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What is the longest it has taken you to get over an ex? And why?

suddendumpee

By suddendumpee
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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suddendumpee Established Member

suddendumpee

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I'll start:

 

My very first love (duh). I was 21 and she was 19. Young I know, but it felt as real as my recent love. This was the first girl I exchanged "I love you's" with, and she used to ball her eyes out when I left. I moved away to college and she planned to join me and get an apartment with me when she graduated HS. She was accepted to my college and we began looking at apartments. I was sure my life was panning out as God planned.

 

Suddenly she gets distant, and the sex stops abruptly. She blames it on birth control complications. She says her sex drive is gone, and cries about it regularly. I stay with her. 4 months later she ends the relationship (4 months before moving in with me). Within 2 months she is dating a college guy who was a student teacher at her HS. I tell myself it's just a rebound. She'll be back. It was too perfect yadda yadda.

 

I know he is moving to Boston in 4 months, so surely this won't work. She moves to Boston with him. haha. She get's her Masters Degree, and they have been happily married now for 12 years and have 3 children.

 

I thought about this girl off and on for a good 5 years after the breakup. It definitely effected my next relationship. I was always making comparisons. Not as good in bed, not quite as attractive, not as open in expressing feelings/emotion. The bar had simply been set too high. Dreams that we were back together persisted for years, and I would wake up and feel cold toward my new g/f for 3-4 hours after I woke up. Even 5 years after the breakup, when my current r/l was struggling, I reached out to this ex to feel out her situation, but got no response. We are FB friends now, and I am happy for her. I no longer miss her or long for the past, but I do wish I were in her husband's shoes. Settled down with a family, instead of still being in this BS dating scene.

 

I wish I knew what made me get over her. I can't remember a single event that triggered the move forward. The dreams just stopped, and I stopped thinking about her. I do fear that this latest breakup may be worse. My last ex trumps my first love in all categories. I fear the bar has been raised too high again, and I don't have 5 years to get over this one if I plan to have a family one day. This is my biggest fear.

 

What are your stories?

GreenPolicy Established Member

GreenPolicy

Posted
Posted
I'll start:

 

My very first love (duh). I was 21 and she was 19. Young I know, but it felt as real as my recent love. This was the first girl I exchanged "I love you's" with, and she used to ball her eyes out when I left. I moved away to college and she planned to join me and get an apartment with me when she graduated HS. She was accepted to my college and we began looking at apartments. I was sure my life was panning out as God planned.

 

Suddenly she gets distant, and the sex stops abruptly. She blames it on birth control complications. She says her sex drive is gone, and cries about it regularly. I stay with her. 4 months later she ends the relationship (4 months before moving in with me). Within 2 months she is dating a college guy who was a student teacher at her HS. I tell myself it's just a rebound. She'll be back. It was too perfect yadda yadda.

 

I know he is moving to Boston in 4 months, so surely this won't work. She moves to Boston with him. haha. She get's her Masters Degree, and they have been happily married now for 12 years and have 3 children.

 

I thought about this girl off and on for a good 5 years after the breakup. It definitely effected my next relationship. I was always making comparisons. Not as good in bed, not quite as attractive, not as open in expressing feelings/emotion. The bar had simply been set too high. Dreams that we were back together persisted for years, and I would wake up and feel cold toward my new g/f for 3-4 hours after I woke up. Even 5 years after the breakup, when my current r/l was struggling, I reached out to this ex to feel out her situation, but got no response. We are FB friends now, and I am happy for her. I no longer miss her or long for the past, but I do wish I were in her husband's shoes. Settled down with a family, instead of still being in this BS dating scene.

 

I wish I knew what made me get over her. I can't remember a single event that triggered the move forward. The dreams just stopped, and I stopped thinking about her. I do fear that this latest breakup may be worse. My last ex trumps my first love in all categories. I fear the bar has been raised too high again, and I don't have 5 years to get over this one if I plan to have a family one day. This is my biggest fear.

