DanY2J Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 My married women has left tonight with her husband to go to Tailand for 10 days. Any tips for coping with the situation? Or anyone who has been in this situation? We have been seeing each other for 9 months. Cheers guys.
hopesndreams Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 They are going to have a blast! They will re-connect again on a deep emotional level for the next 10 days. When the trip is over, she will revert back to her old ways and give you a call. Her H will be none the wiser, for now.
half_ofa_heart Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 My married women has left tonight with her husband to go to Tailand for 10 days. Any tips for coping with the situation? Or anyone who has been in this situation? We have been seeing each other for 9 months. Cheers guys. That was always the hardest for me. My MM would always try and sneak away to get a phone call in to me but I would imagine that's going to be tough from Tailand. This is when deciding whether or not you can handle being in an A comes to play. Every time they went on vacation, I would go stark raving mad and break it off with him when he got back just because I drove myself insane with thoughts of them together knowing full well, that would NEVER be us. It wasn't enough for me and only you can decide whether it is enough for you. Good Luck
woinlove Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 My married women has left tonight with her husband to go to Tailand for 10 days. Any tips for coping with the situation? Or anyone who has been in this situation? We have been seeing each other for 9 months. Cheers guys. If this bothers you, maybe you don't want to be the OM.
JsSweetPea Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 My married women has left tonight with her husband to go to Tailand for 10 days. Any tips for coping with the situation? Or anyone who has been in this situation? We have been seeing each other for 9 months. Cheers guys. Aww, that's rough! I haven't had to go through that with my MM, but last summer his parents came over from England for a nine day visit & it was rough. They always had something fun planned & he was with his wife & kiddos all day every day. That was early on in our A & I didn't know what to do with myself. I tried to stay as busy as possible with friends & stuff around the house. I also crocheted quite a bit & read a lot. Lol... Exciting, I know! In my situation the worst thing possible for me was staying at home alone all the time. I always had to be somewhere or doing something. Good luck... hopefully it will go by fast. And don't sit around thinking about her having fun with her Mr. Try to go out & have some of your own!
siuys Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 He is as we speak on a family holiday. I feel nothing now. Few months back I was thinking oh no, it's going to really hurt... what are they going to do... where is he going to sleep (mind you, MM was separated and then moved back and then said he's moving out again - yawn). So now funnily enough I don't feel much. It's because I now know what I want – him completely or nothing. No more playing OW thus no more thoughts of such nature. It's a choice you do have...
calliope Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I told my MM I wouldn't be OW longer than 1yr. At 1yr mark w/no change, I ended it. Coincidentally it was the night before he was going on a 2wk trip to Greece that was planned before we got together. I didn't do it to ruin his trip, he knew the date and where I stood. That night he texted me that he was really screwed up, having a hard time, etc. He told me he loved me - first time he said it. The next day he was on the plane and off with her.... I was a mess. He was only gone 3 days & sent me an IM when I was online. We IMed for an hour. That happened a couple more times. Over the 2 wks he was away, we spent almost 7 hours IMing each other. The day he got back from his trip he was on my doorstep, saying he had to make changes to be able to move forward with me. On his trip he realized it was me he wanted, not her. That was 5 mos ago and through ups & downs, we're not together now...his choice. All I'm saying is, just because they're on a trip it doesn't mean anything. Don't dwell on it and obsess about what they're doing. If 2 people are unhappy, they'll be unhappy no matter where they go....
2themoon&back Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 My married women has left tonight with her husband to go to Tailand for 10 days. Any tips for coping with the situation? Or anyone who has been in this situation? We have been seeing each other for 9 months. Cheers guys. This is tuff and you will have to be as well ... I went through this more than once since my xA was long term and the best thing is knowing your place, meaning you got into this knowing that she was M, and you chose to be the OM, so best to just not to think about it at all and look forward to her return. About them reuniting and having a wonderful time... they may and that is the chance you take in this kind of R, but IF that even happens or not it is none of your business so do not put those kinds of thoughts in your head or let anyone else plant those seeds. Do not worry about it and like was said she will be right back to you, when she returns. I guess reuniting only last 10 days. I don't know. Also keep living YOUR life, if you have made "her" your life take this time to change that and get yourself a life outside of your A, then you will have other things to do and think about while she is gone. Best of Luck...
