soleharmony1123 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 (edited) As of January 18th, it will be another 1 month NC milestone for me. I broke NC on December 18, to respond to his text that he missed me, wanted to hear my voice and could we bury the hatchet. Four simple words - "I agree - hatchet buried" and it's considered NC breakage. My gut tells me that my Ex taking baby steps...my gut has never misled me - he started sending text mesages & leaving VMs that he misses me. Vague, perhaps, but consistent and something he hadn't done previously when making contact. Another thing he hadn't done since our b/u was text me at 12AM saying "just thinking about u - call me when u get time." But again, I know - ambiguous. Then there was the VM where he sounded very upset when he received my 2nd NC letter. He wanted to talk - said although I said we didn't have anything to talk about, he felt we do. He begged me to call him and said he feels a void, and I began to feel hopeful? for a moment. Then, that voice (my inner voice) spoke to me again - it told me he's still on the fence and I must continue to choose ME over him, anyway. Just strict NC and no back-sliding this time. But I can't help but wonder. So to put the thoughts to rest, I decided I would just post my feelings/thoughts here and perhaps put a stop to them. How the he** do I stop thinking that he'll eventually "wake up" and realize he's making a big mistake?!!! Well, maybe he's not - after all - he is with someone else, isn't he? Edited January 12, 2011 by soleharmony1123
Dorian85 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 As of January 18th, it will be another 1 month NC milestone for me. I broke NC on December 18, to respond to his text that he missed me, wanted to hear my voice and could we bury the hatchet. Four simple words - "I agree - hatchet buried" and it's considered NC breakage. My gut tells me that my Ex taking baby steps...my gut has never misled me - he started sending text mesages & leaving VMs that he misses me. Vague, perhaps, but consistent and something he hadn't done previously when making contact. Another thing he hadn't done since our b/u was text me at 12AM saying "just thinking about u - call me when u get time." But again, I know - ambiguous. Then there was the VM where he sounded very upset when he received my 2nd NC letter. He wanted to talk - said although I said we didn't have anything to talk about, he felt we do. He begged me to call him and said he feels a void, and I began to feel hopeful? for a moment. Then, that voice (my inner voice) spoke to me again - it told me he's still on the fence and I must continue to choose ME over him, anyway. Just strict NC and no back-sliding this time. But I can't help but wonder. So to put the thoughts to rest, I decided I would just post my feelings/thoughts here and perhaps put a stop to them. How the he** do I stop thinking that he'll eventually "wake up" and realize he's making a big mistake?!!! Well, maybe he's not - after all - he is with someone else, isn't he? Do you both have any closure after the breakup? If you do, I don't see whats left to talk about. But if either of you still have unanswered questions, then that may be the reason why he is still contacting you. He may feel that he doesn't have closure. But if you both know the reasons why it didn't work out between you two and it was made pretty clear to begin with, he could just be giving you little love crumbs to see if you will bite. It seems to me like yes, he is taking baby steps to try and arrange some sort of a meeting between you to for a possible reconciliation. I would avoid this considering how you still feel towards him. Right now you are venerable and and kind of affection from him may mess with your head and leave you to make the WRONG decision in whats best for YOU.
Author soleharmony1123 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 I gave myself closure - as much as I could with him being in constant contact ever since the breakup - he's the dumper. This entire breakup period, I have felt more like the dumper at many intervals. He keeps calling, and I stick with NC. A few times I have broken NC. Never an actual closure talk. He's maintained that he still loves me, he's confused, doesn't know what he wants, our emotional bond is too close, you name it - he's used it for an excuse. He's even gone so far to say, on several occasions, that he's still attracted to me. That just didn't make sense to me. But I know he's a "grass-is-greener" victim. He also said he needed space...that was the reason he used for the breakup. We had no issues and have always been very close since we were kids - we had always been very open and honest with each other - shared all our problems, issues, concerns, etc.. When he said he was not happy, I knew something was up. Of course he was wanting to demote me to an option while he snaked around for someone he would perceive as better. So I went NC...he called the very next day - and has never stopped...the longest break I've had from his calls or text messages is 1 month - and I'm certain he counted the days. I agree with you - now, if ever is not the time for me to meet with him for any reason. I'm still in my healing process and for months now I seem to continue to vacillate back & forth in my emotions - a lot of anger is still bottled up after an entire year - January 26th will be 1-year since the breakup. I trusted him and he betrayed my love & trust. I haven't cried like I feel I really need to in a few months - I often feel like crying, but the tears won't come. I feel that's unleashed anger that I'm afraid of. I do have a therapist so I'll continue working through my emotions and soon I'll be okay. It'll all get "better in time." Do you both have any closure after the breakup? If you do, I don't see whats left to talk about. But if either of you still have unanswered questions, then that may be the reason why he is still contacting you. He may feel that he doesn't have closure. But if you both know the reasons why it didn't work out between you two and it was made pretty clear to begin with, he could just be giving you little love crumbs to see if you will bite. It seems to me like yes, he is taking baby steps to try and arrange some sort of a meeting between you to for a possible reconciliation. I would avoid this considering how you still feel towards him. Right now you are venerable and and kind of affection from him may mess with your head and leave you to make the WRONG decision in whats best for YOU.
Fern Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 My thought is that if he was serious about reconciliation he wouldn't be with someone else. That strikes me as the very FIRST step to showing he is serious about reconciliation - losing the safety net. If he can't do that he's just playing with you. That's cruel.
Author soleharmony1123 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 (edited) I agree with you 100% - that would be the only condition under which I'd ever even consider reconciliation with him. Right now it seems he's trying to place me in the same position the new love was before he broke up with me. On hold. I refuse to stoop to the level of the new love - I'm fairly sure she was seeing him while he was still in a relationship with me. At any rate, right now, he seems to have gotten the message within my 2nd NC letter - knowing he is with someone was strong incentive for me to clearly and specifically inform him that I don't want to hear from him anymore. Maybe finally, I'll be able to find peace. My thought is that if he was serious about reconciliation he wouldn't be with someone else. That strikes me as the very FIRST step to showing he is serious about reconciliation - losing the safety net. If he can't do that he's just playing with you. That's cruel. Edited January 12, 2011 by soleharmony1123
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