 

What are your stories?

 

I think it just takes time, distance and separation. Also what you do with your time. Are you in counseling? I am, and I think it has helped some.

 

I don't think we ever truly "get over" somebody. Anytime you've been affected by something so intensely, you will take it with you for the rest of your life. It molds and shapes you. You just want to make sure that you don't carry that emotional baggage with you and prevent you from living your life to the fullest in the present. That's the hard part. I know I am not "over" her in the sense that I am still in deep pain over what happened. But I think what does happen in time is that you learn to live with it, you do learn to accept it, and you search out other opportunities that life has to offer. I am worried that my next r/l won't be as good, but I think that people do tend to upgrade over time. I thought the r/l I had with my ex-ex was good, but the one with my most recent ex blew that out of the water.

 

No two people are alike or will make you feel the same.

0hpenelope Established Member

0hpenelope

Posted
Posted

1 1/2 years after I initiated NC. I initiated NC after I joined LS! :)

Sunkissedkate Member

Sunkissedkate

Posted
Posted

Its hard to get over someone. My ex and I were together for 3.5 years, we were inseperable, did everything together, absolutely best friends. We were engaged at 20, and then sat down one night and both of us were like what are we doing?? we arent the same people we were when we started this relationship, and so things ended. its been over a year and i am with someone else, but my ex and i still talk everyday, we are still very involved with each others lives, and the sexual attraction is very much still there, and its easier when he is away working but when he is home its almost like its hard to keep my hands to myself. I love my bf very much and have accepted every aspect of his life, including his bitch of an ex wife and his beautiful two children. and he has accepted that my ex and i are still best friends and that we discuss almost anything, and yes the attraction is still there; but its not something we act on.

so yeah moving on is very hard, I will always love my ex, and part of me feels that he is my soulmate, but i think that is also bc we know each other so well and are so comfortable with each other. but i am hoping oneday that my current bf and i will be that comfortable with each other and be able to have the kind of relationship my ex and i had.

timchambo Established Member

timchambo

Posted
Posted
Its hard to get over someone. My ex and I were together for 3.5 years, we were inseperable, did everything together, absolutely best friends. We were engaged at 20, and then sat down one night and both of us were like what are we doing?? we arent the same people we were when we started this relationship, and so things ended. its been over a year and i am with someone else, but my ex and i still talk everyday, we are still very involved with each others lives, and the sexual attraction is very much still there, and its easier when he is away working but when he is home its almost like its hard to keep my hands to myself. I love my bf very much and have accepted every aspect of his life, including his bitch of an ex wife and his beautiful two children. and he has accepted that my ex and i are still best friends and that we discuss almost anything, and yes the attraction is still there; but its not something we act on.

so yeah moving on is very hard, I will always love my ex, and part of me feels that he is my soulmate, but i think that is also bc we know each other so well and are so comfortable with each other. but i am hoping oneday that my current bf and i will be that comfortable with each other and be able to have the kind of relationship my ex and i had.

 

what is this "we are two different people stuff"? I hate the thought of dating someone with my exact personality. Did you have different goals?

Sunkissedkate Member

Sunkissedkate

Posted
Posted

Very different, we started dating at 17, between 17 and 21 your ideas and life goals change. and ours changed and went opposite directions

0hpenelope Established Member

0hpenelope

Posted
Posted
1 1/2 years after I initiated NC. I initiated NC after I joined LS! :)

 

I forgot to add the "why." It's because I kept dwelling on the past, how much he hurt me, that he might come back, and I will never be open to other guys again.

 

I was so wrong. My experience with my recent ex taught me that if I limited myself again to what's not with me anymore, good guys will pass me by. I'm not actively looking or searching (never was - they all came to me, but they all left too :laugh:), but I will not limit myself anymore like I did back then. If there's someone interested in me and I am interested in him, I will give it a shot.

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