if your type's type isn't you

January 13, 2011

Its hillarious how long womens laundry list is and u wonder why youre single

And notice how the lists are all pretty much the same?

This type-notion is meaningless.

January 13, 2011

I think a sixth question should be added:

Your type might be what you want, but is what you want good for you? Is your want what you really need?

January 13, 2011

I think a sixth question should be added:

Your type might be what you want, but is what you want good for you? Is your want what you really need?

My answer to that question: Hell no!

January 13, 2011

SteveC80
Its hillarious how long womens laundry list is and u wonder why youre single

EasyHeart And notice how the lists are all pretty much the same?

This type-notion is meaningless.

It's like male adolescent fantasy only it's pre-adolescent

January 13, 2011

Its hillarious how long womens laundry list is and u wonder why youre single

I think everyone has a "list," as it should be.

The things people are saying on this thread aren't offensive. An offensive list would include things like "must earn a six-figure income," "have a six pack," or "drive a BMW."

January 13, 2011

I think everyone has a "list," as it should be.

The things people are saying on this thread aren't offensive. An offensive list would include things like "must earn a six-figure income," "have a six pack," or "drive a BMW."

Yeah, and the way I see it, a 'type' is just the people you tend to be most attracted to and date who happen to share a lot of the same qualities. I don't actively seek these sorts of guys out; they're just who I find most attractive. And that clearly needs to change because so far it hasn't worked out for me, and I don't see it ever working out.

January 13, 2011

I think everyone has a "list," as it should be.

The things people are saying on this thread aren't offensive. An offensive list would include things like "must earn a six-figure income," "have a six pack," or "drive a BMW."

76 different traits they must have isnt obnoxious enough?

How about meeting men and seeing if theres a connection instead of making men live up to such a high standard youve created by watching fairytales and chick flicks teling u what a perfect man is

January 13, 2011

76 different traits they must have isnt obnoxious enough?

How about meeting men and seeing if theres a connection instead of making men live up to such a high standard youve created by watching fairytales and chick flicks teling u what a perfect man is

Er, saying you have a certain type isn't the same thing as having a list, btw. And if you re-read my post -- if you even did that -- you will notice I criticized myself, and nowhere did I state what a "perfect man" even is.

If having high standards means wanting to date an attractive, educated man, then so be it.

January 13, 2011

I have broad taste in men, but probably the unifying quality is that the man has "substance." What I mean by that is they have depth and nuance with their feelings and thoughts.

I feel lonely with men who live life on the surface. My ex husband was like that and sometimes I felt like we existed on different planets. His way of living was refreshing though. He just moved through life without worrying or giving much thought to anything. He lived life strictly for his pleasure. I have incorporated some of those qualities into my personality, but it's not what I'd want as a total lifestyle.

January 13, 2011

I'm waiting for someone to admit to this kind of type:

Homely, not too bright, someone who accepts that life sucks and you just have to accept it. I prefer he be uneducated and not stay in the same career for very long, and it makes me feel good when he relies on me for money. He should speak and think literally, and he shouldn't laugh too much. He certainly shouldn't make me laugh. Oh, and I don't want one of these guys who's in touch with his feelings or who wants to talk things out. He should just tell me what to do, and I'll do it. He should also be hot-headed, superficial, demanding and unreasonable.

January 13, 2011

BTW: According to all these lists, most of you ladies are madly in love with me.

You're making me blush!

January 13, 2011

I have broad taste in men, but probably the unifying quality is that the man has "substance." What I mean by that is they have depth and nuance with their feelings and thoughts.

That's well put. I was trying to reflect on whether I have a 'type' but couldn't find anything that unifies my experience. But this really resonates.

January 13, 2011

The interesting point are those who find their opposites attractive. Often that means they dislike many of their own personality traits. In my experience this type of chemistry while often intense is very self destructive.

I think you may be right. As a simple example, I used to only be attracted to very extraverted women. I think this is because I am introverted and grew up with an extremely extraverted mother, who was constantly pushing me to be more social and telling me in disparaging tones that I was "too shy". Of course, it was this constant pushing and criticism that was actually making me shy. So I sought out women who would compensate for this perceived defect in my personality, and the result was lots of short but intense relationships. Once I accepted that being an introvert was not a bad thing, I became much happier and began being attracted to women who were more like me.

January 13, 2011

I frequently hear this complaint from women on LS. I hope this thread will help people get to the bottom of this problem by provoking some soul-searching.

Let me interrogate you for a moment:

1) what is your type (be specific)?

My "type" includes a great sense of humor, fun-loving, witty, slightly sarcastic, has an easygoing smile, very friendly, personable, outgoing, and charismatic. My "type" is a great humanitarian... is the kind of man who volunteers however he can and makes time for helping those in need... not to add to his professional profile, but rather because he cares for people and for his community.

Physically, my type is usually (not all the time) dark skinned or really tanned, and athletic, with big beautiful brown eyes and black hair or bald, and is taller than me.

