9Lives Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Well LS, this is the only place I can keep it totally real. I meet guys who like me but the ones I like, I cant seem to get them to like me or take me serious. I really dont understand it. Maybe Im just being negative. There are plenty of guys who give me lots of compliments. They say why are you single. But everyone one I like, its like it doesnt go anywhere or something. Maybe its the guys Im attracted to thats the problem. I really dont know. I try not to take it personal because I dont want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with me. I see it as a good sign from up above. Im not chasing after guys either. I just dont know what that is all about. Im not ugly at all and Im friendly. I dont get it. 1
Saxis Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 How do you know they aren't interested? Have you pursued them and been rejected, or they just haven't asked you out? Are you attracted to the shy, quiet ones? Could be a big factor...
paleblue Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 i feel the same way, the girls i like i can never seem to get, and the ones i dont want anything to do with i cant get rid of. ugggg. its like the universe is playing a life long cosmic joke on me. why me? you're not alone 9Lives. i dont get it either. at all.
Author 9Lives Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 How do you know they aren't interested? Have you pursued them and been rejected, or they just haven't asked you out? Are you attracted to the shy, quiet ones? Could be a big factor... Today is a good example. It has been this guy who I met at the gym. I left the gym. He came out the gym running to my car and ask me for my number. He texted alot and I told him I really dont like texting but I gave him the benefit of the doubt cause he is a police officer. Anyway, we talked and he told me that he wanted to take me out the following Friday. I said okay. Friday comes and he texts me early saying, something came up we will have to get together another time. Im like ok. We didnt talk for alittle while. He text me, and tells me how pretty I am and that he wants to see me and really wants to make things better. I say ok again. Today he texts me and says that he met a chic at the gym and that he is going to try to work things out with her and that he wanted to see if I wanted to be friends. I said, this is the second time you have done this so Im good. He said, I just wanted to be honest with you. I said ok and deleted his number out of my phone and fb. What else could I say.
Dilusional Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Well maybe the people that you "like" arent the ones you should be with and maybe the ones you "dont like" are really the ones who are meant for you, its a serious possibility. And maybe your taste is a bit flawed, as you are seeking people who generally have nothing in common with you, or seeking people who a relationship would not really work.
Author 9Lives Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 i feel the same way, the girls i like i can never seem to get, and the ones i dont want anything to do with i cant get rid of. ugggg. its like the universe is playing a life long cosmic joke on me. why me? you're not alone 9Lives. i dont get it either. at all. OMG paleblue!!! it is the worst. I am so happy Im not alone on this. I feel like Im the only person dealing with this. Why cant I met a good guy that we have a mutual respect and love for? Its so sad!
Author 9Lives Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 Well maybe the people that you "like" arent the ones you should be with and maybe the ones you "dont like" are really the ones who are meant for you, its a serious possibility. And maybe your taste is a bit flawed, as you are seeking people who generally have nothing in common with you, or seeking people who a relationship would not really work. Well Dilusional, again, I much rather know upfront so I dont waste my time. It is weird that these guys seek me out. Im not after them. I dont really be doing anything and I know that they are attracted to me. The ones I really dont like, I would not be able to handle them. I would be a evil bitch to them cause I really dont like them. I cant be around someone Im not attracted to. 1
tigressA Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 The same thing happens to me. I try not to take it as a big blow and figure they're just not meant for me. I decided recently to take a break from dating, as it's been more frustrating than fun. I don't get out very much but I have some social engagements coming up, so am just going to focus on having fun and getting other things in order. They say that when you're not "looking" for it it just falls into your lap. Additionally, it's not about getting someone to like you...one either likes someone or they don't. It's likely that we'll never know why someone doesn't like us. We just have to chalk it up as no big deal and go on.
