Author northern_sky Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 But being a people pleaser doesn't mean you are a kind, giving person at all. Exactly. And I will never date a people pleaser again.
Author northern_sky Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 But being a people pleaser doesn't mean you are a kind, giving person at all. I think you just know when someone is actually genuine, because you feel comfortable and at ease. Shadow, I remember with your ex, it seemed like you never really trusted his intentions. With all his proclamations of love and forever and etc, I think you KNEW somewhere deep down inside that there was something off with him. IME, when someone over-does anything, it's compensating for something else big time. Yep. Something never sat well with me. He seemed *too* good and perfect. When somebody is opaque, in that their natural human flaws aren't apparent, I get nervous because it suggests they're suppressing stuff.
Star Gazer Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Actually, those traits ARE just kind of a given for me. Who doesn't want someone who is essentially nice and kind? I don't think being a great human being is a "type"? Isn't that EVERYONE'S type?! Obviously not. Take a look at who people are picking, and you'll see my point. Some people are inherently attracted to people who don't treat them well.
Ariadne Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I should also add that my type tends to be rich and famous, spiritually saint like, tall, and body builder physique. Oh, And something else. My type also tends to be incredibly popular and loved by everybody and has almost like a fan club. Starting with Mikhail Baryshnikov my first crush. They are also always blonde blue eyed and the body is either bodybuilder or athletic. As you can see, no wonder why I'm still single. And I have a problem being attracted to normal men for some reason. Dunno.
OceanGirl Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Oh, And something else. My type also tends to be incredibly popular and loved by everybody and has almost like a fan club. Starting with Mikhail Baryshnikov my first crush. They are also always blonde blue eyed and the body is either bodybuilder or athletic. As you can see, no wonder why I'm still single. And I have a problem being attracted to normal men for some reason. Dunno. Most people get over celebrity crushes in their teens.....
Ariadne Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Most people get over celebrity crushes in their teens..... Yeah, I'm over MB long time ago although he is still gorgeous as it gets and can't get tired of watching his videos. But come to think of it, your types tend to be the same. Your boss was also quite popular with the students, more or less a public figure, and the politician would be even more so.
Titania22 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Ok I am going to answer the questions, but I would like to clarify that when I think of "type" I don't think of a wish list of personality traits. Any person could have all personality traits on a list and it would not mean I would be attracted to them. 1) what is your type (be specific)? My type is the male physical equivalent of myself, with high intellect and sense of humour highly regarded. 2) what type of men do you usually end up dating, and what type is most drawn to you? I have been on dates with many types of men, of many nationalities. Foreign men are drawn to me. 3) does your type ask you out and then lose interest, or does he flat out reject you when you express interest? When and how do these interactions usually fizzle? Generally no, they don't ask me out, and yes they tend to reject my expressions of interest. 4) what is your type's type? Appearances would suggest my types type is any exotic foreign (non caucasion) woman. 5) getting to know men who fall into your type are they usually what you expect or are they different in some way? Their personalities could be like anything. I also think all people are surprising the more you get to know them. I don't know that I have actually got close to enough of a sample of my type to draw any conclusions. In fact the whole 'they are attracted to asian or dark skinned women' thing is more of a rumour, I don't know how true it is. I don't think it would matter if I was from a different nationality, because I suspect I would be attracted to men of the same general appearance as myself.
Surrealist Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Titania Are you caucasian but look ethnic? Like Mediterranean? Therefore you have a darker complexion?
Titania22 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Titania Are you caucasian but look ethnic? Like Mediterranean? Therefore you have a darker complexion? No I am totally white & blonde:p. Last year I mainly got hit on by men of Indian or African descent.
Surrealist Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 No I am totally white & blonde:p. Last year I mainly got hit on by men of Indian or African descent. Lol I always pictured you as dark and brunette for some reason. Hey you probably give off the vibe that attracts Indians and Africans, maybe they're seeing the same thing I am without even knowing it!
Titania22 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Lol I always pictured you as dark and brunette for some reason. Hey you probably give off the vibe that attracts Indians and Africans, maybe they're seeing the same thing I am without even knowing it! That's so wierd to me. I am seriously curious what it is about me that seems dark and brunette? Physically I present more like the classic sexy blonde stereotype.
