gf flirting and giving out her number to a guy on facebook

[saddad1]

I'm sure this is a common enough thread on here. I have been with my gf for 3.5 years and was hoping to propose this year. However, I had a concern with regards what she is up to online so I got into her email and fb accounts.

 

This guy had been poking her everyday for weeks on fb and I seen a few flirty messages between them. This guy isn't a friend or anyone she knows as she was asking him whereabouts he was from etc.

 

He asked for her number 'as it would be handier' and she said 'I can't do that I have a bf '. He replied 'sure your allowed mates'. He didn't even ask her for the number again but she replied saying 'here is my number XXXX it'll be handier'.

 

I am devastated that she couldn't wait to give this guy her number

 

To me, flirting online isn't too bad as long as it doesn't go any further but as soon as a number is given out then it signals an intention to meet.

 

I haven't yet confronted her as I am out of the country on business for a few weeks and I would have liked to do this face to face.

 

I took screenshots of the messages - should I confront her over the phone or wait and monitor email/facebook some more? The poking on facebook seems to have stopped now he has her number

[Chi townD]

Not good. Flirting is one thing, but to give this guy her number is a little more personal. How long has he had her number for?

[saddad1]

He has had her number for about a week now - the messages and poking have stopped on facebook since he got her number.

 

She would be on facebook all day at work but she has been on holiday the last week. I think that the poking was him trying to get her attention while she was at work so they could chat online.

 

She has even deleted the message threads to this guy to try and cover her tracks (other messages to real friends and family etc have not been deleted) but I was able to get them via the 'see this thread' links when facebook sends you an email to confirm a message.

 

She doesn't know that I know yet. She goes back to work tomorrow so I could monitor email/facebook then to see if anything else appears but I doubt it. Why fb/email when they have each others phone number?

Edited January 12, 2011 by saddad1

[Sunkissedkate]

There are some major red flags going up... the only time i give my number to someone on fb is when i am single and have the intent to meet up with them for coffee or something to get to know them better.

 

Have you guys been fighting or anything?? would she be trying to get an outsiders opinion?? I know that I have done that with people i have on my fb that im friends with but dont necessarily talk to often. BC some times an outsiders opinion really helps.

 

I really hope things work out for you, I really dont think that she would throw away a 3.5 year relationship over someone she doesnt even know.

[Allisha]

I really hope things work out for you, I really dont think that she would throw away a 3.5 year relationship over someone she doesnt even know.

 

 

Are you being serious? This is just another way in which affairs can start.

[saddad1]

Theres no way that she is talking to this guy about our relationship. They were flirting over each other tattooes etc. There is also another message that either indicates that they have met for sex or done something cyber in msn.

 

We haven't been fighting - she has been txting me everyday from her holidays sayin how much she loves me and will miss me as I don't get back from business for another 2 weeks.

 

Is it too much of a coincidence that she handed out her number just before I head off on business? I never go off on business and there have been very few weekends over the last 3.5 years that we have been apart

[Sunkissedkate]

If your really that worried about it, then deal with it, Call her and say hey can you explain this to me and help me figure out what is going on. bc that is the only way that your going to know what is actually going on. unless she has the odasity to lie to you, and if she does then there needs to be some serious reevaluating

[donnamaybe]

I'm sorry, but there's no mistaking her intentions here. Just the fact that she is trying to cover her tracks tells you everything you need to know.

[saddad1]

Thanks folks.

 

I haven't been able to confront her yet as I found out the day before she left for a holiday with her child and I didn't want to ruin the childs holiday. I wasn't sure if I should wait for an extra few days to see if anything else pops up in her mails when she starts back to work but I think I'm just going to phone her and have this out ASAP.

[donnamaybe]

That was sweet of you to put her child's needs before your own.

 

Before you call her, is there any way you can look at her phone records online to verify who she has been on her phone with and for how long? She will lie, lie, lie. Protect yourself. Protect your heart.

 

I'm sorry this is happening.

[carhill]

Backstory

 

OP, are you seeing any patterns? Relationships are great teachers. My sympathies...

[saddad1]

Backstory

 

OP, are you seeing any patterns? Relationships are great teachers. My sympathies...

 

Carhill, this is a new girlfriend - not my ex who I have the kids with.

 

No patterns friend, my ex with the kids didn't cheat on me and didn't flirt online with other guys.

[saddad1]

That was sweet of you to put her child's needs before your own.

 

Before you call her, is there any way you can look at her phone records online to verify who she has been on her phone with and for how long? She will lie, lie, lie. Protect yourself. Protect your heart.

 

I'm sorry this is happening.

 

I know she is going to lie. But I have enough evidence via screenshots. I wonder how far she will take the lies when I confront her?

 

I may be able to check her phone records but I won't know which number is this guys unless I actually took her phone from her. I wont be able to get hold of her phone until I get back from business - I think I'll be crazy by then thinking about this!

[carhill]

This is the girlfriend whom you got with while getting over your ex and whom you apparently weren't in love with. At least, looking at the dates, it matches up. Any insight?

