NG85 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 (edited) The basics: - Dated for over 2 years, part of which was long-distance - Ex moved back in with parents, 5 hours away, after graduating college and began to make a lot of lifestyle changes in a short period of time - I don't mind these lifestyle changes, but she expected me to make them with her, which caused a lot of tension (I didn't particularly want to and didn't think it was fair) - We decided to take a break and see if we could reconcile things in a few months - The break basically was for nothing, as she began dating a guy she met online less than a month later...Who lives on the other side of the country - Chances of reconciliation between me and her seem less and less likely - On the other hand, she's giving mixed signals and somewhat showing that she still cares This is all particularly confusing and painful because prior to her moving back home we were planning to move in together. Then she lost her job and her income right before graduation and had no choice but to move back home when she was done with school. Being 5 hours away from one another was a major problem for both of us, and was one of the causes of the eventual break-up. But then she goes ahead and begins dating someone who lives 10 times further away from her than I do. It reeks of GIGS, and it's tough because I feel like something I did made her want to break away and live her life to the fullest. After a month of NC we still talk, but I never initiate contact unless I absolutely have to. She's been initiating all the contact, and even commenting on or "liking" almost everything I post on Facebook. I refrain from looking at her profile, but the one time I did recently she removed any trace of interaction between us from her wall and recent activity, almost as if she didn't want her bf to find out - Likewise, she never posts anything on his FB wall or comments on any of his posts. So recently my ex flew out to visit her new guy, and I figured it would be a good time to have some more NC and get her out of my head. Then New Year's rolls around, and at 12:01AM on January 1st I get a text from her, wishing me a happy new year and hoping I was having fun. Strange that she'd send this to me basically at midnight when she was at a party with her new guy. I wait a day or 2, then text her back and make small talk. Also, a few hours later that day she sent me a text regarding a FB status update I had made literally 10 seconds before...Strange how quick she was to contact me both those times in a row. She returned from her trip a few days ago, and as soon as she got on AIM she sent me an IM and when I asked her about the trip, she really just talked about the weather, nothing about her bf. It makes me wonder if there's trouble in paradise, because before that she was always bragging about him and rubbing it in my face, almost to make me feel jealous (Which I'm told is a sign she still cares about me). Theirs' is a really hard relationship type to maintain, and I wonder if she realized the reality of that when she had to fork over $500 and travel across the country to see him. Almost every interaction we have is the same - She contacts me, asks me what's up, then I tell her, then ask her how she is, and then she just keeps talking about herself. I let her lead the conversation, but whenever I talk about myself, she seems disinterested, no matter how great the news I tell her is. She used to be my biggest supporter in my career, and when I told her some excellent news regarding it recently, she seemed like she didn't care - But at the same time, she looked kind of miffed, like she was jealous that I had success. It makes me wonder, if she's so disinterested in me, why does she keep contacting me? She seems to be floundering in life, and I'm worried for her. I still do care for her, and I'm afraid she's going to get hurt with all that's going on - Every time I talk to her her life goals change. Every conversation has her wanting to study at a different school, have a different career, and live in a different city. But since her trip to visit her new bf, it seems like she wants to move to that area - Funny, she told me she wouldn't move someplace just to be near someone, but it seems like that's what she wants to do. This kind of instability was never really present to this extent when she and I were together, but it appeared as soon as we broke up. Every day I'm working on improving myself and moving on, and every day I get stronger and learn to live on my own, but it's these weird mixed signals that keep tripping me up. She wants to talk and meet up in person, yet she seems disinterested in me. She breaks up with me because of distance, yet dates a guy who lives ever further away from her than me. Her changes in life all seem to be reactionary to me, almost like I'm the worst person in the world, yet she still wants me in her life to a degree. She's pushing and pulling like crazy, and it's really confusing the hell out of me, even though I know it shouldn't. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with a GIGS ex? Will she snap out of it? Will these changes in her life be permanent? Is there anything I can do? Are my chances of a reconciliation with her zero? Edited January 12, 2011 by NG85
alimpo83 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 It'a like my ex. When she broke up with me, she lost her track. In the week after the breaking up, she tried to go overseas to work (!) but couldn't do it. And what she does now, like moving to a new place after saying she wouldn't and so, don't try to understand that. I was the man who she wanted to be for the rest of her life and have kids, she told everyone that, even her parents. And seven days before we broke up, I was still the man of her life, her words. GIGS is crap, mainly an excuse (mainly) for women not to commit. They don't want to face the consequences of her actions, and her wanting to be far away is just that, just like my ex girl. Go NC. I'm doing that and she contacted me the other day, but keep it at minimum like you did. It's better for you, and that's right now, is what matters!