Intellectually, my "type" is mathematically minded and has an amazing sense of direction as well as a whole lot of common sense! He is great at solving problems in everyday life and is good at handling finances.

Spiritually, he believes in God and is tolerant of people of other beliefs as well (sometimes this combination is hard to find lol)

Emotionally, he loves his family, adores his mom but isn't a momma's boy, and loves kids, animals, and nature. He loves going nature walking/hiking and is into some kind of extreme sport that involves nature, because he gets an emotional high from actively enjoying the great outdoors.

I like my "type."

2) what type of men do you usually end up dating, and what type is most drawn to you?

See the answer to number 1.) We attract each other, though there are times other men are attracted to me, but I don't have interest in them because my "type" includes traits that are important to me.

3) does your type ask you out and then lose interest, or does he flat out reject you when you express interest? When and how do these interactions usually fizzle?

Yes my type asks me out if one of them is interested. I was married to one for around 5 years and it didn't fizzle out. With all people, there are negatives traits as well even in one's "type." Both my ex and I were very immature and didn't communicate very well.

So basically, communication and understanding and commitment are important even for people of each other's "type" who get together. Instead of fizzling out, we had a big bang explosion

and went our separate ways, and it still makes me sad and I still wish I had done my part to work it out. Hopefully I have matured through the experience.

4) what is your type's type?

Depends on what they like lol

5) getting to know men who fall into your type are they usually what you expect or are they different in some way?

Well, everybody is different. Though people do like to categorize people into different boxes, it is really not a fair process. One may find that some people are one's type physically yet not in other ways. Also, everybody has things they need to work on - weaknesses, and everybody has strengths as well. Nobody is the perfect model of an ideal "type." Edited January 13, 2011 by elaina

January 13, 2011

Here are the types so far to compare similarities:

personality: extremely bright and articulate, intellectually aggressive, witty, somewhat gregarious, assertive, thinker over feeler, inwardly a bit vulnerable.
looks: attractive with intense, large eyes, slimmish.

My type is men that are somewhat "quirky", reflective and complex. They are extremely intelligent but also a bit neurotic. They are likely to be sarcastic and have dark sense of humor. Generally more pessimistic than optimistic. They work in either creative or academic profession. They usually have non-mainstream good looks that still attract plenty of options. They are not anal or uptight and are free thinkers. They oscillate between being affectionate and sweet and moody and withdrawn. They are confident and assertive but with some vulnerability that they reveal later on. They are animated and passionate and love sex lol.

Personality: I like intelligent, witty, quiet men. Usually introverted, but with a fantastic sense of humour. Affectionate, warm and lovely. Geeky interests.
Looks: Have to have lovely hair. Taller than me (I'm 5'1 so not overly hard) and take care of their apperence.

funny, extrovert, sporty, kind, loving, bright, assertive, younger than me

My type are nerdy, smart, good-looking men who can have excellent conversations, want LTRs, maintain strong friendships (preferably with men and women), can be reflective about their own lives/traits, have some common interests with me (preferably some of them academic---liking to read is generally included, though it's not a deal-breaker), are intellectually curious, are good listeners, and value the people in their lives more than the things in their lives. They've also got to be men who are attentive to me, have a desire to communicate (the skill level can be worked on), and don't have any emotional barriers, like trust issues, etc. Generally, I go for introverts, though it's not a must.

My 'type' are introverted, more rational than emotional, more conservative/old-fashioned than liberal/modern. Maintain close relationships with their family and friends. Can have great conversations and make each other laugh. Very smart and studious, though not all across the board--usually only in science/math/technical areas. Very career-oriented. Generally not reflective about themselves. Some common interests with me. Usually they're not from the U.S.

My type: My type are smart (educated, yet not necessarily book-smart, just common-sense smart, but really, really sharp), confident, loyal/faithful, good-looking, athletic men who can have excellent conversations, want LTRs and children, maintain strong friendships, can be reflective about their own lives/traits, have some common interests with me (preferably skiing/boarding, golf, and travel), are curious about me and the world around them, are good listeners, and value the people in their lives more than the things in their lives. They've also got to be men who are happy with the state of their lives and not still searching for themselves or a career, financially stable, emotionally healthy, no addictions or abuse of substances or alcohol, attentive to me, affectionate, desire to communicate (the skill level can be worked on), doesn't harbor resentments, and doesn't have any major emotional barriers, like major trust issues, etc. (minor barriers can be overcome though), and demonstrates integrity in most areas of his life. Oh yeah, he's gotta love animals. Physically, he's tall and has an athletic build, and his jeans break just right at the foot.

Attractive, somewhere between boyish and handsome. I am very much drawn to men whom I admire on an intellectual level, who do something I admire. They must be creatively-minded or problem solvers. I'm not so much attracted to musicians, writers or artist -- too sensitive and wandering for me. I'm more likely to fall for an architect, engineer or someone in the design field. MUST HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR. That doesn't mean they have to be a comedian, but someone who "gets" thing and can make me laugh and witty. Admittedly, they are usually emotionally withdrawn in some sense, though I don't always know that in the beginning.