 

I meet someone else about 6 months ago, initially I thought it might make my ex jealous but it didnt. This girl is really hot and shes a great person also, I love her as a person but Im not in love with her; certainly not how I felt about my ex. I actually split with my new gf twice to give my ex another chance to accept me back but she didnt. I decided b4 Xmas that I couldnt chase my ex anymore and I'd jst have to get on wit my life.

[donnamaybe]

I know she is going to lie. But I have enough evidence via screenshots. I wonder how far she will take the lies when I confront her?

 

I may be able to check her phone records but I won't know which number is this guys unless I actually took her phone from her. I wont be able to get hold of her phone until I get back from business - I think I'll be crazy by then thinking about this!

Google "reverse phone lookup" and you'll find lots of ways to check. It doesn't always find cell phones, but if she is always receiving and making calls from and to the same number, it's probably him.

[saddad1]

Google "reverse phone lookup" and you'll find lots of ways to check. It doesn't always find cell phones, but if she is always receiving and making calls from and to the same number, it's probably him.

 

I don't think that reverse phone lookup works in the UK.

[saddad1]

This is the girlfriend whom you got with while getting over your ex and whom you apparently weren't in love with. At least, looking at the dates, it matches up. Any insight?

 

Yes Carhill, its the same girl. I am totally over my ex now and I fell for my gf big time gradually as I was getting over my ex.

 

My ex actually wanted to get back with me after about 2 years but I stayed with my current gf. The love I had for my ex died over time. A friend said that love needs attention or it just withers and dies and thats what happened with my ex. I might put the story up in more detail if I get some time.

[carhill]

Thanks. Your current girlfriend has a memory like a steel trap. Also, the typical honeymoon period (since you're not married yet) has likely run its course.

 

How does your GF feel about marriage and family? Does that match up with your perspective?

 

 

Yes, I'm aware this is off the subject of tripping up her apparent or suspected cheating. Relationships have multiple aspects to them and both partners share mutual responsibility for the totality of those aspects. What do you want to achieve here? The commonality in both your related relationships is you. This is a great opportunity to learn.

 

Let's say all the great detective advice offered here works and you get undeniable evidence of her cheating and confront her with it. What next?

[saddad1]

Its a little bit more complicated - as you know now I was trying to get back with my ex when I met my current gf. I didn't hid this from her, we were not serious for the first 6-8 months. After that time though I discovered that a ton of guys had her number and were pestering her to meet them. She was going online and flirting with these guys, telling them she would like to meet them and stuff. I found all this in chat logs on her PC. She swears blind that she was just being silly with them and I believed her. She also agreed to stop and I am relatively sure that she did at the time. She deleted people of her profile and changed her phone number then.

 

I remember being very annoyed that everytime her phone went I didn't know if it was another guy asking her to meet them. I felt like that recently (I dont know why - 6th sense) which prompted me to check into her accounts again.

 

When confronted with this evidence she will probably say she had no intention of meeting this guy but the point is I can't continue feeling like I always have to check up on her or everytime her phone goes wondering if its another guy. The relationship is over unless she can come up with a real valid reason as to why she gave this guy her number.

[ComputerJock]

Sad, I have followed your posts and hate to ask this. Are you positive this trip of hers with her daughter isn't to meet the other man? First her number and then a meetup? I hope not, most of us on LS have been hurt too much in our relationships, mine just ended due to her going back on crack and loosing her wonderful kids.

[saddad1]

ComputerJock - I am 100% sure that she is away with her best friend (a girl I may add) and her child. It is a foreign holiday and I have seen the flight bookin for it. Defo not with this other guy as it was booked months ago and she only gave him her number a week ago.

 

Crack sucks man - must have been hard to put up with that. My condolences.

[Richard Friedman]

Why go and waste energy in snooping/confronting her when the writing is on the wall? Seriously man, keep the drama/complexity in your life to a minimum. You should know(I hope) that women who behave like this are fit to be booty calls, and nothing more. Don't try to make a whore into a housewife. Either lose her number and move on, or start looking for something new on the side. Don't maintain any ideas about taking this relationship further.

[jenifer1972]

Is her profile open to anyone? What kind of pics does she have up that many strangers are " poking" her?..

[saddad1]

Her profile isn't open and she doesn't have any naughty pics on there. She is gorgeous though. This guy was added as a friend about a year ago. I know that she played some games on fb where you needed loads of friends around that time so he probably got added then.

 

She hasn't been chatting/flirting with him for a year - some of the messages indicated that this is a very new thing.

 

I hate breaking this off - i really do not want to but I clearly have no choice. Silly girl if she didnt intend to meet him then shes just blown our relationship for nothing

[Joe Normal]

Her profile isn't open and she doesn't have any naughty pics on there. She is gorgeous though. This guy was added as a friend about a year ago. I know that she played some games on fb where you needed loads of friends around that time so he probably got added then.

 

She hasn't been chatting/flirting with him for a year - some of the messages indicated that this is a very new thing.

 

I hate breaking this off - i really do not want to but I clearly have no choice. Silly girl if she didnt intend to meet him then shes just blown our relationship for nothing

 

Sounds like you know the score. Unfortunately she just isn't trustworthy. Even if she didn't intend to cheat this time, it showed disloyalty and deception. It may be that she just got bored after a few years together, and lost some interesting, then look for attention online. Attention whoring is very common with women, especially young attractive ones.