beamer81 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I've been seeing this girl now LDR roughly now for a little over 2 months....I've known her for over a year after meeting overseas and we've kept in touch via email throughout only having it evolved to what it has recently. Things had been going well and we've been travelling interstate visiting each-other every couple weeks in our home towns. She was even looking at moving to where I am for work and I was prepared to do the same after I finish my studies this year. Basically you could say in my honest opinion she was perfect for me.... Now here's where it gets strange.....I travelled up to her home town 2 weeks ago to spend new years with her then we both had a flight booked back to where I live to spend the whole week together in a short stay apartment. The first couple nights at her house went great. Belated christmas presents were exchanged, laughs were had, affection was shown. ON the 3rd day she started acting a little withdrawn. NOW, she has always been a little introverted but I noticed a slight change in her. After asking her what was wrong she basically said she was a little tired and not feeling herself. She also mentioned that her bedroom was her 'quite space' where she escapes and probably the fact that I was there made her feel a little vulnerable. I totally got this and ensured I tried to not make her feel uneasy. The next day she even became more withdrawn/disconnected and I sensed that something a little more serious may be wrong. We were to catch a flight today to my home town. I ensure I didn't 'overcrowd' her and was aware that all was not right. This disconnection continued the next day and basically the whole week. It seriously sucked......it was as if the walls had been even more erected as days went on, she became cold, even more introverted, I found it extremely difficult to make conversation with her, and felt as though it was totally out of my control. After asking her what the situation was one night she opened up a little and said she didn't feel herself and was aware she had become disconnected. She put it down to being a result of effects her previous relationship had on her with a boyfriend who was verbally abusive (this ended 2 and a half years ago mind you). I respected that and even though she was unsure why she was acting like this, put it down to possibly not wanting to get hurt again. I continued to give her space all week and didn't saturate her with my presence hoping she might come around. She had mentioned this previous boyfriend was an arsehole on a number of occasions and had trouble trusting men since. This is where I am stumped. All was great the past 2 months and I was sure we had built up some sort of connection, I mean, the chemistry was there. For her to just automatically shut down made no sense to me, then again, she is female...I said to her it would be much easier if it was a simple case of her not feeling it between us and to let me know. She said it wasn't on a couple of occasions but I am a little unsure if she's just saying that because she doesn't want to let me down harshly. This 'coldness' continued the whole week which was extremely difficult and awkward to say the least. She knows I really like her, care for her and want be with her. It even continued all the way to the airport. I dropped her off, left with barely a hug and was on my merry way home. I've messaged her a couple times since expressing that it was a little disappointing it turned out that way but still let her know I was here from her, didn't judge her and was willing to stand by what ever decision she made. She basically said she didn't like feeling the way she did, nor treating me like this, and hoped she could get past it. She said she has to sort her feelings out and will let me know.... It's been 4 days now and i've not contacted her, trying to give her some space.....What do u think has happened, should I try initiate some contact or give it until the end of the week? Sorry for such a long winded thread but I'm struggling to work out what the **** happened! Thanks for your replies in advanced!
Author beamer81 Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 (edited) I must also make a note that she mentioned the same thing happened after a couple months with the last guy she started seeing. She then ended it...I can't help thinking if it's not a case of me, then maybe she shuts down when she feels any sort of connection develop with someone Edited January 13, 2011 by beamer81
TheGrimSweeper Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Just leave her be and let her talk to you when shes ready, its the only thing you can do at the moment.
ClayMatthews Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Yup. Nothing you can do buddy. She knows how you feel, now just sit back and relax.
twinrexes Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Pretty sure she has intimacy issues. The LDR is safe for someone like this due to the built in distance, but then if you get too close... Also, even the verbally abusive guy can be a symptom of the problem, not the cause of it. He's not someone she had to worry too much about getting close to since he had some obvious issues of his own. If you leave her completely alone and put no pressure on her whatsoever, she'll probably miss you and reach out again. But I'm betting you'll be in for this come-her-go-away-stuff indefinitely unless she gets it worked out.
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