Author 9Lives Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 Frankly, are you surprised that this guy gave up on you? You sounded about as interested in him as a rabbit is in steak. Unless this guy was an example of guys who are interested in you and you DON'T like? In which case you behaved perfectly and achieved your goal, so I don't see what the problem is. LOL...this is the short version. This guy knew I was interested. I know he knew. I showed interest in me. Dating is a trip sometimes cause if you show too much iinterest, you doing too much. If you don't show a lot of interest, that's why they walked away. Texting all the time and not calling is not the way to build a rela(ionship. I should have dealt with that instead. But its water under the bridge. He met a girl at the gym a coule days ago and he decided to throw away his black book. Yeah right. Okay, on to the next one.
carhill Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 It's pretty immediate, like after your first real conversation. That's an interesting intimacy style. Incompatible, but interesting. Glad I'm 51 and that part of my life is done, TBH.
Billy_Boy Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Can you explain the differences between the guys you like and cant get vs the guys you dont like but can? It almost sounds like a purely physical thing from here, but I am sure I am wrong. What jumps to my mind is that you can get the guys who are maybe not super hunky or attractive but you are having trouble with the guys who have a bit more options?
hydorclops Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 LOL...this is the short version. This guy knew I was interested. I know he knew. I showed interest in me. Dating is a trip sometimes cause if you show too much iinterest, you doing too much. If you don't show a lot of interest, that's why they walked away. I'm guessing this is not a typo
paddington bear Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I suffer from the same thing. If I like them it is the kiss of death. If I am politely disinterested, the guy is all over me. Which leads me to believe that one has to play stupid games of polite disinterest in order to maintain the interest of the one you do want. And I for one am not willing to do that. However...ponder on this (I have). When you are looking for a boyfriend and when every date or possibility goes nowhere what happens is that when someone you have some attraction to shows an interest in you, it causes.... gratefulness not lust, not 'hmm, not sure if I like him back', not 'this is fun, will see what happens' but... gratefulness Someone you find attractive (be it physically or personality) has shown some interest in you. Finally. Because they showed the interest, you feel relaxed enough to think that the signs they like you are there, you won't get rejected. You reciprocate your interest. And then Poof! They are gone off with some other chick in the gym. On some level you have to think 'wait a minute, what/who/what traits do I want?' rather than passively reacting to someone else who thinks that they might want you. It is a subtle, but key difference I think.
radiodarcy Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 *sigh* that's the story of my non-existent love life. i'm so over dating right now. i'm content to sit at home with my basset hound and cats and watch pbs. it's a lot better than dealing with that BS. and for the record, no - - the interested vs. the disinterested is not based on physical appearance. i've been attracted to guys who weren't my "type" who still werent interested in me.
ivalm Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Yeah: high school/college/to the lesser extent grad school were times when I met people randomly, almost everyone was single and I didn't really have to do much. These days, most men I meet in their early 30's and older are married. Grad school full of single women? Where? When? It's like northern_sky's comment in another thread about there being many pretty girls around campus.. Yes, you can find them, but it's always A LOT of work. As for finding your type of guys, switching a place where you pick up guys could work... Perhaps your type frequents certain places that you don't? Or maybe your type likes some mix-gender hobbies, which you could acquire? I guess my *little* experience with OKC taught me that while there are many people on the websites, they oftentimes have much higher expectations than real-life acquaintances and yet at the same time are also more often "off" or have a deal-breaker. So I think oftentimes it is wiser to spend your time trying to find your SO in real life -- you might meet less people but somehow quality is better... Or maybe it's only because my type of girl is unlikely to go to a dating website Anyways, something to consider.
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