northern_sky Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I frequently hear this complaint from women on LS. I hope this thread will help people get to the bottom of this problem by provoking some soul-searching. Let me interrogate you for a moment: 1) what is your type (be specific)? 2) what type of men do you usually end up dating, and what type is most drawn to you? 3) does your type ask you out and then lose interest, or does he flat out reject you when you express interest? When and how do these interactions usually fizzle? 4) what is your type's type? 5) getting to know men who fall into your type are they usually what you expect or are they different in some way?
Author northern_sky Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 forgot to add on to question 4: How does your type's type compare to you?
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Interesting idea for a thread. Personally, I think the moment you have a "type" you have already failed. I always recommend dating a person and not a "type". I am very curios to hear the responses to this though.
Author northern_sky Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 Interesting idea for a thread. Personally, I think the moment you have a "type" you have already failed. I always recommend dating a person and not a "type". I am very curios to hear the responses to this though. what if you just know what you want?
Author northern_sky Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 (edited) I'll start. I looking forward to other responses. 1) what is your type (be specific)? personality: extremely bright and articulate, intellectually aggressive, witty, somewhat gregarious, assertive, thinker over feeler, inwardly a bit vulnerable. looks: attractive with intense, large eyes, slimmish. 2) what type of men do you usually end up dating, and what type is most drawn to you? All over the board, although they tend to be intelligent on average. But usually the guys drawn to me are more feelers over thinkers, have less in common with me, and are more socially awkward than I'd like. 3) does your type ask you out and then lose interest, or does he flat out reject you when you express interest? When and how do these interactions usually fizzle? Depends. Some of them show interest initially by asking me out or coming on to me, but it usually fizzles in the end. The few guys of my type I dated ended up being emotionally crippled and unavailable. In some cases they avoided any involvement with me. In other cases they were drawn to my intensity, but unable to open up emotionally. 4) what is your type's type? Probably women who are more extroverted and less emotionally intense than I am. Also they are generally guys who have trouble committing to anyone. 5) getting to know men who fall into your type are they usually what you expect or are they different in some way? They end up being more insecure, emotionally unavailable and self-focused than I'd like. Edited January 13, 2011 by northern_sky
OceanGirl Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 1) My type is men that are somewhat "quirky", reflective and complex. They are extremely intelligent but also a bit neurotic. They are likely to be sarcastic and have dark sense of humor. Generally more pessimistic than optimistic. They work in either creative or academic profession. They usually have non-mainstream good looks that still attract plenty of options. They are not anal or uptight and are free thinkers. They oscillate between being affectionate and sweet and moody and withdrawn. They are confident and assertive but with some vulnerability that they reveal later on. They are animated and passionate and love sex lol. 2) I end up pursuing men like 1) who are never that into me. Men that really like me are not very intelligent, not very ambitious with blander personality than I would like and average to below looks. They also tend to be passive and sort of "look up to me", almost like they are somewhat intimidated by me. That, of course is a turn off in itself. 3) I almost always manage to hook up with my type. They end up losing interest quickly, mostly because I get over-emotional and they are turned off by that Although to be fair, they don't seem that strongly into me from the start. It's mostly me that is the initiator and I get the sense that they are just going with the flow. 4) I love this question. My type's type are domineering, extroverted, outgoing, loud, emotionally cold and super-confident women. Looks are not as important. I am pretty much the exact opposite of the my type's type which means that I am screwed 5) Hmmm. Still thinking about this one. Excellent thread BTW.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 what if you just know what you want? What if that's not what you need? They end up being more insecure, emotionally unavailable and self-focused than I'd like. Just a thought. Sometimes these traits may seem similar in expression. Insecure = inwardly vulnerable, emotionally unavailable = thinker not a feeler, self focused = assertive.
Author northern_sky Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 Just a thought. Sometimes these traits may seem similar in expression. Insecure = inwardly vulnerable, emotionally unavailable = thinker not a feeler, self focused = assertive. Actually, this is really insightful. Hmm...