SoMovinOn Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Don't know about coping. My mOW goes on vacation with her spouse. Her and I don't get to see each other all that much, so it doesn't change much for us. Her relationship with her spouse seems to stay the same no matter where they are. The only difference is we don't get to talk to each other at all during that time. It's different. I miss it. ... but, I have plenty to keep me busy otherwise, so, I just cruise through the days and write her emails at night.
pureinheart Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 My married women has left tonight with her husband to go to Tailand for 10 days. Any tips for coping with the situation? Or anyone who has been in this situation? We have been seeing each other for 9 months. Cheers guys. Welcome to LS:)...my coping skills weren't that great...story: ExDM comes over (then he was MM)...he was acting funny and it was surprise visit...so I'm thinking that he is going to tell me something really profound...like he can't live without me, something like that...then he tells me he's going on vacation with his "family".. I freaked out and told him to get the F out of my life and if he ever tried to contact me again I'd tell his W (I wouldn't have mostlikely, but I was pissed)... I think he tried to call my cell when he got back (don't remember)...but everyone at work wanted to see us together, so I got set up by a co-worker and as soon as I heard his voice I knew I'd cave in (and did). Man, just thinking about that pisses me off and makes me glad I don't deal with him anymore. Sooooo, I do understand what you are going through. Unless you are ok with being the OM, then I'd say roll. ((((hugs))))
seren Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 It has always puzzled me why them going on holiday causes far more anguish than them living everday lives. Is it that them living together seems an inevitability, but the holiday is a conscious decision? I don't understand as I would have thought that the everyday living together is a conscious decision too and far more intimate than a holiday. I would be hurt, were I OP if my AP went on holiday as it involves planning, decisions about where etc and is an escape from the humdrum of everyday life, so I do understand that this would be a painful time. What I don't get , is why two weeks away is any different from the day to day intimacies that a couple have. Were I an OP, I don't think I could do the sharing, I could understand waiting while someone was legally separated or divorced, but not knowingly sharing someone. For the OP, I would suggest not thinking about it (yeah right) and trying to keep busy. I would also be asking myself how many holidays and days out I would be prepared to watch the AP having with their spouse.
East7 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 My married women has left tonight with her husband to go to Tailand for 10 days. Any tips for coping with the situation? Or anyone who has been in this situation? We have been seeing each other for 9 months. Cheers guys. I have been there too, but MW kept emailing me everyday back and forth, there is Internet everywhere in the world now. Actions speak loud, if she really "loves" you she will find a way to stay in touch. Anyway, it is part of the A package and some humiliation you'll have to endure. If you are OK with it, it is your choice but in the long run you will find it less acceptable. It has always puzzled me why them going on holiday causes far more anguish than them living everyday lives. Is it that them living together seems an inevitability, but the holiday is a conscious decision? I don't understand as I would have thought that the everyday living together is a conscious decision too and far more intimate than a holiday. I would be hurt, were I OP if my AP went on holiday as it involves planning, decisions about where etc and is an escape from the humdrum of everyday life, so I do understand that this would be a painful time. What I don't get , is why two weeks away is any different from the day to day intimacies that a couple have. Were I an OP, I don't think I could do the sharing, I could understand waiting while someone was legally separated or divorced, but not knowingly sharing someone. For the OP, I would suggest not thinking about it (yeah right) and trying to keep busy. I would also be asking myself how many holidays and days out I would be prepared to watch the AP having with their spouse. Interesting point Seren. That's right, a holiday escape is different because it is planned and agreed by both spouses which indicates to OP that they still have a "normal marital life" and are willing to do things together while everyday living is "accepted" like something impossible to avoid. As I said above to OP, it is part of the "package" and the humiliation, I hope at some point he will stop doing this to himself, no one deserves a second-class relationship.
Billy_Boy Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 My married women has left tonight with her husband to go to Tailand for 10 days. Any tips for coping with the situation? Or anyone who has been in this situation? We have been seeing each other for 9 months. Cheers guys. Find a single one. /thread.