Author 9Lives Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 The same thing happens to me. I try not to take it as a big blow and figure they're just not meant for me. I decided recently to take a break from dating, as it's been more frustrating than fun. I don't get out very much but I have some social engagements coming up, so am just going to focus on having fun and getting other things in order. They say that when you're not "looking" for it it just falls into your lap. Additionally, it's not about getting someone to like you...one either likes someone or they don't. It's likely that we'll never know why someone doesn't like us. We just have to chalk it up as no big deal and go on. I see it that way too. I try not to take it personally myself and to keep a good attitude about it. I rather know on the front end instead of the back end.
ivalm Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I see it that way too. I try not to take it personally myself and to keep a good attitude about it. I rather know on the front end instead of the back end. Remember, there is a large set of guys out there, out of them, you like only a small subset. The subset of guys that likes YOU is effectively independent of the subset you like. For a relationship to form the two subsets have to overlap, in your case, you have found that the overlap between the two subsets is too small. What can be done? You can increase the subset that likes you (perhaps, but difficult), or you can increase the subset that you accept (lower standards, but may be that's too unacceptable). Otherwise exhaustive search.. dating is an NP kind of problem. Good luck! (random use of math terms ftw!)
carhill Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Yep, it must suck getting all those unwanted compliments How long would you say is the time from when you are first aware of a man's presence to the time when you decide you don't like him? Just give me an average, based on the last ten men you didn't like. Is what you *want* in an intimate relationship matching up with the men you are *attracted to*? Why or why not? Were you attracted to the police officer *before* he approached you? If so, what about him attracted you? If not, why not? As TBF would say, it's people-picker stuff. BTDT, working on it every day. Good luck
OceanGirl Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Remember, there is a large set of guys out there, out of them, you like only a small subset. The subset of guys that likes YOU is effectively independent of the subset you like. For a relationship to form the two subsets have to overlap, in your case, you have found that the overlap between the two subsets is too small. What can be done? You can increase the subset that likes you (perhaps, but difficult), or you can increase the subset that you accept (lower standards, but may be that's too unacceptable). Otherwise exhaustive search.. dating is an NP kind of problem. Good luck! (random use of math terms ftw!) I like this... And I have exactly the same problem. The worst is when they *seem* to like you, they act that way, they call you , they ask you out - only to drop you 2 weeks later or something. I would prefer to be rejected straight away
Surrealist Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 They say that when you're not "looking" for it it just falls into your lap. Hear this rubbish a lot, whoever 'they' is, are full of poo poo.
carhill Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Yep, over halfway done and no rain in my lap. 1
OceanGirl Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Hear this rubbish a lot, whoever 'they' is, are full of poo poo. Yep, this never worked out for me either. I have to be actively trying to even have a shot in hell of finding somebody.
paleblue Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 They say that when you're not "looking" for it it just falls into your lap. ugggg, this saying!!!! i want to stab myself everytime i hear this!!!! sorry tigressA dont mean to pound on you! Ive heard this so much lately I start laughing in disdain everytime i hear it. when youre not looking fo it when you least expect it rah rah rah grrrrrrrrrrrrr. i am dying. i am going to die from an aneurysm if i hear it again. it's not true!
dispatch3d Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Today is a good example. It has been this guy who I met at the gym. I left the gym. He came out the gym running to my car and ask me for my number. He texted alot and I told him I really dont like texting but I gave him the benefit of the doubt cause he is a police officer. Anyway, we talked and he told me that he wanted to take me out the following Friday. I said okay. Friday comes and he texts me early saying, something came up we will have to get together another time. Im like ok. We didnt talk for alittle while. He text me, and tells me how pretty I am and that he wants to see me and really wants to make things better. I say ok again. Today he texts me and says that he met a chic at the gym and that he is going to try to work things out with her and that he wanted to see if I wanted to be friends. I said, this is the second time you have done this so Im good. He said, I just wanted to be honest with you. I said ok and deleted his number out of my phone and fb. What else could I say. This is where you messed up. Don't give guys hints you feel disinterested - even if you do feel disinterested. Especially before you meet them. It makes guys wonder if you'll bother to show up, if you are worth the effort (as in you may just be very meh, and he'll have to pull a rabbit out of his ass to make things work). Just be positive about who they are, and enthusiastic about doing something with them (when they offer). Throw some signs that you're interested like haha that's hilarious, laughing at **** that isn't funny, being overly friendly, yadayada. I mean you sound like an attractive chick just be more accepting .
