trapped1982 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Hi, I'm just looking for advice. Im 28 and hes 46 been together for 6yrs... married 1yr. Not sure i wanted to get married. But he was pushing me. asking me everyday when we getting married. Then one day he says will you please just pick a day. So I did. And 2 months later we where married. Im not happy. Have not been. Im going to admit that im in a comfort zone sure. When we first got together he was not like he is now. It change after the first 2yrs together. And got worse after we got married He is a very jealous person. not saying im not. for example.. Im very close to my family so if i want to hang out with my sister he gets very upset. he makes me feel like i need to ask to go there or anywhere for that matter. And then on my way there i need to call when i get there and he calls who knows how many times after when im there. Like i might be doing something wrong. My mom made my wedding dress so i had to go there a few times to get fitted for it and boy he got mad cause i had to go there so much. is it normal for for me to feel like i need to ask to go places? Even when i run to the store i have to call when i get there. Yes i have told him about everything im writing about. But still does not seem to help.. Maybe for aweek or so. and then back to his normal self. I have not got many friends left because i always say i cant go out with them.... Even if im off of work for a day i can go somewhere just have to back by the time he gets home from work or he gets mad. And i have to have the house work done before he gets home. So after i get off work i have to rush to clean up any mess there might be. I do not cheat nor have i ever cheated on him. Nor do i talk to other guys. Next problem im having trouble with is.... Sex. He has to have it once a day or he gets really mad. Even if im sick in bed he has to have it.He even wants to watch me be with someone else. And i will not do that! and he says im no fun, and im to live a little. well to me thats not living. I like to have sex with him but thats all it is. Does not feel like love. and alot of the time its just something else i need to do before i go to bed.I just feel like im his toy sometimes cause im young. He has gained alot of weight since we've met. Im 135lbs and hes 300lbs. So maybe hes scared to lose me? I dont know. I did get the balls to tell him everything and i did tell him i dont love him but he replyed by telling me to get out. and then when i left he got mad cause i was gone so long with out calling him back. and he cryed for me to come back. So that made me feel bad so i went back, Hes been married 2 times before me and has a 6yr old a 18 yr old and 19 yr old. And the 18 yr old lives with us. And i know thats hard on me aswell. cause hes just like his father. I just dont know what to do. Im not happy and everytime im home i want to leave. and i get a lump in my throat cause im wanting to do more with my life, I always have to do what he wants me to do.... lets say we are watching tv and hes done watching and wants to get on the internet well i have to do that aswell. Or if hes sleepy and wants to go to bed I have to be there to. Yes i have my flaws to. But im just over whelmed by all this. And he says im crazy to think what i think and on cloud 9 and living in lala land. Any advice would be great. And to the people on here saying im complaining dont reply to me if you feel this way!!! Thanks for any advice,
hopesndreams Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I don't think you're complaining BUT alot of what is going on in your M is what's going on in 80% of the marriages out there. Yeah, I made that up BUT it does sound plausible. Both my marriages were the same kinda deal. Gotta put the man #1!! Well, I did. Both M's ended in divorce. Don't lose yourself. Stand up for yourself. Go out, do things, with or without the H. He just has to deal with it!
hopesndreams Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 He even wants to watch me be with someone else. And i will not do that! Missed this one. Sounds like a dealbreaker for you. Can't say I blame ya. Tell him you didn't sign up for that kind of depravity when you signed the dotted line. If he keeps seriously bringing it up, divorce him.
quankanne Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 lotta red flags here, IMO, kiddo – sounds like a psychologically abusive situation on your hands.
Spark1111 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Get out. Get out now. Re-Read everything in your post. He is rigid, controlling, uncaring of your needs and feelings, is trying to isolate you from family and friends, rushed you to marriage and now.... has gained weight, demands you clean the house, work your job, and have sex daily, even while sick. Why are you still there? It sounds as if he needed the ego boost of having a young wife and now wants you as a plaything. Get out now.
You Go Girl Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 He married you because of one reason only--he could control you. He saw this personality weakness in you, and grabbed ahold of you quick. It's all abuse. It's up to you to see it, and if you don't do something about it, it will get much worse, probably even lead to physical assault, and in 10 years you will be in the same situation but much worse. Your life, your choice. Don't say you weren't warned though. You need to educate yourself on equal rights, narcissism, control freaks, and what abuse is. Start reading on the internet. Get googling these terms, get busy, because your happiness so much depends on that you get an education of what is happening to you.
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