Author DanY2J Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 [sIZE=2]I guess my feelings are quite conflicted at the moment. One half of me wants her and I to be together properly, for her to leave him (there are no kids involved) and for us to be together. I am under no illusion that that would be easy for her to do as she has been with him 8 years (married for 4) - I get that. The other part of me wonders if I would ever be able to trust her properly, knowing how many lies she tells to the person she sees day in and day out and pretends to act normally around. I guess I just feel that them going on holiday means more than just everyday life. It is a decision on her part to go and spend 24/7 with him. The atmosphere is always different on holiday to day to day life. You have no stress. I am not worried that she will come back and say to me that this is over or anything like that, I just ultimately want her to be happy and if that’s what she decides to do then so be it. She left last night and since then she has called me just before boarding the plane, text me twice, emailed twice and sent me a facebook message saying to check this as she will be sending me messages while she is away. I was tempted to say to her that I don’t want her to contact me while she is away as I feel that she has made the choice to go away with him so therefore she should just forget about me for that period. I just think that if I was in love with someone, I would not be going to the other side of the world with someone else and I cant help but feel that she is being selfish and I don’t like thinking that of her but I think it is true. I just feel like whenever she says she misses me or that she loves me that I am being stupid for believing it. Rambling a little but glad to get this off my chest. Cheers guys. [/sIZE]
whichwayisup Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I just think that if I was in love with someone, I would not be going to the other side of the world with someone else and I cant help but feel that she is being selfish and I don’t like thinking that of her but I think it is true. I just feel like whenever she says she misses me or that she loves me that I am being stupid for believing it. Of course she's being selfish! She's married and having an affair with you! It's not like she can or would say to her husband, 'honey I can't go away on holidays with you because i love my OM and it'll hurt his feelings...' This is just part of the affair dynamic, she is living her life with her husband. Something you either accept and deal with, or end it so you can find a single woman who can share every aspect of her life with you, not just stolen moments.
pureinheart Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 It has always puzzled me why them going on holiday causes far more anguish than them living everday lives. Is it that them living together seems an inevitability, but the holiday is a conscious decision? I don't understand as I would have thought that the everyday living together is a conscious decision too and far more intimate than a holiday. I would be hurt, were I OP if my AP went on holiday as it involves planning, decisions about where etc and is an escape from the humdrum of everyday life, so I do understand that this would be a painful time. What I don't get , is why two weeks away is any different from the day to day intimacies that a couple have. Were I an OP, I don't think I could do the sharing, I could understand waiting while someone was legally separated or divorced, but not knowingly sharing someone. For the OP, I would suggest not thinking about it (yeah right) and trying to keep busy. I would also be asking myself how many holidays and days out I would be prepared to watch the AP having with their spouse. What was upsetting to me was is the constant confusion exDM had me in, granted I allowed it, although it was still cruel because he knew EXACTLY what he was doing. The confusion consisted going back and forth all of the time, later I found out that there wasn't much love lost between him and his W, although he wanted me to "believe" there was more so that he would always have an excuse not to commit. Mine does sound like a strange case, doesn't it...actually trying to communicate this the way it went down was confusing. Well basically he dangled carrots in my face...bottom line. In my case, he knew what the outcome needed to be in order for me to stay, and he played it well. The "vacation" was inconsistant with our situation and lead me closer to NC, it wasn't long after that that I went NC.
East7 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 [sIZE=2] I just think that if I was in love with someone, I would not be going to the other side of the world with someone else and I cant help but feel that she is being selfish and I don’t like thinking that of her but I think it is true. I just feel like whenever she says she misses me or that she loves me that I am being stupid for believing it. Rambling a little but glad to get this off my chest. Cheers guys. [/sIZE] Of course she is selfish ! If she has no kids, nothing keeps her from leaving her H, all she lacks is motivation. She keeps you as a side-dish for when she gets bored with the 8 yrs hubby, it is typical. The fact is that she not only hasn't moved an inch since she met you, but after 9 months of luxury to have 2 men she is going to holidays with hubby, it means only one thing mate, she has no intention to leave him and be with you ! It sounds that you love her more than she "loves" you, so either fix a deadline to no more waiting or walk away NOW, take the holiday as an excuse to end it (even you don't need any excuse).
blizzard Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 My xMM when on a trip with his wife...my freaked out reply to him was "people that are divorcing don't go on vacations together!!!" Of course his excuses were, "it's not like it's romantic, so and so is going too..but I've always wanted to go there, that's why I am going!...she booked tickets last winter, I have to go now or she will lose money." And of course, he sneaked around iming me and sending me messages every chance he got to tell me how utterly miserable he was and he missed me...yeah, right. Ridiculous.