tigressA Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 ugggg, this saying!!!! i want to stab myself everytime i hear this!!!! sorry tigressA dont mean to pound on you! Ive heard this so much lately I start laughing in disdain everytime i hear it. when youre not looking fo it when you least expect it rah rah rah grrrrrrrrrrrrr. i am dying. i am going to die from an aneurysm if i hear it again. it's not true! Oh, I wasn't saying I agreed with it at all. I agree with those who say it's a load of crap...sure it's happened to me that way, but I was in different circumstances then. I was in college, surrounded by people all the time. Things are really different now. I wrote a journal entry on OKC a little while ago centered around that saying and I had a comment saying "They use that to justify their inaction. Not looking is cowardice disguised as faith." Couldn't have said it better myself.
OceanGirl Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Yeah: high school/college/to the lesser extent grad school were times when I met people randomly, almost everyone was single and I didn't really have to do much. These days, most men I meet in their early 30's and older are married.
northern_sky Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 How long would you say is the time from when you are first aware of a man's presence to the time when you decide you don't like him? Just give me an average, based on the last ten men you didn't like. It's pretty immediate, like after your first real conversation.
OceanGirl Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 BTW I work with quite a few women that are single and have never been married early 30's - late 40's. I talked to them and most said that at some point in their lives they just gave up and accepted that they will never get married. It's so bad that few said "I haven't had a date in 5 years" They kind of showed me my future if I did nothing about my dating life. That TRULY scared me into singing up on OKC.
OceanGirl Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 It's pretty immediate, like after your first real conversation. Yeah, I know right away. Of course - sometimes there are deeper incompatibilities that are revealed later. But I know right away if I want to f%^& someone or not. Sorry to be blunt :S
northern_sky Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Yeah, I know right away. Of course - sometimes there are deeper incompatibilities that are revealed later. But I know right away if I want to f%^& someone or not. Sorry to be blunt :S yeah, usually it's even faster than a full conversation. Like probably within the first minute or so of talking. Then there are guys who kind of grow on you after a bit, and you begin to think in a moment of boredom or desperation, maybe they wouldn't be so bad for a roll in the hay or a few dates. But whenever you try to date those guys, you always lose interest eventually.
Els Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Today is a good example. It has been this guy who I met at the gym. I left the gym. He came out the gym running to my car and ask me for my number. He texted alot and I told him I really dont like texting but I gave him the benefit of the doubt cause he is a police officer. Anyway, we talked and he told me that he wanted to take me out the following Friday. I said okay. Friday comes and he texts me early saying, something came up we will have to get together another time. Im like ok. We didnt talk for alittle while. He text me, and tells me how pretty I am and that he wants to see me and really wants to make things better. I say ok again. Today he texts me and says that he met a chic at the gym and that he is going to try to work things out with her and that he wanted to see if I wanted to be friends. I said, this is the second time you have done this so Im good. He said, I just wanted to be honest with you. I said ok and deleted his number out of my phone and fb. What else could I say. Frankly, are you surprised that this guy gave up on you? You sounded about as interested in him as a rabbit is in steak. Unless this guy was an example of guys who are interested in you and you DON'T like? In which case you behaved perfectly and achieved your goal, so I don't see what the problem is.
OceanGirl Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 yeah, usually it's even faster than a full conversation. Like probably within the first minute or so of talking. Then there are guys who kind of grow on you after a bit, and you begin to think in a moment of boredom or desperation, maybe they wouldn't be so bad for a roll in the hay or a few dates. But whenever you try to date those guys, you always lose interest eventually. The bolded has happened to me quite a few times. Sometimes, I am not particularly attracted or repelled by a guy. We keep talking and I start to wonder if I could date him (usually when lonely and desperate). It never works out. I also have a bad habit of re-contacting men whom I briefly dated and rejected because I didn't feel that spark. It always becomes obvious that there really is no spark within the first few new round of dates
Recommended Posts