HeavenOrHell Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I used to have the occasional night I couldn't fall asleep as I was missing him, but the the last week I can't fall asleep for several hours every night, I'm assuming it's because I miss him. I do get insomnia generally at times, for various reasons, but I think it's worse now as I wish he was lying next to me, I'm missing his presence and cuddling and sex. Can I do at least 2 more years of this? How can I get to sleep properly when I miss him?
aisle_seat Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 This happens to me occasionally, too. I like to look at pictures of her and the two of us together before going to sleep; and I'm fortunate in that several nights a week we are able to say goodnight on the phone just before going to sleep which helps. All I can suggest is making yourself as comfortable and warm as possible and thinking about happy times with your SO to help you relax. I recommend against thinking about sex since that tends to elevate your heart rate and at night one tends miss that intimate part of a relationship much more. Sweet dreams!
folieadeux Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Happens to me too. We're usually able to call each other during the week to say goodnight, which helps, but nothing compares to being in the same bed. During the weekends, my SO gets home around 3 or 4 in the morning and I'm just not able to wait up and oftentimes miss his calls/messages. The only reason sleep comes a bit easier those nights is because I'm so tired and just pass out.
creighton0123 Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 It happened to me at first and lasted a few days until I was completely exhausted. The bed simply felt too big for me. Get pillows - the more the merrier. Hell, if you have a shirt of his use that as a pillow case and simulate a body of pillows next to you. That'll simulate the cuddling experience a bit. As for the sex experience, I find giving myself a release first helps. I'd also change your mindset. You're not in a relationship now. You're in a long distance relationship. These are very different types of relationships. Your body and mind are wired for the former, but you exist in the latter. In a relationship, you have the potential to fall asleep next to your partner every night. In a long distance relationship, you fall asleep comforted by the fact that you're one day closer to being with him again. There's a subtle difference that can really transform the way you live your day to day lives.
rainiejae Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 I haven't had 8 hours of sleep since I started "seeing" my guy. I was with him last week & it was the first time I had a good nights sleep, of course because I was with him. Thankfully he is moving here ASAP so I just hold on to the thought that soon I will be able to sleep & get out of this sleepless haze! Thankfully we Skype for hours every night & then when we get too tired he calls me & yes, I have fallen asleep with him talking to me, which he loves! If you can't talk to you partner every night at bedtime maybe try a book or a movie, that works for me too.
Omei Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Last night was the first night again without my SO and while we slept on cam as normal I kept waking up because I thought he was beside me and touching me awake, turns out he wasn't and I ended up bursting out in tears waking up my SO on cam
Author HeavenOrHell Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 We rarely go on skype, he's not really into it, he said he feels a bit awkward, he's think I was mad if I said can we watch other sleep My insomnia has become so bad and I'm not sure if it's because I'm struggling with the r/ship the distance, or what, I'm so desperate for sleep I feel like having a break from him and seeing if it helps me sleep.
folieadeux Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 We rarely go on skype, he's not really into it, he said he feels a bit awkward, he's think I was mad if I said can we watch other sleep My insomnia has become so bad and I'm not sure if it's because I'm struggling with the r/ship the distance, or what, I'm so desperate for sleep I feel like having a break from him and seeing if it helps me sleep. I don't think taking a break would help hun...because then you'll just be worried about not being together. Is there any way your boyfriend would be willing to speak with you more to help?
Omei Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 We rarely go on skype, he's not really into it, he said he feels a bit awkward, he's think I was mad if I said can we watch other sleep My insomnia has become so bad and I'm not sure if it's because I'm struggling with the r/ship the distance, or what, I'm so desperate for sleep I feel like having a break from him and seeing if it helps me sleep. At first my SO wasn't into cam too, I really pushed it on him as to how much it men't to me as for us to be as real as possible he also found it awkward at first but now..years later he cant picture not doing it and loves it as much as I do. Maybe you can convince your SO to try it for a certain time period and see how he feels after? Maybe if you can get to that point you wont miss him bad enough to lay awake...It helped me.
Author HeavenOrHell Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 I don't know tbh. I've been working more as I wanted to focus less on me and him as it doesn't help that I'm so focussed on us, but now my sleep is so bad I can barely work. Soon as I think about having a break from him/us I worry he'll meet someone else, especially since he mentioned someone he used to have a crush on years ago before he got with his ex is now having r/ship problems, course I'm thinking maybe now is his chance with her, like I'd be giving him a reason if I ask for a break, I couldn't expect him to wait around forever. And yes you're right anyway, it wouldn't help as I'd be worried about losing him. I'm in touch with my doc to see she can help with the sleep, it's so bad now, I lie wide awake until about 4am every night. I do worry that I'm just not cut out for a LDR But it tears me up to think about ending it. I worry he'll get fed up with me being so emotional anyway though. I don't want to worry him anymore, there's been several heavy talks lately, he might just say this is too much for me (me rather than him) and let's have a break. I can't think clearly anymore I don't think taking a break would help hun...because then you'll just be worried about not being together. Is there any way your boyfriend would be willing to speak with you more to help?
heartshaped Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 I don't know tbh. I've been working more as I wanted to focus less on me and him as it doesn't help that I'm so focussed on us, but now my sleep is so bad I can barely work. Soon as I think about having a break from him/us I worry he'll meet someone else, especially since he mentioned someone he used to have a crush on years ago before he got with his ex is now having r/ship problems, course I'm thinking maybe now is his chance with her, like I'd be giving him a reason if I ask for a break, I couldn't expect him to wait around forever. And yes you're right anyway, it wouldn't help as I'd be worried about losing him. I'm in touch with my doc to see she can help with the sleep, it's so bad now, I lie wide awake until about 4am every night. I do worry that I'm just not cut out for a LDR But it tears me up to think about ending it. I worry he'll get fed up with me being so emotional anyway though. I don't want to worry him anymore, there's been several heavy talks lately, he might just say this is too much for me (me rather than him) and let's have a break. I can't think clearly anymore I think you just need to get some rest dear. I have really bad insomnia and really the only thing that helps me sometimes is medication. I really hope your doctor can prescribe something for you. LDRs are hard and I don't think any of us are cut out for them. It's only natural to want to be able to spend physical time with the person you are seeing, but sometimes we aren't able to, you just have to find a way to not let that tear you up inside.