Author northern_sky Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 (edited) Wow, I didn't realize our "types" were so similar! I guess it makes sense since our personalities are very similar to begin with. 1) My type is men that are somewhat "quirky", reflective and complex. They are extremely intelligent but also a bit neurotic. They are likely to be sarcastic and have dark sense of humor. I'm with you so far! Generally more pessimistic than optimistic. They work in either creative or academic profession. Yes about the professions. I used to like guys who were very cynical like me, but lately I've been drawn to men who are "reformed pessimists." I'd probably be miserable with someone as pessimistic as I am. Some cynicism is necessary, because I don't think it's possible for someone to be discriminating and not a tad cynical. I just don't like it when their cynicism permeates their whole being. They usually have non-mainstream good looks that still attract plenty of options. Yes, to a degree. I like guys who are either handsome in a *slightly* unconventional way, or conventionally handsome but not All American looking (a bit more pretty and "urban" in type). But typically the guys I like have plenty of admirers. All of the guys I've dated or crushed on were on average given the top rating by women on OKC (5 stars), so my taste must be fairly standard. They are not anal or uptight and are free thinkers. Used to be that I was drawn to the free thinkers, but last few years I like a balance of the two. Too anal and they judge me, while I'm turned off by the disorganization and immaturity that sometimes goes along with free thinking. I don't care for excess "artsiness" in a guy, because I don't find artsy guys make good boyfriends. I like a guy who is basically a free thinker and very creative, but is also serious and able to get things done, probably because that's ultimately what I aspire to be like. They oscillate between being affectionate and sweet and moody and withdrawn. They are confident and assertive but with some vulnerability that they reveal later on. They are animated and passionate and love sex lol. Yes, yes, yes! I can't handle too much affection from a guy, and too little only frustrates me. I think I'd do best with somebody who gives affection in moderate doses, and has occasional (but not infrequent) bursts of love, but also gives me some space. Not crazy about moodiness, though, although that's a common "side effect" with the guys I like. Animation and passion are also near the top of my list. Edited January 13, 2011 by northern_sky
Stitch Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 1) what is your type (be specific)? Personality: I like intelligent, witty, quiet men. Usually introverted, but with a fantastic sense of humour. Affectionate, warm and lovely. Geeky interests. Looks: Have to have lovely hair. Taller than me (I'm 5'1 so not overly hard) and take care of their apperence. 2) what type of men do you usually end up dating, and what type is most drawn to you? Both my relationships have been with the quiet geek type men. I tend to attract loud outgoing extroverts though, Jack the lad types. Doesn't really work out for me as I'm not an overly social person and the men who like me usually are. I don't flourish in party/pub/nightclub environments. 3) does your type ask you out and then lose interest, or does he flat out reject you when you express interest? When and how do these interactions usually fizzle? I asked both of my relationships out, and had a yes both times. So I guess that makes me lucky really. Both were/are long term relationships. My first one fizzled as he became more out going, and wanted to go to parties and stuff. We were quite young and it was my first relationship, and as many people know young people develop and change. So we weren't each others types anymore. 4) what is your type's type? I know that I wouldn't have been my current boyfriends type, but I've grown on him lol. Beggers can't be choosers after all. Hehe. As a quiet book type of man he hadn't really had many relationships or much confidence with women. I think his type is quieter, more dark/goth girls with heaps of intelligence and book smarts. Where as I'm a hyper, optimistic, bright happy person with lots of common sense rather than outright intelligence. I can be loud despite being introverted and talk a fair bit. It works quite well though as he always hates akward silences, but I tend to talk so much there aren't any. 5) getting to know men who fall into your type are they usually what you expect or are they different in some way? I really have no idea.
musemaj111 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I know I like someone when I meet her. I really dont have a checklist like some little girl. Sometimes she isnt even that attractive but somehow I just feel attracted to her more than other more attractive women around her. Its weird.
Emilia Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 1) what is your type (be specific)? funny, extrovert, sporty, kind, loving, bright, assertive, younger than me 2) what type of men do you usually end up dating, and what type is most drawn to you? seriously I tend to date the type listed in 1), not seriously anyone I find hot. I worked out who my type is by taking the best features of the men that are drawn to me therefore the type most drawn to me is my type. 3) does your type ask you out and then lose interest, or does he flat out reject you when you express interest? When and how do these interactions usually fizzle? no they usually don't lose interest nor do they reject me. these interractions usually fizzle when the relationship comes to an end for whatever reason. 4) what is your type's type? me: fit, intellingent, funny, mixture of introvert/extrovert, older 5) getting to know men who fall into your type are they usually what you expect or are they different in some way? well everyone is different in some way of course. sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't
Author northern_sky Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 Actually going to amend my answer to the first question. I think I prefer men who are naturally more introverted, but still able to be social to a degree. I guess what I mean is while they're introverted, they're also good conversationalists and rather charming. They have stuff to say and opinions. Not one of these guys who just sits there passively with a grin on his face while other people talk. That's such a turn off to me.
