Dmoney28 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Hello everyone, its been a while since i last posted. But as of late, i have been having serious doubt about myself and progess. Basically i was dumped by my ex about 2 years ago, and rightfully so. i cheated on her, was not taking care of my responsibilities and was unemployed. If i were in her shoes, i would have dumped me as well. After a months of begging and pleading....and another year of strict No contact, i got better. i saw a pychologist and atteneded group councelling to address my issues. I read tons of self help books...and i learned to take responsibility for my actions. It took me a good solid year to forgive myself for my selfish and hatefull attitude and actions. The guilt was very hard to get rid of..but i feel better about myself I went back to school, landed a pretty decent job making way more than i ever did. Went back to church and reconnected with many people i alienated over the years due to my marijuana smoking. because of the nature of my work i had the oppurtunity to travel the world and work at many exotic locations..thailand, guam and hawaii. I started going back to the gym..and not to brag, but through intense training( and a means of escape) i sculpted my body in such a way i was approach to compete in amatuer fitness model competitions. My life literally did a 360..i worked my butt off to get were i was. I have dated maybe 5 diffrent women and i enjoy female company. i even went through this weird phase where dating women became more of a hobby. ...But why the hell cant i be happy? whenever i start dating someone i get this nagging voice in my head "this dosent feel right"....i go through the motions of the relationship..but i freak out when it starts to get serious and eventually i distance myself. i know alot of people say im not over my ex. I know im not over my ex...but im sure i dont love her anymore... its been 2 years, i havent spoken or seen her in a year. the last time i saw her i quickly exited the freeway when she pulled up next to me...I accepted her being in another relationship...i accepted that i was the bad guy in that past relationship. My question is...has anyone else been in this type of situation...where you clearly have improved yourself , dated others, remained NC..but cant shake the memory or old feeling of your ex? its like what the F do i have to do to rid myself of this. it sometimes feels so fresh..yet like a life time ago. any words will help..be they critical ..or supportive.
500daysofsummer Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 you say you know you don't love her anymore but you can't shake remembering your ex? what is it then? you must still love her man
Von Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Don't worry your not alone. Alot of people go through this, and some exes can take YEARS to get over. It's been over a year for me, and my ex is still in my memory sometimes. I seem to forget her when I'm dating someone but when I'm single I think of her several times a week... Most of it anger for dumping me and taking herself from me. But i was a complete wuss so I understand why and I totally changed my life because of it, just like you. There really is no answer or solution to this. The only thing to do is stay in No Contact. one day you'll just up and forget about her and what you did. Life is weird like that.
Kansas Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 First of all, I want to tell you that I genuinely sympathize with your situation. I don't entirely agree with the comment that one day you will wake up and magically feel better, because I think if you genuinely love someone you really do carry a part of them in your heart forever. However, you do need to rid yourself of the guilt and forgive yourself for who you used to be and the choices you made at that time. You're a different person now and probably wouldn't act the same way that you did back then. I was on the other side of this story once. I was MADLY in love with my ex-boyfriend and he cheated on me. I was absolutely gutted. He begged and pleaded to get me back for a solid year - even after I started seeing someone. He did 'no contact' for about a year and a half and then one day out of the blue I got a text message from him that said, 'come over to my house. tell no one'. He had cheated on me, I was crushed and frankly could never trust him again, but still after a year and a half I STILL loved him. So I went. It wasn't until I saw him again face to face that I realized how far I had come in my healing journey. There was still a very strong sexual connection (I didn't act on this); it was like no time had gone by at all and we talked like we had never parted. We used that moment to get our peace and our closure. He said he was sorry. I said I was sorry that I was so stubborn and intent on getting back at him by not talking to him, and frankly for hurting him. I love you's were exchanged - sincere. And then we agreed to never see each other again. It wasn't until that day that I was genuinely able to move on (even though I was the 'supposed' injured party) in a healthy way. It took me another 6 months to completely get over him (where I wasn't thinking about him every day) but that came in a much more peaceful way (no restlessness or anxiety) and from a loving place. It has been almost 7 years now since he and I broke up and 4 years since that evening. I am no longer in love with him, but I definitely do carry a piece of him in my heart and I always will. Thought of him no longer make me angry, but I smile whenever I think of him, and now can even laugh at everything we put each other through. I know it's long-winded, but I hope it helps to get a perspective from someone who has been there. I think what I am saying with all of this, is that you need to release the guilt, forgive yourself and get closure on the situation. It may not be possible to talk to her, but try writing a letter (that you never send!) and releasing it that way. You owe it to yourself. And if you and her had not gone through what you did, you would of never become who you are today. Things happen for a reason. And you'll meet someone that you have that connection with again, but only if you allow yourself to move on.
shayan Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 you're hanging on to something inside, something which is integrally tied to your ex. You need to go within and release that ****. You can change your job, marry Kate Perry, and win the lottery and it still won't change that.
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