Author HeavenOrHell Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 Thank you My partner's being so sweet and supportive, one of the things he suggested is writing a journal to get any stuff going around my head out, I'm also going to get up at my usual time as I've been lying in to catch up on sleep but it means I'm not as tired later in the day. I was taking meds for it sometimes but they're not working for this bout of insomnia as it's so severe, even though I've not taken it for a couple of months, so it's not that I'm used to it. I'm sorry to hear you suffer with it too, it sucks big time A couple of people suggested melatonin to me, also Zopclone, I've emailed my doc about them. I think you just need to get some rest dear. I have really bad insomnia and really the only thing that helps me sometimes is medication. I really hope your doctor can prescribe something for you. LDRs are hard and I don't think any of us are cut out for them. It's only natural to want to be able to spend physical time with the person you are seeing, but sometimes we aren't able to, you just have to find a way to not let that tear you up inside.
Author HeavenOrHell Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 I'm sure he'd go on cam more in the eves if I asked him to, but I don't think he'd ever do the sleeping thing. Tbh I think having the cam on would keep me awake anyway At first my SO wasn't into cam too, I really pushed it on him as to how much it men't to me as for us to be as real as possible he also found it awkward at first but now..years later he cant picture not doing it and loves it as much as I do. Maybe you can convince your SO to try it for a certain time period and see how he feels after? Maybe if you can get to that point you wont miss him bad enough to lay awake...It helped me.
folieadeux Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Heartshaped, I think you brought up a very good point...none of us are cut out for LDRs just because it's so unnatural to be away from the person you want to be with. But, with that being said, I think we all do the best we can. HOH, my SO and I don't use webcams either...is there anyway you can maybe give your boyfriend a call before bed? I've always found comfort in that...and if there's a time difference between the pair of you, that can work to your advantage. I'm not one for taking medication of any kind (just my personal preference) so if I can find any natural way to take care of whatever problem I'm having I tend to go right for that.
Author HeavenOrHell Posted January 18, 2011 Author Posted January 18, 2011 Yes, it's true none of us are really cut out for it, I suppose I worry I'm one of the ones least likely to be at ease with it, partly as I'm insecure after my ex left and want lots of reassurance (even just a hug is reassuring) which is hard from 500 miles away (I'm working on my insecurity as I don't want it to continue to affect me and my partner) also I was used to my partner being there for 18 years, day in day out, so this is way different, and I'm so affectionate and tactile (which a lot of us are of course), and I'm too flipping emotional in general Also suffer with anxiety and mild depression, which doesn't help I guess We often talk just before my bedtime, which helps A friend said to me maybe I'm too excited to sleep, rather than feeling low! Which is possible, excited about him/us and also about other things in my life lately. I've been really open with him about stuff lately and it has helped, so maybe sleep will come! I agree about the drugs, hate taking them, but nothing else has worked, tried so much herbal stuff for example, even have stuff my herbalist made up for me, taking drugs is just a temporary measure Heartshaped, I think you brought up a very good point...none of us are cut out for LDRs just because it's so unnatural to be away from the person you want to be with. But, with that being said, I think we all do the best we can. HOH, my SO and I don't use webcams either...is there anyway you can maybe give your boyfriend a call before bed? I've always found comfort in that...and if there's a time difference between the pair of you, that can work to your advantage. I'm not one for taking medication of any kind (just my personal preference) so if I can find any natural way to take care of whatever problem I'm having I tend to go right for that.
EmmieH Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Hey guys! This topic really helped me with my sleeping problem. I'm usually not able to fall asleep the first night back home, so this time I none-too-subtly asked for a t-shirt of his to keep with me to use as a pillow case. And guess what? I slept like a baby, a good thing too because I had an exam the next day . So yes, I'd say smells definitely can help you feel closer to someone who is far away!
folieadeux Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Yes, it's true none of us are really cut out for it, I suppose I worry I'm one of the ones least likely to be at ease with it, partly as I'm insecure after my ex left and want lots of reassurance (even just a hug is reassuring) which is hard from 500 miles away (I'm working on my insecurity as I don't want it to continue to affect me and my partner) also I was used to my partner being there for 18 years, day in day out, so this is way different, and I'm so affectionate and tactile (which a lot of us are of course), and I'm too flipping emotional in general Also suffer with anxiety and mild depression, which doesn't help I guess We often talk just before my bedtime, which helps A friend said to me maybe I'm too excited to sleep, rather than feeling low! Which is possible, excited about him/us and also about other things in my life lately. I've been really open with him about stuff lately and it has helped, so maybe sleep will come! I agree about the drugs, hate taking them, but nothing else has worked, tried so much herbal stuff for example, even have stuff my herbalist made up for me, taking drugs is just a temporary measure Your friend brought up a really good point! I've never thought of that before...maybe we can't sleep because we're too excited thinking about the future. I know before a visit, I'm up for a good 24 hours before out of sheer excitement and getting last minute things together, so that definitely has some merit of truth to it.
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