My EX rebounded...the guy she rebounded with has left her after 2.3mths!!!!

[darran]

So my ex left me 3.5 months ago, 4 weeks later got hooked up with this guy. We had a few bad moments during our breakup due to gossips and what not.

 

So today logged onto my workstation and MSN appears. My EX... "he left me for a month".

 

I just said:

hurt is hurt either way you look at it and I hope you're ok. It isn't nice to be dumped whatever way you look at it. You are just hurting because you've been rejected. You know I am here if you want to chat. Take care x

[Am4Real]

What on earth would you two "chat about"?

 

Would you talk about being dumped because you both have that in common now? Not to mention she dumped you?

 

Come'on, you're hoping for sorrow and that she takes you back. Please, man up and get your head on straight and let this girl go figure out what life is all about!

 

Good luck.

[darran]

we'd chat about what happened with US not him... why he left her... the reasons why she was obviously being emotionally unavailable to this new guy for him to up and leave... there are so many things but it all boils down to us both talking and possibly working it out. If she doesn't want that then ok fair enough. But I am not gonna skip around the subject when/if I talk to her.

 

She takes me back? More like I take her back!!!! She dumped me remember!

 

But thanks we have a lot in common anyway, and always have a lot to talk about. But yea, you're right, she DID in fact dump me!

[Am4Real]

No Darran, my statement was correct. She is the DUMPER and she is returning to familiar ground and that is you. She is not returning because she wants you; she is returning because you're being a convenient door mat for her. Being a door mat is YOU hoping her down times will bring about reasons for reconciliation.

 

She is not interested in you...she is looking for pity and a shoulder and you're familiar to her and being lonely and pining as you are you're all ears to her. That's desperation my friend. Besides, the issue she left you for, whatever that is, was likely a bullsh$% reason to boot and it's still there -- in other words even if you hooked up it's very likely she will leave you again once she is over the short-term guy. Remember he ego is severly brusied right now!!!

 

Pull up your drawers and tell her to get lost. It's Karma for her!

 

Perhaps an exception is her telling you first and flat out she made a horrible mistake in leaving you and wants you back in her life! But she didn’t did she? All she did is text you and tell you she got dumped! You think those are good ground for reconciliation? Come ‘on you're better than that!

[darran]

hmm...yea!

 

the reason wasnt a BS one, I hurt her feelings a few times ya know. She had to leave me and she literally forced herself out. We also lived together for a few years.

 

But think you are right. I should maybe leave it to her to figure out and stick to NC.

 

Thanks for the advice!

[darran]

phew...after a 2+ hour telephone call which she made (I had to pick up) to me I think I have just about had it lol.

 

On one side its like she actually REALLY does love me so much and the other like she just doesn't. She was literally comparing me side by side with this guy. She said I always went for "bad boys" (d**cks) but he's really nice bla bla... he does this and doesn't do that (referring to my behaviour) and on and on... argh!

 

What could I say? lol. I just said yea sure he must be a nice guy, I'm glad you're happy so what about this money I owe ya. Think now is probably time to get something sorted with it.

 

Honestly, this is the wierdest nonsense ever! I've just had it, this girl tells me one thing...like we'll never be, I never loved you, bla bla, you did this and that etc... I've been told everything and called quite a few things too but when I accept it all, like honestly, it hurts!!! I'll agree and then she turns it all on it's head and starts being all cool and warm!

 

No contact but I'd love to know what is going on inside her head and why she is so persistent on telling me how wonderful this guy is!!!!!! Even when he aint there!

Edited January 13, 2011 by darran

[500daysofsummer]

time to man up and NC

[darran]

nuts...you think to yourself "I'll not let myself be pulled into emotional mayhem" then you suddenly find yourself right there looking out wondering "how'd I find myself here then??"

[Am4Real]

nuts...you think to yourself "I'll not let myself be pulled into emotional mayhem" then you suddenly find yourself right there looking out wondering "how'd I find myself here then??"

 

Read again my earlier posts...sort of what I told you isin't it.

 

That's the life of a doormat...you keep taking the abuse and misery that comes with emotions.

 

Time to move on buddy!!

[darran]

yea Am4!!!

 

I am ok though, its just very confusing and very much an emotional tug of war!

 

Thanks for your encouragement! Much appreciated!

[darran]

definitely NO CONTACT. She called me last night, around 23:45. Started off blabbing about stuff then started telling me this fella was better in bed, better with people, better with this that the other, just better than me in every way. I was shocked! I have NEVER heard so much craziness.

 

NO CONTACT jesus I hope I can muster the strength to stop picking up!

[BlackZeppelin]

I'm really confused with this post.

You seem happy that she was rejected as if she hurt you during your breakup.

Yet you reach out to her as a shoulder, as if things ended on good terms.

 

How did your relationship end?

[darran]

our relationship ended 3.5 months ago. We were actually on talking terms but yea I treated the girl pretty badly! Things were ok tho after she ended it.

 

Then she "got" with this guy, didn't tell me for till about 6 weeks ago when she actually got with him. Which was a few weeks after the initial break-up.