zengirl Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I'll start. I looking forward to other responses. 1) what is your type (be specific)? personality: extremely bright and articulate, intellectually aggressive, witty, somewhat gregarious, assertive, thinker over feeler, inwardly a bit vulnerable. looks: attractive with intense, large eyes, slimmish. None of these things are bad, but nothing truly important is in this list. The truly important things are things like, how they make you feel, how they treat you, what their values and goals are. I mean, I wouldn't date a man who wasn't smart and good-looking, but that's not really the important part of "what I want." It's like the wheels of a car; I may need it to make them go, but it's not a car by itself. 4) what is your type's type? Probably women who are more extroverted and less emotionally intense than I am. Also they are generally guys who have trouble committing to anyone. I think almost all men would prefer a girl who's not "emotionally intense" in general. To me, that's kind of a nice way of saying emotionally unhealthy or even crazy. Which is not to say that love cannot be intense, but it's usually the chemical reaction between two people that causes the intensity. People who are overly "intense" in general make bad LTRs. Of course, only you know if you're overly intense.
Author northern_sky Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 (edited) None of these things are bad, but nothing truly important is in this list. The truly important things are things like, how they make you feel, how they treat you, what their values and goals are. I mean, I wouldn't date a man who wasn't smart and good-looking, but that's not really the important part of "what I want." It's like the wheels of a car; I may need it to make them go, but it's not a car by itself. I think almost all men would prefer a girl who's not "emotionally intense" in general. To me, that's kind of a nice way of saying emotionally unhealthy or even crazy. Which is not to say that love cannot be intense, but it's usually the chemical reaction between two people that causes the intensity. People who are overly "intense" in general make bad LTRs. Of course, only you know if you're overly intense. Eh, I disagree, and I kind of resent you saying people who are "intense make bad LTRs" or assuming I meant "crazy" without even bothering to inquire how I defined intensity. My definition of intense is that respond to the world around me in a passionate way. I get easily excited about things I like: whether it's art, or something I see in passing. My emotions are not shallow. When I love somebody, that love is deep. I have intense reactions to art and the world in general. A few of my exes really loved this about me. They said I had a rich appreciation of the world, and often remarked that they loved how "vibrant" and "alive" I am. They felt that I helped them appreciate and notice things that they hadn't on their own. I remember one ex would frequently say, "I love you NS," whenever I started talking about something that excited me. Edited January 13, 2011 by northern_sky
zengirl Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 1. My type are nerdy, smart, good-looking men who can have excellent conversations, want LTRs, maintain strong friendships (preferably with men and women), can be reflective about their own lives/traits, have some common interests with me (preferably some of them academic---liking to read is generally included, though it's not a deal-breaker), are intellectually curious, are good listeners, and value the people in their lives more than the things in their lives. They've also got to be men who are attentive to me, have a desire to communicate (the skill level can be worked on), and don't have any emotional barriers, like trust issues, etc. Generally, I go for introverts, though it's not a must. 2. I get asked out by all kinds of men. I date the kinds that are stated above, when they ask me out. I'd rather be single than date a guy who doesn't give me what I need. Being single isn't really terrible. 3. Sure, men have lost interest in me. Beyond types, there are all sorts of intricacies, events, and happenings that affect the strength of a relationship. I've lost interest in men, too. Generally, if something is going to fizzle before it becomes serious, it happens in the first 2 months. After that, the person is so far removed from their "type" that I cannot begin to imagine a pattern. All my LTR break-ups have been different, and I've initiated all but 1, though 1 other was a guy who wouldn't fit the #1 pattern (my college BF) and he was perhaps "mistreating me" before I dropped him. The relationship was long unhealthy before. 4. Generally, the guys I describe in #1 want open, communicative, smart, beautiful women, but who doesn't? I tend to date men who prefer extroverts. The guys who look for LTRs and treat people the way the guy in #1 does tend to prefer stable women, who have decent goals/careers/life choices, etc. They also tend to look for women with friendships and family relationships (not necessarily traditional families, as mine aren't, and it's never been an issue) that are sustained and healthy. But then, my type -- since they have to be attentive to me to be my type -- also like girls like me. 5. Everyone I've ever met is different than I expected in some way. My definition of intense is that respond to the world around me in a passionate way. I get easily excited about things I like: whether it's art, or something I see in passing. My emotions are not shallow. When I love somebody, that love is deep. I have intense reactions to art and the world in general. A few of my exes really loved this about me. They said I had a rich appreciation of the world, and often remarked that they loved how "vibrant" and "alive" I am. They felt that I helped them appreciate and notice things that they hadn't on their own. Passion for life and a joi de vivre are different than "emotionally intense" to me. I'm also just saying that if you run that phrase past most guys, I imagine they'll be thinking, "Crazy." A rich appreciation for the world would be a good thing, if it's tempered with sense. I think most men I know like excitability and passion for something (so do most women), but "intense" is a word with negative connotations. I would have never thought this description from "emotionally intense." I would have thought more, gets connected too fast, gets upset over small things, feels anger freely, etc.
