GlassPrisoner79 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 a question for all you out there. who do you think is supposed to [in general] initiate "the talk" of becoming exclusive, the man or the woman? it's funny because i ask all my guy friends and girl friends, and literally every single one responded with whatever the opposite sex was. all my guy friends said the girl is absolutely supposed to initiate that, and all the girls said a man is supposed to bring up that topic. so what do you think? which is more common, do you think? in my personal experience, i have NEVER initiated, it was always the girl who brought up the "what are we" topic. i ask this now, because it hasn't been brought up by the girl i've been dating for a few months, and i'm shocked that it hasn't because it was always brought up within 2 months! we've been seeing other for about 4-5! i guess we can both still technically see other people (which all my guy friends say is the ideal situation until she says otherwise)!
pookster72 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 i have brought it up twice and both times got rejected. in the three relationships i've been in the guy brought it up. so i'm going with the guy.
Jazzari Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 I'd love for my own ongoing relationship to be exclusive. But no way am I going to bring it up. I'm really paranoid about pushing too soon. I really want him to do it.
tigressA Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 If you really want it, you bring it up. Period.
carhill Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 'At this point I can't imagine dating anyone but you. How do you feel about that?' That's my line. Historically, I've broached the subject first. Also, I generally have said ILY first, save for a few drunken errors by women who 'didn't mean it'.
Confusedalways Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 I wouldn't be opposed to bringing it up, but the male has always beat me to it, and I think I prefer it like that. Generally I thought men were 'supposed' to be the ones bringing it up.
Jannah Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 a question for all you out there. who do you think is supposed to [in general] initiate "the talk" of becoming exclusive, the man or the woman? it's funny because i ask all my guy friends and girl friends, and literally every single one responded with whatever the opposite sex was. all my guy friends said the girl is absolutely supposed to initiate that, and all the girls said a man is supposed to bring up that topic. so what do you think? which is more common, do you think? in my personal experience, i have NEVER initiated, it was always the girl who brought up the "what are we" topic. i ask this now, because it hasn't been brought up by the girl i've been dating for a few months, and i'm shocked that it hasn't because it was always brought up within 2 months! we've been seeing other for about 4-5! i guess we can both still technically see other people (which all my guy friends say is the ideal situation until she says otherwise)! I reverted to following the traditional route (man asking the woman) after my last fiasco.
robaday Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 I always brought it up in the past, and scared a couple of women away. Then I decided to wait for the woman, which worked a couple of times. But after being pressured into it when I wasnt ready a couple of times, only for it to end in tears, I have decided to wait until I am ready to bring it up. If the woman raises it first and I am not ready Ill tell her that-I am not ready, she can make her own choices. If the woman wants to wait while I make up my mind then fine, if she doesnt Im also fine with it. I never used to think it was a big thing, but its amazing how something changes once your "exclusive", especially how expectations suddenly shoot up. Ive also found with a couple of women, that there interest level suddenly drops once your exclusive. Must pick the wrong ones.
shadowofman Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 In my experiences, the woman mandates and the man capitulates. More generally, one person assumes more than the other and when the first conflict occurs, then the rules are laid out. One then takes the dominate position.
waynebrady Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 The man initiates everything else in a relationship.... So the man probably has to initiate that too. Women are passive and want to feel like the guy wants them much more than they want the guy, and if they initiate even one single little thing... then they are in effect showing that they actually have a sincere intrest in the guy, and offcourse they don't want to show that.
waynebrady Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 i have brought it up twice and both times got rejected. in the three relationships i've been in the guy brought it up. so i'm going with the guy. Men get rejected all the time, doesn't stop us now does it? How many men don't you think have gotten rejected when bringing up "the talk"? Sorry but for a woman, it's a poor excuse to bring up past rejections. You or any other woman haven't gotten close to being rejected as much as the average man (no offence). If a man said something like "I got rejected once so from now on I'll wait for the woman to do it", he'll be alone for the rest of his life and thats a fact. Rejection is a part of it, men get rejected all the time so the "i don't wanna look desperate/will scare the guy away/men don't like it when women initiates" excuse women use do not work.
OceanGirl Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Unfortunately, it's been my experience that if a guy really wants you - he will bring it up. I have crashed and burned every time I have tried to push for it.
zengirl Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 In my experiences, the woman mandates and the man capitulates. More generally, one person assumes more than the other and when the first conflict occurs, then the rules are laid out. One then takes the dominate position. My experience is almost opposite this, in that it's a total give and take, that's only really mentioned after both parties are acting like it's a relationship (independently choosing to be exclusive, independently choosing to invest) anyway. In terms of who says the words, I've said it, and I've had men say it, but it's always been mutual and expected. It's never been a 'surprise.' Sometimes it has several steps, many smaller conversations, rather than one big one.
GivenUp0083 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 I'm in the same boat with a girl I've dated the last month but has moved pretty fast. We met online and we've already determined exclusivity and both taken down our profiles. The question I have is how to have the "boyfriend/girlfriend talk" or when it's appropriate. It's not official until it's on facebook!
GivenUp0083 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Unfortunately, it's been my experience that if a guy really wants you - he will bring it up. I have crashed and burned every time I have tried to push for it. You're not an average girl though, your relationships and experiences aren't typical of normal people. Sorry, truth burns sometimes.
Analeigh Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 I prefer that the guy initiates the discussion. In my experience it usually leads to a better relationship, too, usually because it seems like he is more interested. I have no problem bringing up an "exclusively dating" discussion. I want to know if I am the only one he is seeing and I won't sleep with him if I'm not. But I won't be the one who pushes for a relationship, for the girlfriend/boyfriend label. And yes, to me those are two different things, and I like it that way. I prefer exclusivity for a good month or two before we make it official.
Mad Max Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 In my relationships, it's always been the girl that initiates becoming exclusive. The way I see it, if she wants it bad enough, she'll bring it up.
40 Fonzarelli Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 One is gonna want it more than the other usually. They think they are gonna scare the other person off. What does everyone do if the other person says they are not ready? Leave or how long do you wait around?
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