Author NG85 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 (edited) Yeah, I definitely think going NC or LC is the best. When she was away and I didn't hear from her for a week I felt really good about myself. I stopped thinking about her, I got a lot of work done, I went to a club and met some girls and hooked up with a few of them, and I might have a date scheduled for this weekend. I'm not an angry person, and likewise I hate it when people are mad at me. I can usually forgive people if they've hurt me, and I realize the first step to feeling better about myself is to not hold anger towards my ex. Therefore, I stick to LC and only talk to her if she talks to me first, which is sometimes once or twice a week (I try and keep the conversations as brief as possible). Having some time to reflect on it, our last conversation was really kind of unsettling. I was hoping she would have something new to say, but every conversation is the same. It's just a mass of indecisiveness. I hope she's happy, but in my mind a happy person wouldn't want to change their life goals around every day. Edited January 12, 2011 by NG85
Author NG85 Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 So far I haven't talked to her in 3 days, and i feel a lot better. I watched the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" last night, and even though it really hit close to home, it was hilarious and allowed me to laugh at a situation that was really similar to mine. What I took away from it is that there are other people out there for you. So right after watching it, I asked a girl out and hopefully we'll be seeing one another this weekend or next weekend. If my ex is seeing someone, I should focus on seeing someone else, too. If my ex and I were really meant to be with one another then we'll find out if things don't work out with our new partners.
dng Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Yeah, I definitely think going NC or LC is the best. When she was away and I didn't hear from her for a week I felt really good about myself. I stopped thinking about her, I got a lot of work done, I went to a club and met some girls and hooked up with a few of them, and I might have a date scheduled for this weekend. I'm not an angry person, and likewise I hate it when people are mad at me. I can usually forgive people if they've hurt me, and I realize the first step to feeling better about myself is to not hold anger towards my ex. Therefore, I stick to LC and only talk to her if she talks to me first, which is sometimes once or twice a week (I try and keep the conversations as brief as possible). Having some time to reflect on it, our last conversation was really kind of unsettling. I was hoping she would have something new to say, but every conversation is the same. It's just a mass of indecisiveness. I hope she's happy, but in my mind a happy person wouldn't want to change their life goals around every day. I hated reading that. I was in that mindset for 6 months and nothing good came out of it. I think they are just using us to feel that love that is now missing from their lives. Don't be too hard on yourself. In my case she knows I've always felt reponsible for her and used that to her advantage after the breakup. Perhaps it is your case as well. I always wanted to end it in a positive note and she kept coming back and fighting to keep me in the same position. Again, perhaps your case as well. I ended up telling her I had met someone. Never heard a word after that. Well, not entirely true. I drunk emailed her for the first time in six months asking "Who are you really? I hope you burn in hell". She replied within minutes "What's your problem??" I was gonna be all sad and angry at myself for doing that, then I realized again that I dont need to be so hard on myself, that's part of the problem. Telling someone you want to meet them, forgive and forget and start anew and then not showing up is so violent. I dont need to go down to her level but I can forgive myself for this one. Examine these facts, wonder if they apply to you, and then decide if you want to wait six months and reach that point.
Author NG85 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 Hey all, another update. It's been a little over 3 weeks since I went into my second No Contact period. Aside from her posting on my Facebook wall last weekend, there's been no talking. This NC period has been much much easier on me than the first time. The first time I went NC it was for about a month, and it was the longest month of my life. Now these past 3 weeks have just flown by, and I haven't really thought about her...Well, actually, it seemed like I only thought about her when something annoyed me, henceforth reminding me of her! Since beginning NC, I went on a date with a girl the next weekend (Which didn't work out), but I have another date this weekend. Who knows, this next person could be better for me than my ex ever was!
Leandro Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Good luck with the date. Remember, dont rush into anything yet. Just go and have a good time.
Author NG85 Posted February 4, 2011 Author Posted February 4, 2011 Good luck with the date. Remember, dont rush into anything yet. Just go and have a good time. Definitely, I'm actually enjoying being single. But a little social interaction never hurt anyone. And hey, when a cute girl asks you out, you say yes!
Leandro Posted February 5, 2011 Posted February 5, 2011 And hey, when a cute girl asks you out, you say yes! Damn right you do!
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