Little Bird Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I've been emailing back and forth with this guy for over a week. Our emails have been great, and he gave me his phone number. In my last email I asked him when was the best time for me to call among other things. He replied to my email but did not answer my question, so I decided to just give him my number and let him make the move. I don't know what I should do. Should I just ask him to meet up, or does the fact that he hasn't asked me show he's not interested? It's strange, because from what I've read here, it's often the men who want to meet up right away, but with him it's different. If I ask him to meet up, does that make me look desperate? I'm new to online dating, so I have no idea what are the parameters.
Star Gazer Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Do you know if he's new to online dating too? I've found the experienced men online want to meet up right away, whereas the newer men are a little more unsure of how the whole process is 'supposed' to go. I met my ex online, and I was his first and last online date - ever. He had no idea what he was doing, whereas I was a seasoned pro. We exchanged so many emails, that eventually I just said, "This is when you're supposed to suggest we get together for coffee, but I'd prefer drinks and appetizers. ;)" He took the bait and ran with it. Give it a shot.
Little Bird Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Okay, I'll ask him out. I'm sooooo nervous.
Star Gazer Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Eh, you're not really asking him out so much as telling him if he asks you out he's got a guaranteed yes. I know it's a lil' awkward and can be a little hand-wringing, but what have you got to lose?
Little Bird Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 It's just I have pretty much given him the go ahead. In one email to him, I wrote, "I hope to meet you soon, even if all that happens out of it is friendship." He replied, something along the lines of, "Yes, I look forward to meeting you", but without actually asking me out. ???
Little Bird Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Also, I just emailed him today. Should I wait until he responds to that email before asking him on a date, so that I don't look desperate?
Star Gazer Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Also, I just emailed him today. Should I wait until he responds to that email before asking him on a date, so that I don't look desperate? Yes, I'd wait. Once he responds, bring up your previous suggestion about meeting. Something like, "So, we both are looking forward to meeting each other. How do you suggest we make that happen? ;)" If he doesn't bite on that, he's either still really timid/shy/unsure or just really not able to read obvious social cues (aka dumb). Either way, it's not a reflection on you - at all. Keep us posted!!
Little Bird Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Yes, I'd wait. Once he responds, bring up your previous suggestion about meeting. Something like, "So, we both are looking forward to meeting each other. How do you suggest we make that happen? ;)" I just might steal your words there. I am nervous about meeting people online, especially since I'm new to it, but I think it's better for me to meet him soon, as I don't want him to think I'm just stringing him along just for the attention. It's so hard to read people over the internet. I'm being sincere, but I don't want to come off desperate.
Confusedalways Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Sounds like he's new to online dating-- I suggest you use SG's line. I was nervous too but you'll find it's not so bad. I don't think you will come off as desperate, as obviously you are on the online dating site for a purpose... a date. Not a penpal.
musemaj111 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 (edited) I never did online dating although I have online profiles. Honestly, I dont know how online dating works. The whole thing just seems weird. "I hope to meet you soon, even if all that happens out of it is friendship." Oh no, dont tell me you really said that ,,, There is a difference between being assertive and being desperate. Being desperate is what you just did. You shot yourself before you even went to battle. But hopefully he didnt see it that way. Edited January 13, 2011 by musemaj111
Little Bird Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I never did online dating although I have online profiles. Honestly, I dont know how online dating works. The whole thing just seems weird. Oh no, dont tell me you really said that ,,, There is a difference between being assertive and being desperate. Being desperate is what you just did. You shot yourself before you even went to battle. But hopefully he didnt see it that way. Really? What I said sounded desperate? Okay, now I'm starting to realize why people hate internet dating. You have to be so careful with what you say, because it can be easily misinterpreted. I'm not desperate, if anything I'm hesitant to meet strangers, but I guess I'm totally naive when it comes to saying the right things online.
Star Gazer Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Little Bird, what you said wasn't desperate at all.
Little Bird Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Also, I only wrote that I wanted to meet up after a week of the both of us emailing each other everyday. AND he was the one who messaged me first.
musemaj111 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Really? What I said sounded desperate? Okay, now I'm starting to realize why people hate internet dating. You have to be so careful with what you say, because it can be easily misinterpreted. I'm not desperate, if anything I'm hesitant to meet strangers, but I guess I'm totally naive when it comes to saying the right things online. Optimist: "I hope to meet you soon. We are going to have fun." Pessimist: "I hope to meet you soon, even if all that happens out of it is friendship." But dont beat yourself over it. The guy could be just as nervous as you.