Author northern_sky Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 A rich appreciation for the world would be a good thing, if it's tempered with sense. I think most men I know like excitability and passion for something (so do most women), but "intense" is a word with negative connotations. I would have never thought this description from "emotionally intense." I would have thought more, gets connected too fast, gets upset over small things, feels anger freely, etc. Nope, not what I meant at all, although it certainly can go along with those traits. I *do* tend to get connected too fast at times, but I don't tend to anger easily (although I did as a teen). I've never thought of the word "intense" as having negative or positive connotations without context. It can mean either. I associate it with passion, and I'm generally drawn to guys who are intense themselves in that they get intensely into their interests, respond to things they care about strongly, and are capable of deep love.
Ariadne Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 1) My type is men that are somewhat "quirky", reflective and complex. They are extremely intelligent but also a bit neurotic. They are likely to be sarcastic and have dark sense of humor. Generally more pessimistic than optimistic. They work in either creative or academic profession. They usually have non-mainstream good looks that still attract plenty of options. They are not anal or uptight and are free thinkers. They oscillate between being affectionate and sweet and moody and withdrawn. They are confident and assertive but with some vulnerability that they reveal later on. They are animated and passionate and love sex lol. 2) I end up pursuing men like 1) who are never that into me. Men that really like me are not very intelligent, not very ambitious with blander personality than I would like and average to below looks. They also tend to be passive and sort of "look up to me", almost like they are somewhat intimidated by me. That, of course is a turn off in itself. 3) I almost always manage to hook up with my type. They end up losing interest quickly, mostly because I get over-emotional and they are turned off by that Although to be fair, they don't seem that strongly into me from the start. It's mostly me that is the initiator and I get the sense that they are just going with the flow. 4) I love this question. My type's type are domineering, extroverted, outgoing, loud, emotionally cold and super-confident women. Looks are not as important. I am pretty much the exact opposite of the my type's type which means that I am screwed 5) Hmmm. Still thinking about this one. Excellent thread BTW. What she said. At least so far.
Author northern_sky Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 Nope, not what I meant at all, although it certainly can go along with those traits. I *do* tend to get connected too fast at times, but I don't tend to anger easily (although I did as a teen). I've never thought of the word "intense" as having negative or positive connotations without context. It can mean either. I associate it with passion, and I'm generally drawn to guys who are intense themselves in that they get intensely into their interests, respond to things they care about strongly, and are capable of deep love. forgot to add that the fast attachment is probably what turns guys away, not the more positive aspects of my intensity... although there are some guys who probably find that a turn off as well, usually more conservative ones.
JohnnyBlaze Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Interesting idea for a thread. Personally, I think the moment you have a "type" you have already failed. I always recommend dating a person and not a "type". I am very curios to hear the responses to this though. At the risk of sounding like I'm trying to wuss out here, UT's right, in my case, at least. When I was younger, I used to be able to tell you absolutely everything about what my idea of "the perfect woman" for me would be. And of course, every woman I've ever had a lasting relationship with, or even fallen hard for, has been at the other end of the spectrum in almost every category. I could tell you that I generally like taller blondes, but most of the girls I've fallen for/dated have been shorter girls, some with brown hair, some red and some black. My type and what I think is my type have very little in common. They're all women - that's about it. The only commonality I have found among them is that, for the most part, they're outgoing, socially. They have to be, since I'm not. Other than that, your guess is as good as mine!
welikeincrowds Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 thinker over feeler Oh great, MBTI horse****.
hydorclops Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Stop having a type. Cultivate a sense of wonder. Take people as you find them.
Author northern_sky Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 Oh great, MBTI horse****. lol, I think there' ssome merit to the MBTI. You don't?
SmileFace Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 My type is HUMAN : preferably with a penis. Seriously , I am not picky. :-)
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