Heather1 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 IDK, when I go away w/ my H all I think about is xOM. I don't know if that was ever reciprocated, but I know that from my end.
carrie999 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 My married women has left tonight with her husband to go to Tailand for 10 days. Any tips for coping with the situation? Or anyone who has been in this situation? We have been seeing each other for 9 months. Cheers guys. I know that feeling, exactly. We first got together last May, but really started the full-fledged A last August, a week before his first (in nearly a decade of marriage) vacation with his wife. All he said all week was that he wanted this and planned this for so long, and now all he'd think about was me. They never go online, except at work, so that wouldn't work. He texted me every day, and called me when he could. Fast-forward to now...he just told me yesterday that his in-laws have invited them on vacation this summer, and that he basically can't refuse. In this case, I actually feel a little sorry for him...they're all staying under one roof, and his in-laws constantly bicker and aren't the most pleasant people. For him, this won't be relaxing. Though I'll miss him like crazy (as I did over Christmas weekend this year), this is easier to deal with than a planned vacation for just THEM. While you know they sleep together every night and are physically intimate, there is a deeper emotional intimacy that comes with planning a romantic getaway, wherever that is. Unfortunately, intimate or not, we have no choice but to either deal with the fact that their relationship is intact (so far), or to leave. I'm sorry...
JsSweetPea Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I know that feeling, exactly. We first got together last May, but really started the full-fledged A last August, a week before his first (in nearly a decade of marriage) vacation with his wife. All he said all week was that he wanted this and planned this for so long, and now all he'd think about was me. They never go online, except at work, so that wouldn't work. He texted me every day, and called me when he could. Fast-forward to now...he just told me yesterday that his in-laws have invited them on vacation this summer, and that he basically can't refuse. In this case, I actually feel a little sorry for him...they're all staying under one roof, and his in-laws constantly bicker and aren't the most pleasant people. For him, this won't be relaxing. Though I'll miss him like crazy (as I did over Christmas weekend this year), this is easier to deal with than a planned vacation for just THEM. While you know they sleep together every night and are physically intimate, there is a deeper emotional intimacy that comes with planning a romantic getaway, wherever that is. Unfortunately, intimate or not, we have no choice but to either deal with the fact that their relationship is intact (so far), or to leave. I'm sorry... Aww, I feel the same way when my MM's parents come to visit. He's stuck at home with everyone under the same roof & his parents do NOT like the wifey. It makes for a very stressful week for him. He set a date to leave - June 1st, and then about a month ago they were Skype-ing with his parents and right in front of the wifey his Mum said, "Oh! We bought tickets to come & visit in late June." That day we were just talking about how he needed to tell his parents to wait until later this year to visit because he's leaving & THAT flippin' day they mention it. Now we've decided it's best if he waits until after their visit to leave. Their visits are stressful already & I know he's going to be a nervous wreck the whole time because he's planning on telling them what's going on & leaving the day after they go back home. He was going to tell them not to come, but that would just open a big ole can of worms that we don't want opened yet.
dont-be-naive Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 My married women has left tonight with her husband to go to Tailand for 10 days. Any tips for coping with the situation? nothing you can do, he is her husband. maybe its time to get a new woman, a good woman, one that doesn't cheat. unless you don't care that she is a cheater.
greengoddess Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Aww, I feel the same way when my MM's parents come to visit. He's stuck at home with everyone under the same roof & his parents do NOT like the wifey. It makes for a very stressful week for him. He set a date to leave - June 1st, and then about a month ago they were Skype-ing with his parents and right in front of the wifey his Mum said, "Oh! We bought tickets to come & visit in late June." That day we were just talking about how he needed to tell his parents to wait until later this year to visit because he's leaving & THAT flippin' day they mention it. Now we've decided it's best if he waits until after their visit to leave. Their visits are stressful already & I know he's going to be a nervous wreck the whole time because he's planning on telling them what's going on & leaving the day after they go back home. He was going to tell them not to come, but that would just open a big ole can of worms that we don't want opened yet. omg don't you see, something will always change the date somthing will always come up...
JsSweetPea Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 (edited) omg don't you see, something will always change the date somthing will always come up... As I didn't start this thread asking for advice all I'll say is that each A is different & all men in an A aren't serial liars & cheaters. Until my MM does something that makes me not trust him or his intentions I choose to believe the man I love & be hopeful things will work out. Edited January 14, 2011 by JsSweetPea
phillyfan Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 My married women has left tonight with her husband to go to Tailand for 10 days. Any tips for coping with the situation? Or anyone who has been in this situation? We have been seeing each other for 9 months. Cheers guys. Tips? Dude my tip is to STOP BEIN PU**Y WHIPPED lol. Youre p-whipped already and ur not even married to her. Tip of the year - dont be with a woman that is bangin anotha guy on a regular basis. That goes for ladies too and theyre men.
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