My "type" includes a great sense of humor, fun-loving, witty, slightly sarcastic, has an easygoing smile, very friendly, personable, outgoing, and charismatic. My "type" is a great humanitarian... is the kind of man who volunteers however he can and makes time for helping those in need... not to add to his professional profile, but rather because he cares for people and for his community.

Physically, my type is usually (not all the time) dark skinned or really tanned, and athletic, with big beautiful brown eyes and black hair or bald, and is taller than me.

Intellectually, my "type" is mathematically minded and has an amazing sense of direction as well as a whole lot of common sense! He is great at solving problems in everyday life and is good at handling finances.

Spiritually, he believes in God and is tolerant of people of other beliefs as well (sometimes this combination is hard to find lol)

Emotionally, he loves his family, adores his mom but isn't a momma's boy, and loves kids, animals, and nature. He loves going nature walking/hiking and is into some kind of extreme sport that involves nature, because he gets an emotional high from actively enjoying the great outdoors.

(I love the description of SG's type )

Cool thread NS.

January 13, 2011

I already clarified earlier in the thread that I had a different meaning in mind for emotionally intense.

I know you had something else in mind... but maybe your subconscious is trying to say something. I mean just following some of your past threads, I think you may have some aspects of both the positive and negative connotations of this term.

Some of my best character traits also have strong negatives. My positive thinking and high confidence often makes me underestimate problems.

I think you may be right. As a simple example, I used to only be attracted to very extraverted women. I think this is because I am introverted and grew up with an extremely extraverted mother, who was constantly pushing me to be more social and telling me in disparaging tones that I was "too shy". Of course, it was this constant pushing and criticism that was actually making me shy. So I sought out women who would compensate for this perceived defect in my personality, and the result was lots of short but intense relationships. Once I accepted that being an introvert was not a bad thing, I became much happier and began being attracted to women who were more like me.

I used to be attracted to anal retentive control freaks. I was very disorganized and forgetful.

Just like you once I embraced my flaws... suddenly this opposite was no longer attractive.

January 13, 2011

I should also add that my type tends to be rich and famous, spiritually saint like, tall, and body builder physique.

January 13, 2011

Why not just cut to the chase and date those slightly older guys now?

Yeah, duh me! I don't know why I said that...

January 13, 2011

Why not just cut to the chase and date those slightly older guys now?

Yeah, duh me! I don't know why I said that...

January 13, 2011

In my experience, self-involved people are incredibly difficult to build a relationship with because if something goes wrong, they will generally not look for a "middle ground solution" but rather put their partner in the "you don't understand me; maybe there is something wrong with you" category. Self-involved people are particularly invested in not putting themselves into question.

Honest question: Was K talking about him, or you?

January 13, 2011

This is so true, and goes along with what I always say: shop for the relationship you want [the car], not the guy [the wheels].

Precisely. It's the relationship with a man/woman who is compatible that most people want anyway. I always recommend the Tao of Dating (there's one for men and one for women) because it illustrates this so clearly. Like all dating books, it's a bit simplistic, but really great at reminding where the focus should be.

I do not believe the OP has the "joie de vivre." If she had that joy of life, well, she'd be...joyful. Happy. Content.

Not going to get into the OP perse, because I don't know her well enough to psycho-analyze.

But I will say that most people who are unhappy in general (hey, I've been there) don't realize how unhappy and angry they were till they get out of the fog. Then, you look back and you realize how bad it was. But it becomes numbing after awhile. Just a thought in general that your post made me remember.

Its hillarious how long womens laundry list is and u wonder why youre single

I'm not single, actually, and my list was plenty long. Having too short a list can lead to being single as well. The important things are to have the right things on your list -- to know what you need. Not what you think you want, wish you needed, etc.

January 13, 2011

Interesting idea for a thread. Personally, I think the moment you have a "type" you have already failed. I always recommend dating a person and not a "type".
I am very curios to hear the responses to this though.

You are not thinking like a woman. IRL I have heard women have these sorts of discussions on 'types' of men they usually end up with or ideally want, but never men, and the responses so far in this thread back it up.

January 13, 2011

BTW: According to all these lists, most of you ladies are madly in love with me.

You're making me blush!

:love:.........

January 13, 2011

Honest question: Was K talking about him, or you?

Him........

January 13, 2011

This is so true, and goes along with what I always say: shop for the relationship you want [the car], not the guy [the wheels].

Should you not shop for both? Is there a point of having the most faithful, loyal, honest, etc guy in the world, but you're not attracted to him?

I agree with your opinion re: traits that make a man good in a relationship, but I honestly think discussion of such is rather perfunctory. Everyone (or at least, almost everyone healthy) wants a faithful, loyal, honest, attentive, communicative, etc etc partner, so that isn't really an individual preference, as this thread is asking.

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