smoochie Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Hi all, I have an ex that it took me 2-3 years to get over. We loved each other dearly but he was having serious problems that caused us to break up. He hurt me, I in turn hurt him. We stopped all contact for the first two years, then we started talking again and worked through all of our issues. We kept in touch and moved on with our lives, (he lives on one side of the country and I on the other). If we lived anywhere close to each other, we would have never left each other alone. So fast forward to last week. A month ago, we decided to see each other. I flew out there and WOW! It was fantastic!! I had no expectations when I flew out there and don't think he did either. We realized we still love each other very deeply. It wasn't a walk down memory lane or anything like that. We had already dealt with the past stuff years ago. He kept telling me he loved me and did not want me to leave. I didn't tell him I loved him still because I didn't want to go down that road knowing I am not moving out there. He really wanted me to verbalize what he already knew. I was shocked at how hard it was to leave each other at the airport. I told myself I wasnt going to contact him for a few weeks to clear my head and keep my feelings in check. He called me the day I got back home and said the same thing to me. He doesn't want to start worrying about me and what I am doing with other men. He has always been a jealous dude. But I understood wholeheartedly what he meant. He again asked me to relocate so we can be together. He said he was sad because he know he lost me due to his actions. He has since matured greatly and doing really well for himself. Am I crazy for still loving him? Is this odd? How often is it that being separated for years to still love that person? It wasn't like reminiscing on old times, it was more like we were made for each other. I know I sound sappy. lol Any insight?
aerogurl87 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 It's not odd, rare but not odd. Reading your post just made me really nervous though because I'm flying out to see my ex in about 3 weeks for a weekend and we both just want to "see where things go" but I'm scared when I get there I'm going to fall as quickly in love with him as I did the first time we met. He's already told me that he loves me and knows I'm "the one", so we'll see. I do think some people are made for each other and you'll have people tell you that's a load of crap, but I believe it's true. All I can say is to see where things go, who knows if he's really changed maybe you two can have a future together.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Your not crazy... not at all. In fact thankyou for making what I want to have happen look that much more sane. There are allot of people who will tell you your crazy.
Leandro Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 That's a load of crap!!! , just had to say that for Aerogurl. I don't think it's crazy. Odd? No. I hope that whatever happens makes you happy .
Author smoochie Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 Thanks guys! I don't feel so crazy anymore after reading your posts. We haven't talked since we agreed not to talk while we get these feelings back in check and resume our normal lives. I cant help but wonder if we could really have a relationship again though. I toyed with relocating out there for 6 - 12 months to see what happens. That's not a long time but long enough to see what's up. I wouldn't sell my house though. lol
0hpenelope Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 You have something special, smoochie. In the 6 years since you last saw him, did you date, fall in love with other guys, essentially moved on in every single way in your life? I ask this so that LS lurkers and visitors alike can see what NC can do - not because doing so "got you" a second chance with the ex, but because you were able to completely heal. If I may, after 6 years, I think I'd have completely moved on from anyone. Thanks for the input.
ginastar Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Why did u guys break up? just curious... hope everything works out!
DustySaltus Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I don't think it's crazy because i've been in the same situation. However, you should ask yourself a few questions first: Do I truly love is this person and want to be with him or am I looking to fill a void in my life? Someone will have to move somewhere to start fresh. Who's it going to be? Is your love strong enough to overcome that? Are the issues that led to the breakup in the first place solvable? You say that you worked out your issues but then you moved on separately for another 4 years. What made you come back to him? Was it the last time you truly felt love with someone? That feeling could be felt with someone else, but it's not something that easily attainable.
Author smoochie Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 You have something special, smoochie. In the 6 years since you last saw him, did you date, fall in love with other guys, essentially moved on in every single way in your life? I ask this so that LS lurkers and visitors alike can see what NC can do - not because doing so "got you" a second chance with the ex, but because you were able to completely heal. If I may, after 6 years, I think I'd have completely moved on from anyone. Thanks for the input. Yeah I dated and completely moved on. He did the same and got a kid out of it too. But no biggie, I like kids. We COULD NOT talk to each other for about a year after the breakup...it was that hard. He called me a year after the breakup and talked for a few hours. I was still so hurt and never returned his calls after that for about 6 more months. Then we got back in touch and was going to give it a whirl but I still had not gotten over it the first time and made a big mistake so he stopped talking to me. Six, seven months later he called and from that point on, we were friends. We would talk about the things we did and laugh about it because it was truly over and we had both healed. I told him about this guy I was seeing and likewise. So we kept in touch, maybe talked one a month or so....sometimes more, sometimes less. Texts were about the same ratio. So yeah I pined after other guys and when I was with them, never thought of my ex at all. He would send me random pics of himself and his new kid. So I was travelling for business and he called me. Right then and there we decided to visit each other. I flew out there and by the time I got in his car good, we knew what we had. It really feels like some chick flick ending. lol
Author smoochie Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 Why did u guys break up? just curious... hope everything works out! He was immature and needed to grow up. 95% of our issues stemmed from his immaturity (I am seven years older than him). Timing was our "real" problem. And he used to drink alot but he has stopped about 4 years ago. So with him drinking and being young, we had issues. But honestly, if he had never moved away, we would have never left each other alone. We were tied at the heart strings.
Author smoochie Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 I don't think it's crazy because i've been in the same situation. However, you should ask yourself a few questions first: Do I truly love is this person and want to be with him or am I looking to fill a void in my life? Someone will have to move somewhere to start fresh. Who's it going to be? Is your love strong enough to overcome that? Are the issues that led to the breakup in the first place solvable? You say that you worked out your issues but then you moved on separately for another 4 years. What made you come back to him? Was it the last time you truly felt love with someone? That feeling could be felt with someone else, but it's not something that easily attainable. Really great questions! Yes I truly love him, I had to pause and think that through. He is the one person I have always wanted to be with. I hold him in higher regard than my ex husband. I have been lonely lately but I can find anyone to keep me company. We moved on separately because we no longer live in the same state or area, we had no choice. I never really left him to say I went back to him, honestly. If we lived close, we would have never stopped seeing each other, bad or not. I don't know why "this" was the right time to see each other though, just kinda happened that way.
Author smoochie Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 how old are you?? 39 years old and LOVING IT!!
pandagirl Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 OMG. I love this story. It's like a movie! haha.
aerogurl87 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 OMG. I love this story. It's like a movie! haha. It is isn't it? I love happy endings, well hopefully this is much less a happy ending and more of a happy beginning for you two.
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