Cee Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 In September, I got off the dating train and decided to be celibate for the rest of the year. Online dating took it's toll on me and I was very depressed. I was burnt out. In the past 4 months, I've been content with not dating and enjoyed the freedom of not "looking." Anyway, it's January and I still have zero desire to date. My libido is a little on the low side, but that might be a protective mechanism from being lonely and frustrated. I feel like I want to retire from dating forever. What I'd really like to do is not date anymore. I'd like to just go about my life and if I encounter a guy, then see what happens. But I never meet dates that way. I suspect that I have completely given up on meeting an SO. It's been so long that I've had a boyfriend (6 1/2 years) that I can't remember what being in a relationship is like. I'm concerned that I have closed my heart off and that I will never experience that wonderful being "in love" feeling again. Any words of wisdom or encouragement? Should I get back on the dating horse or give myself more time not dating? Thanks.
TaraMaiden Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 I dunno... What would you really like to do....? I mean, you sound as if you fully accept that your happiness isn't dependent on having a SO in your life, and yet you seem to think you could do with one... So what do you think?
carhill Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Myself, I just 'let it happen' once in awhile with someone I otherwise find attractive just to make sure the parts are still working.... And no, I don't mean the sexual parts, rather the love and intimacy parts. Recent experiments show that indeed the parts still work, so I'm OK with continued celibacy. Relationships aren't the be-all and end-all of living. Been in enough disastrous ones to realize that now.. Last time I dated 'officially', like having an online dating profile, was about 8 months ago. Don't miss it. If I do, I'll try again. I'd say do what you feel like. If you're 'blah' about dating now, you'll be a 'blah' date anyway. No need to be bored with some guy who otherwise might have interest. My last experiences, even though not fruitful, were positive because I enjoyed dating and socializing. If I hadn't, they would have reflected that perspective. Best wishes in whatever decision you make
Titania22 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 There's nothing wrong with that. I have met women, including my best friend, who have given up the desire for a relationship/sex long term. It doesn't matter. If one day a guy turns up that is right for you, your thoughts and feelings on the subject will change in the blink of an eye. That may or may not turn into something. The point is, if you are happy with how you are living your life, it doesn't matter whether you are in a relationship. It also doesn't matter if you ever have sex. All that matters is that you live your life in a way that is authentic to you.
paleblue Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 im thinking about joining you in taking a break from the dating. im burnt from it too.
Surrealist Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I burned out from dating before I even started.
northern_sky Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I'm going against the grain in encouraging you to stop being apathetic and start pushing. It's trite but true that you only have one life to live. Don't waste it in a comfortable slumber, at least when it comes to the romantic aspect. Instead change your expectations, so dating doesn't drain you as much. Minimize its importance on the side, but keep it going on the side. It's unlikely that you'll find someone by waiting around. Is this something you can do?
welikeincrowds Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I'm going against the grain in encouraging you to stop being apathetic and start pushing. It's trite but true that you only have one life to live. Don't waste it in a comfortable slumber, at least when it comes to the romantic aspect. Instead change your expectations, so dating doesn't drain you as much. Minimize its importance on the side, but keep it going on the side. It's unlikely that you'll find someone by waiting around. Is this something you can do? Agreed. Pick yourself up and push through the spines.
musemaj111 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 If you can be alone and happy, then you are lucky.
Surrealist Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Agreed. Pick yourself up and push through the spines. Interesting, I had a bit of a read of that today. I think where there are people who pull you down, or use, then yes, those spikes are not worth the friendship or intimacy. I think there is some merit to the theory though.
pureinheart Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 In September, I got off the dating train and decided to be celibate for the rest of the year. Online dating took it's toll on me and I was very depressed. I was burnt out. In the past 4 months, I've been content with not dating and enjoyed the freedom of not "looking." Anyway, it's January and I still have zero desire to date. My libido is a little on the low side, but that might be a protective mechanism from being lonely and frustrated. I feel like I want to retire from dating forever. What I'd really like to do is not date anymore. I'd like to just go about my life and if I encounter a guy, then see what happens. But I never meet dates that way. I suspect that I have completely given up on meeting an SO. It's been so long that I've had a boyfriend (6 1/2 years) that I can't remember what being in a relationship is like. I'm concerned that I have closed my heart off and that I will never experience that wonderful being "in love" feeling again. Any words of wisdom or encouragement? Should I get back on the dating horse or give myself more time not dating? Thanks. Myself, I just 'let it happen' once in awhile with someone I otherwise find attractive just to make sure the parts are still working.... And no, I don't mean the sexual parts, rather the love and intimacy parts. Recent experiments show that indeed the parts still work, so I'm OK with continued celibacy. Relationships aren't the be-all and end-all of living. Been in enough disastrous ones to realize that now.. Last time I dated 'officially', like having an online dating profile, was about 8 months ago. Don't miss it. If I do, I'll try again. I'd say do what you feel like. If you're 'blah' about dating now, you'll be a 'blah' date anyway. No need to be bored with some guy who otherwise might have interest. My last experiences, even though not fruitful, were positive because I enjoyed dating and socializing. If I hadn't, they would have reflected that perspective. Best wishes in whatever decision you make I hate dating...ya know what...celibacy is very healthy:), there are no diseases in it. Dating stresses me the hell out, it almost feels like planned marriages or something, or like I am on the market to be sold. I really go by Carhills method (bold)...but they have to get in my face because I really don't look and rarely ever have. I might pick up on certain flirtation and get a clue, but most of the time have my mind filled and need a brick to be thrown at me, or have it spelled out...I don't think about or expect to get hit on.... Screw it, I'll be alone with my kids and grandkids if I have to... Now the online thing might not be too bad because like if you've been on a site for a considerable amount of time then you get to know people first... The thought of telling my whole life story again is not appealing at all, and I am getting older which means there is more to tell...uhg or is that ugh...well you guys know what I mean. Good luck Cee in your quest!
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