OceanGirl Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 That's so wierd to me. I am seriously curious what it is about me that seems dark and brunette? Physically I present more like the classic sexy blonde stereotype. Ok titania, pic or ban Both me and Surrealist are very curious lol
Titania22 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Ok titania, pic or ban Both me and Surrealist are very curious lol Here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/album.php?albumid=594&pictureid=3160
zengirl Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I have a question that goes to the 'heart' of this thread, I think. To me, my "type" are the type of guys that things have worked out with (at least for awhile), I've been able to have productive relationships with, etc, and the general traits that seemed to contribute, in a good way, to the relationship. Basically, it's looking back and assessing, "What worked? What didn't?" and amending from there. If your "type's type isn't you," how could that happen? How do you decide who your "type" is?
Emilia Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 To me, my "type" are the type of guys that things have worked out with (at least for awhile), I've been able to have productive relationships with, etc, and the general traits that seemed to contribute, in a good way, to the relationship. Basically, it's looking back and assessing, "What worked? What didn't?" and amending from there. If your "type's type isn't you," how could that happen? How do you decide who your "type" is? exactly and this is the healthy way to look for LTRs in my opinion. when people claim their 'type' isn't into them I think they are either not very smart to work out what to look for in another person or they are neurotic and want drama. surely if you don't get on with a certain type of person (like introverts or passive aggressives, etc for example), you wouldn't pick them again for a relationship?
OceanGirl Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/album.php?albumid=594&pictureid=3160 Oh wow, hot I almost have the same hair color as you now!
Titania22 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Oh wow, hot I almost have the same hair color as you now! Thanks OG, I noticed that too. Because Blondes DO have more fun.
Els Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 (edited) Yes, but I find when it isn't included in the "What I want" discussion, when the 'type' doesn't point out traits that link to that -- particularly individual values that are more complex than "honest" -- then people tend to act in ways that aren't in their best interest. Just an observation. From your list, especially the levels of "attentive" and "communicative" vary a lot, and people have different views of that and the way they'd like it to be shown. Besides, almost everyone wants a smart (at least in some way), attractive partner, too, and people took the time to list those traits. I think what you list when you think of a good partner says a lot about how you approach dating and the level of success you'll have. Hm. I guess when someone says 'type', I immediately think of the 'superficial or neutral' qualities, ie those that do not make a person a good/bad person in particular, instead of generally-accepted good qualities. Perhaps others' views may differ. Even if we want different levels of 'attentive', we still want 'attentive', period. Whereas with regards to 'superficial/neutral' qualities, some of us may love athletic people while others may dislike them, some may like nerds while others wouldn't touch them with a ten-foot pole, etc. It just sounds strange to say, for example, "My type is an emotionally healthy man who has his life in order and treats me well". I mean, that just sounds an awful lot like, "My type is homo sapiens" to me. Or answering, "I like delicious food" in response to "What type of food do you like?" instead of "Sweet/salty/Thai/etc". That's not really a type - that's a given! .... Isn't it? If nobody doesn't want a particular 'type', how can it be called a 'type'? With regards to your bolded, I can confidently say that 'physically attractive' has never, and will never be on my list personally. I couldn't give two hoots about how a guy looks like, unless he looks so very bad that children recoil in horror at the sight of him. Completely honest. Edited January 14, 2011 by Elswyth
Titania22 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I can confidently say that 'physically attractive' has never, and will never be on my list personally. Isn't physical attractiveness in the eye of the beholder to some extent. I mean how could you be attracted to someone you don't find physically attractive? (i.e. to the extent of wanting to have sex, as sex is a physical act)
Els Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 (edited) Because they become attractive to my eyes when I fall in love with them as a person. Before I fell in love with the bf, for instance, he looked like a completely average guy to me (and to other girls as well, if my intuition is right). And no, physical attractiveness is not what turns me on during sex. If you search my posts, you may find out why. I don't wish to derail this thread - merely pointing out that not all of us require a mate to be 'good-looking' as some posters claim (sorry, physical attractiveness probably wasn't the best word), although most might. Edited January 14, 2011 by Elswyth
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