 

During the month of December I was being fed a lot of gossip, I know I shouldn't have listened but 4 weeks of it!!! I ended up blowing up. And that created a huge wedge between us.

 

Then we started being in contact again... bad move!

 

also... i am not happy at all... i am finding myself, by continuing contact with ex, falling into a hole.

Edited January 14, 2011 by darran

[Am4Real]

 

Then we started being in contact again... bad move!

 

also... i am not happy at all... i am finding myself, by continuing contact with ex, falling into a hole.

 

Hey Darran,

 

These two lines you wrote are instrumental to your successful recovery; I think you are realizing the position you are in and what is happening and, in your head you know what to do and how to do it. Soon, hopefully, your heart will follow.

 

[highlight]Looking backward for a just a second[/highlight]…from your description alone you say you treated her badly; she left the environment which you take no qualms with; she met someone else. For her this is commonly referred to as a rebound relationship. It didn’t work out, however before it ended you let her know in your own way you were not happy with her dating.

 

Jealousy for you was running its course, obviously.

 

When the rebound relationship didn’t work out she turned to you and as we would expect, penned up emotions and angers against you surfaced quickly. Rightfully with good cause as touched upon, this anger was probably there for you since the day she left, however by running from you she never said to you what she should have said when she left.

 

Consequently the break from her temporary lover is also being blamed on you. Why? Only because she had not dealt thoroughly with her feelings for you when she jumped into another relationship.

 

So that is what you are dealing with my friend. An EX who is very angry for the way she was treated; for having to jump into a rebound relationship; and now for having contact with you which is antagonizing her bad feelings.

 

There is no fix here – there is a lot of damage.

 

For her sake and for yours JUST LET HER GO. Perhaps in good time she will lessen that anger but frankly the damage is deep and the concern is no longer yours, for the more you care and try and correct any misgivings, the worse things will become.

 

You can read many situations like yours and the outcome is almost nearly the same – an endless loop of anger, frustration and as you put it “craziness”. Only time will cure her anger while it is the immediate hour for you to start a strict NO CONTACT regime for your sake as much as hers.

 

Good luck and best wishes,

 

Am4Real

[darran]

Am4Real,

 

That was one of the nicest posts I have read in a long time. Thank you very much for giving me exactly what I needed to read.

 

Thanks!

 

You've no idea what reading that has done

[GorillaTheater]

She called me last night, around 23:45. Started off blabbing about stuff then started telling me this fella was better in bed, better with people, better with this that the other, just better than me in every way.

 

She has ZERO respect for you. None whatsoever. Right now, she's just using you for an emotional tampon. As soon as you've served your purpose, she'll be gone.

 

definitely NO CONTACT.

 

Definitely.

[darran]

I have realised!!! Thats it. I feel mixed emotions but reading what's been said here has honestly made me think "wtf are you doing mate, man up and walk!".

 

There is still the issue with money I owe her, which is a lot. She needs to set up a standing order so I don't have to go through the headache of calling to her place once a month - something I don't particularly want to do!

[0hpenelope]

There is still the issue with money I owe her, which is a lot. She needs to set up a standing order so I don't have to go through the headache of calling to her place once a month - something I don't particularly want to do!

 

I owed my ex money too. I sent it to him already, but doing so set me back a little bit. There's mostly "I don't want to hear from him about it," but there's that little bit of "Is he going to get in touch to let me know?" Killing that bit slowly. I understand it's part of the healing process, but I wish it weren't so.

 

Good luck to you.

[darran]

0hpenelope, that's why doing it via bank for me is better. If she doesn't, as she has to set it up her end, get that rolling I will just stick it in a different savings account and come the day when all is good at least I have it all sitting there for her.

 

I wanna just avoid her, her place and her very existence at all costs! At least till I have completely got over her.

[darran]

Ok, since I stopped contact. I mean went into NC, for 2 days, if even. haha... doesn't sound like much but its more a mental decision/mindset than anything.

 

I had to send a brief email asking her to setup a standing order and tell her that I wouldn't call to her place. If she didn't set one up I'm saving the email and opening another account into which I will put her money until she feels ok to pick it up.

 

She has, so I have learned through my friend who is a friend to her, been having a lot of facebook traffic... i.e. her posting silly notes, pics of her and this guy (f**k knows why - probably swung back to him)...

 

...funny thing happened. I am feeling sorry for her. I couldn't help myself so I went and looked at thie pic. Didn't feel any hurt just looked at her and knew straight away she was far from happy... her eyes lied too much and there was simply too much exaggerated nonsense. It's as if she is desperately trying to REALLY get at me. I'm exhausted by hanging in there and well it kinda tells as I am no longer caring what happens as I'm just too tired of it all. Of course I love her, of course I miss her but I'm just too tired and cant be bothered thinking what if's.

 

I am sticking to NC. I think I know what I need to know now. My EX is far from over me and she is going to end up hurt. I know now there is too much damage done for us to get back together. Its just a bit crazy to use someone else to get back at someone you love/loved.

 

Well thats hurt eh.

Edited January 16, 2011 by darran