OceanGirl Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I am a pro-internet-dater and I have asked guys to meet me in about 40% of the cases. If we e-mail for a week and he still hasn't asked - I become really straight forward and say "Would you like to meet for a drink or coffee?" I always get a positive response. Sometimes they even say "How about dinner?". I don't care if I sound desperate - I mean we are all on the online dating site - no need to pretend otherwise.
musemaj111 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Being desperate is if you are begging. Saying, "Lets go take a walk at the park" is not desperate. Its confident. What makes someone desperate or confident is the attitude, not the gender. I learned from a 'dating' book that when you are asking someone to go out, dont present it as a question. Say, "Lets do this", instead of "Would you do this?"
Little Bird Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I've only been online for a week, and already I can see why people quit. Maybe it's just better to meet people in real life. I just wanted to try online dating because quite a few of my friends have had success with it. Maybe the guy is chatting with other girls he is more interested in, but I might as well try to be more assertive.
Confusedalways Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I've only been online for a week, and already I can see why people quit. Maybe it's just better to meet people in real life. I just wanted to try online dating because quite a few of my friends have had success with it. Maybe the guy is chatting with other girls he is more interested in, but I might as well try to be more assertive. Always assume they are seeing/ talking to other people. It'll save you a lot of stress.
bac Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Really? What I said sounded desperate? Okay, now I'm starting to realize why people hate internet dating. You have to be so careful with what you say, because it can be easily misinterpreted. I'm not desperate, if anything I'm hesitant to meet strangers, but I guess I'm totally naive when it comes to saying the right things online. It did not sound desperate to me. I have translated that into 'don't be surprised if I put you in friendzone. Because I do not care for anything physical including even kisses, but, certainly, I would love to meet for a nice dinner'.
Little Bird Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 It did not sound desperate to me. I have translated that into 'don't be surprised if I put you in friendzone. Because I do not care for anything physical including even kisses, but, certainly, I would love to meet for a nice dinner'. I wrote that I was looking forward to seeing him, even if nothing romantical turns up to make it clear I wasn't desperate to find my soul mate online. I was trying to show I was realistic. But then maybe that came off too negative or pessimistic (as someone else has already mentioned here)?
oaks Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I wrote that I was looking forward to seeing him, even if nothing romantical turns up to make it clear I wasn't desperate to find my soul mate online. I was trying to show I was realistic. But then maybe that came off too negative or pessimistic (as someone else has already mentioned here)? I didn't think it sounded desperate. Sure, it could've been more up-beat but it was fine. Don't worry about it or you'll be falling in to the trap of over-analysing it.
Saxis Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 We exchanged so many emails, that eventually I just said, "This is when you're supposed to suggest we get together for coffee, but I'd prefer drinks and appetizers. ;)" He took the bait and ran with it. Bait... or dynamite? If that doesn't do the trick, he's not that interested.
musemaj111 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I've only been online for a week, and already I can see why people quit. Maybe it's just better to meet people in real life. I just wanted to try online dating because quite a few of my friends have had success with it. Maybe the guy is chatting with other girls he is more interested in, but I might as well try to be more assertive. Maybe you should give it a few shots before quitting. I prefer meeting people in real life because I can make instant connection and it feels more romantic. I hear online dating often feels like a series of job interviews.
GivenUp0083 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I've been emailing back and forth with this guy for over a week. Our emails have been great, and he gave me his phone number. In my last email I asked him when was the best time for me to call among other things. He replied to my email but did not answer my question, so I decided to just give him my number and let him make the move. I don't know what I should do. Should I just ask him to meet up, or does the fact that he hasn't asked me show he's not interested? It's strange, because from what I've read here, it's often the men who want to meet up right away, but with him it's different. If I ask him to meet up, does that make me look desperate? I'm new to online dating, so I have no idea what are the parameters. There are no rules. Some of the best relationships I know of people were where people acted outside these rules and their SO's loved them for it. Do you want to go on a date with him? If yes, ask him out. If he likes you he'll accept and have a fun time. If he says no because he didn't like you then you found out early, no harm no foul. If a guy wouldn't go out with you because he thinks politely asking him on a date is too desperate, then do you really want to be with a guy in that mindset anyway??
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