Phoenix01 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Dear members, I'm not new to this site and I could use the advice of couples who managed to move together with their SO's. Here is our story in few lines. I'm a 22 years old hungarian women, attending to college and about to finish with masters and BSC in 3,5 years, my partner is 22 years old South African man, living in Belgium, attending to college aswell and about to finish his BSC in 3,5 years. We already planned that we want to live together, get married, be happy together etc. One of his dreams is to be an english teacher in Japan. As you can imagine it's pretty far from where I live. Although I'm an adult my parents are still very important in my life. My mom always dreamed of living close to me and my husband, play with the grandchildren. That's why I feel guilty. Now I'm stucked between the dreams of the 2 most important ppl in my life. And altough it hurts I still think would move to Japan with my love. (He offered that he'd move to Hungary, so no, he is not selfish) but it's a childhood dream of his, and I want him to be 100% happy. Obviously nothing is settled yet, and it's quite far away in the future. I just would like to know if any of you were in a similar situation, how you decided and how you coped with your decision. I appreciate every reply
folieadeux Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 My SO and I haven't moved yet and live in the same country, but it's a reality we'll all face in the future. Good to see you're thinking ahead. I will most likely be the one to move, but I won't be leaving too much behind. One of the only relationships that will be impacted heavily is the one between me and my parents. But, they support whatever I decide to do as long as I'm happy and they see me settled down. I'm sure it's the same for yours. The separation will be hard, but I don't think you should feel guilty...you're just following your heart and not doing anything wrong.
blugirl Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Why do you care what your mother wants, it's your life and what YOU want is most important. At least that's my point of view. I mean, my mum wants the same but I'm like NO WAY, I want to move out as far as possible, lol. It's obvious they want to play with grandchildren and such but it's YOUR life and they have to accept your choices and the way you want to live it. You can't please everyone. And the point is not to please others anyway, as I said, think about what do YOU really want. Good luck.
Author Phoenix01 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 Thank you for both of your replies ^^ my problem is/ was that I think both of the ways as you 2 do.obviously it's OUR lives but that doesn't make it any easier. But it feels good to know others oppinions aswell, so, thank you
TokyoG33kyGal Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 oh where in japan? gosh, it's so expensive here! i am not discouraging him and encouraging you to prevent him from doing so...but the teaching job here does not pay much unless he works in some small area, far from the city.
Faded_x Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Is it possible for the two of you to live in Japan for some time (a few years or so, I guess) until you're ready to settle down and have kids? Then you can move back to Hungary and be closer to your parents again, in order for them to know their grandkids. Ulimately though, this will be your life now, and your family. I know it sucks and will be very difficult, but sometimes you have to do what is right for you.
creighton0123 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I can provide a little insight. My boyfriend is currently teaching English in Japan. I know full well that outside of these programs, immigrating to Japan is no easy task. Japanese culture, when it comes to work, is very "You start your job right now" driven. As a result, it is very hard to find work in Japan if you're currently living abroad. Even one small immigration violation can result in losing your "good standing" status, making you ineligible for naturalization (can be granted after staying in Japan for 5 consecutive years) or permanent residency (can be granted after staying in Japan for 10 consecutive years). Naturalization in Japan requires you abandon citizenship to your original country. He could always consider simply applying for and taking a one year contract and living in Japan for one year to fulfill this desire. If he is serious about teaching English in Japan and wants you to join him in fulfilling this dream, I would say that you start saving money right now. It is no easy process going there and living there permanently and will require quite a bit of money to get started. When it comes to international dating, there are three types of relationships: 1. Both are citizens of the same country, but either both or one is living abroad. 2. Both are citizens of different countries and one plans to move to the other. 3. Both are citizens of different countries and both plan to relocate to another country that neither are citizens of. The third type, for the most part, is extremely, extremely difficult and can be quite expensive. You're going to get to the climax in a few years. You have to be prepared to make an answer at that time or before that time. Are you willing to go through all of that hardship for this man and possibly risk not being able to unite in the same foreign country?
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