HURT2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 My head is in such a mess. About 7 months ago I found out my boyfriend of 10 years had cheated on me. With a kiss, love bites and text messages. I know its wrong but I found out by looking at his fone he has a password on. and still does.I was and still am devastated and it ruined everything. I know this is deep, but it has deeply affected me and I cannot believe anything he says anymore. I think about it constantly and bring it up alot. It's not my fault but I can't forgive him. And to be honest I know I never will. I made him promise me he would never go to the club where he cheated on me and I found out he went there the other night. Am I being unreasonable ? I cant stop crying. I also know he has been sending messages to girls and adding new girls he has met on facebook. He says that it's innocent and is being nasty to me saying I'm obsessed. But he keeps lying and then I find out. Also since he cheated on me 7 months ago I am now pregnant and we live together. You may think I'm stupid but we wasnt going to split up and I wanted to get on with my life. But I am finding it so difficult. All this is so hard for me because before 7 months ago there was none of this. Despite all this we are happy and get along but to me he is a compulsive liar and I will never trust him again even though I want to. What should I do.
saddad1 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Did you confront him about going to the club? You also need to let him know that you only expect to see 'real' friends on his facebook and not to use it as a pickup tool. Facebook destroys so many relationships nowadays, people just get tempted to make contact/flirt with the opposite sex. You have drawn boundaries and he has crossed them and he doesn't care that you know. This means he will continue to cross them as he hasn't suffered anything by crossing them before. I feel for you, especially with the child which makes walking away a lot more difficult.
TaraMaiden Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 <*Big snip*>What should I do. L-E-A-V-E. The fact that you have a child together is actually of no consequence. he will have to man up, grow some balls and take responsibility for that, and be compelled to do so legally. Which he might not so, while he is with you.... But you remaining in this relationship and putting up with all his cr*p is merely toxic and makes you a worthless doormat in his eyes. He won't change for you because he has zero respect for you and doesn't love you. You don't trust him. There is nothing remotely positive about this relationship, so really, your only option is to leave. or do you see yourself still putting up with this for years to come?
Analeigh Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Yes, I do think that continuing your relationship and then getting pregnant was stupid. Leave him and either give the baby up for adoption or sue him for child support. This will only get worse before it gets better.
Author HURT2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 He doesnt care that I found out he went there. I bet hes been going there when he goes out. He can so easily lie to me. Hes mad I found out because he cant be bothered with the earache. Hes not bothered one bit how upset I am. He said I wanted another drink before going home and that he went for an hour. I never thought this would happen to me , I used to trust him 100% - this is why I'm finding it so difficult. I'm driving myself mad. Sometimes I think i'm being paranoid and he says I'm going on at him but I'm right he cant be trusted. Why has he had to do this thats what I cant get my head round? Hes ruining our relationship for meaningless messages and flirting .. i dont get it.
TaraMaiden Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Oh stop, just stop. Is this for real? Stop trying to understand, There's nothing to understand. Nothing at all you need concern yourself about. THERE IS NO RELATIONSHIP!!! All you need to do, is to get out, and fast, have your baby and throw the book at him. That's all you need to do.
Author HURT2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 I know your right he is a loser. Would you believe the situation I'm in now he's making out as if he is annoyed with me and saying he dont wna be with me alling me names. he's manipulative im questioning myself thinking is this my fault? i know its not. Hes just said now he wishes he wasnt having this baby with me , the biggest mistake hes made he says. my poor baby i cant believe its dad is saying that. what a useless mother I am having him as the father
carhill Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 IMO, take legal steps to ensure the safety and security of your unborn child, then decide how and what to do about your relationship. The priority is your health and the health of your baby. What's going on right now is very stressful and this can affect your pregnancy. There are LS'ers who live in the UK and whom are familiar with UK law and resources who hopefully will direct you. Perhaps right now would be a good time for him to live with one of his male friends for awhile. I don't believe he suddenly became a compulsive liar seven months ago. How far along are you in your pregnancy?
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