Terribly ... The ex has re-appeared..

[Tricia23]

Well, its been about 2 months since my left me.

 

I did see him last Sunday 1/2/11 which was the first time we saw each other since our November 17th breakup. I asked to see him, and after a little bit of thought he agreed, and we met up and talked. We went over everything from how our life was to why our relationship failed etc.

So

after our get together I knew it was over. I knew I had to let him go, and slowly put the pieces of my life together and move on. He advised me to do that anyways. I didn't contact him since last Sunday, and I didn't allow my self either. I was strict

NC

.

 

 

So

here I am, getting ready to go out with my cousin and my friend, and my cell phone recieves a text message. I looked down, and my jaw dropped. It was my ex.

 

I was absolutely completely 100% shocked! I didn't expect to hear from him at all. He sent "Hey" and I responded back with "Hey" He asked me if I wanted to get together tonight for dinner. I thought about it for some time, and I accepted. I know I may not have, but I have been an absolute mess since he left, and going out with him, didn't seem that bad.

 

 

Well here's what happened. On my drive over, I was

so

scared. My heart was beating super fast. I had no idea what was in store. But when I got to his house, it was like we didn't even break up. Of course I felt awkard, but I didn't really let him see that. I just kept it to myself.

 

We had a wonderful dinner together. We talked alot, and had great conversation. He opened doors, helped me put my coat on, held my hand, and was just very sweet. After dinner we went back to his house, and hung out, and talked. He held me, and we snuggled together. It was just perfect.

 

I felt like I was back where I belong. My heart was

so

full and happy at that very moment, I wanted to cry. Something was telling me that I was in love with the feeling I felt while I was with him. We laughed, joked with each other, and it was just

so

much fun.

 

He said he was going to call me and ask me to hang out again.

 

Again, I'

m

not looking at this as a start to a reconciliation, I dont want to get my hopes up. I just want to go on everyday and do what makes me happy. If he happens to call, again, I'

m

sure I will accept his offer to hang out.

 

I know at this point, if we jumped right into it again, it would turn out disasterous,

so

I'

m

just taking things a day at a time.

 

During our conversation last night, he did say that he felt he was too hard on me when we met up last Sunday. I felt that too, but I just brushed it off. He wasn't being mean or anything, he was just very stern with what he was telling me. He was sweet to me too, just very forward.

So

because of that, he wanted to take me out to eat. Plus he said he has 2 best friends who he could have taken out to eat, but he preffered me instead. That was nice to hear.

 

 

I'

m

not sure what is going to happen, but i am guarded. I don't want to be hurt again by him. I'

m

more than certain he knows I still care about him. I'

m

sure he does

 

 

So

here I am today 1/11/11 2 days after our dinner, and I'

m

kinda sad. We spoke once via text today, and it wasn't anything special. I don't know why I feel sad again. The day after our date, I was on Cloud 9. I smiled everytime I thought of him, or when he face popped in my head. It was just wonderful. I felt amazing.

 

I don't know why I'

m

sad right now. I think its because I'

m

confused about things with us. I don't really know where its going, or if anything is going to even happen with us. I really want it too, and I wanted to confront him on it, but I just couldn't. I didn't want to ruin anything.

 

I care about him

so

much. I just wish we something positive would happen with us. And I just want to stop being

so

sad. And I don't even know why I'

m

sad. =(

 

 

 

Advice is greatly appreciated!

Well its

[carhill]

He had many issues that were interfering with our relationship, which be blamed on me. So needless to say it was a really rough 7 months. I tried to put up with it, and I did my best to be there for him, but it didn't seem good enough.

 

So, what has changed for him?

 

He left you and apparently blamed you for the issues in your R impelling him to leave.

 

Romancing you (yes, that's what he's doing; it's called the Cheer's effect) has nothing to do with the real issues which caused your R to end. Unless those are dealt with, history will repeat itself.

 

You saw a glimmer of it with 'stern'.

 

If you proceed, stay away from oxytocin pumping. It'll eat you up. That means no sex, for now. Don't say I didn't warn you. Good luck

[Tricia23]

So are you saying that he's not sincere?

 

I was just trying to get an idea of what may be going through his head.

 

Does this mean there is no possibility for a reconciliation on his part? I'm not thinking there is, I was just curious.

 

 

We went over some of the issues when I first met up with him. Yes I was at fault, but he was too. We both discussed that. We didn't talk at all about getting back together. I want to talk to him about it, but I don't want to push anything. He did say when we were together on Sunday, that we were friends, and we were enjoying each other. Whatever that meant.

 

If he continues to call me, and hang out then I would think about saying something, or maybe we would even talk about it then.

 

He has always been upfront with everything and how he feels, so I'm sure he'd say something when the time came.

 

I'm just so confused.....

[carhill]

So, continue 'hanging out' as 'friends' and advise when he takes responsibility for his contribution to the R's demise and apologizes for blaming you for his own issues. I'd say, by spring, you'll have a good idea of how things are going to go. Don't forget to date other men. He's one of a big sea now. Lots of potentials.

[Tricia23]

carhill- Thanks for the advice. All I can do is move on and take care of myself. Whatever happens, I'll go with it, as long as its what makes me happy.

 

 

I need a whole lot of luck, and my prayers answered....

 

I just hope is doesn't turn out bad....

[FreeToBe]

As a guy, I'm going to let you behind the curtain a bit...

 

This may not be the case in your situation, but it is something to consider... Men's egos are often tied to their ability to attract women. It very well could be that he simply has no other options right now and you are the fall-back girl (could be). It could also be that he really misses you and realizes he may have made a mistake...

 

How do you know the difference?

 

Watch for consistency in his words and behaviors - do the two jive? Is there any sense of urgency in his words or actions (out of fear you will not have him back)?

 

Some of these things you can control by not being too available to him. Don't play games, but be cautious...

 

The sad feeling you have is because your subconscious is telling you to be freakin' careful to not get hurt again. It's your inner-self warning you that you don't trust him completely (and you shouldn't yet). You are sad because you want it to be so, yet he may not have come out and clearly said to you that YES! YES! I WANT ONLY YOU FOREVER!! (don't hold your breath for that btw).

 

I prescribe you the following: 1. Keep a rational mind 2. Time - take your time 3. Watch for consistency

 

Good luck.

[Tricia23]

FreetoBe-

 

Thanks for you kind advice. You seemed to have hit the nail on the head with what you said. I do believe thats the reason why I'm sad. I wish it could be that way with us.

 

I definitely am guarded. I have to let myself go on with my life, and do what makes me happy. It seemed as if he was trying to work his way back into my life, but now I'm not so sure. I really don't know what his intentions are. I just figured that if you want to be with someone, you'd have a slight bit more of communication. I'm ok with not talking to him as much though. I reached out to him today, and I'm done until he reaches out to me at all.

 

I hope in a matter of time, i'll know more on what I should do with this situation.

 

Its terribly hard and confusing...