tb24 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Ok, I left my ex of 2.5 years at the beginning of november. Since then we haven't done NC at all. We've met up a few times and talked on MSN quite a lot. She wants to get back together, she doesn't say it directly, she hasn't even asked me. She just says things like "I want what I can't have". In a way, I want her back. I miss her. Of course I do. But all the reasons I left her are still valid and unlikely to change. Last night I took her out to dinner (Yes probably a bad move in itself), I wanted to talk to her somewhere neutral. We had a good time, it just seemed too normal it was like we were back together. We're just so comfortable around each other. When we were discussing our relationship, it went something like this: Her: I'd like to try Me: I'm not sure. I don't want to set you up to get hurt again. What if in a few weeks I decide I still don't want to be with you? It'll be like breaking up again. Her: I cant feel any worse than I have been anyway She agreed to take it slow, go on a few dates and see what happens. This is about as far as I wanted to commit. We ended up going back to hers and me staying the night. So much for taking it slow... not that we've ever been any good at that. I feel bad because I feel like I'm leading her on. I mean she knows we're not back together and we're just seeing how it goes but I know this is getting her hopes up and I really shouldn't do that because unless a lot of things change, I can't deal with being in a LTR with her again. Ugh, what do I do?
LifeIsGreat Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 You answered your own question when you said "I can't deal with being in a LTR with her". Might help if you let us know what you broke up with her. If your reasons were valid and you truly do not make a good couple (whatever the issues may be), then you need to man up and let her go.
Author tb24 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 Basically she doesn't live in the real world. She has a minor disability (a joint problem) which means she can't do anything that involves much walking or standing up for extended periods, which i can deal with. What annoys me is that she uses it as an excuse to get out of things including getting a job. Yet she constantly complains about not having any money. I just got fed up with it. To be fair she has quit smoking since we broke up, and that is one of the other things I didn't like so she is making some effort. Other than that, she makes a fantastic girlfriend. Which is a shame and why I'm still attached to her.
nanana Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 I was in your girlfriend's position a few months ago, thinking me and my ex were working towards getting back together. After 3 months of going out for dinner, drinks, many dates, he still didn't want to be officially dating, and yes, it did feel like another breakup. In fact, it hurt even worse than the first time... He insisted he loves me, but it didn't change the fact that at the end of the 3 months, I felt really used and like I'd just been there to help him get over the breakup. Before that we'd been together for 2 and a half years, and yet those 3 months completely changed my entire view of him forever. We can't tell you what to do, but however bad you might be feeling, I can guarantee she'll be feeling at least 10x worse, so try and do what's best for her...
Fern Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Couples counselling will help both of you work out if your relationship has a chance of working. Plus you'll be able to get out some of your frustrations about her behaviour in a neutral environment and without hurting her feelings. It can't hurt.
Recommended Posts