Second date, also her birthday

[xRJ85x]

So I'm going out with this girl on a second date Thursday in NYC. It also happens to be me taking her out for her birthday, which was last night. I am COMPLETELY stumped on ideas. I was going to take her to this awesome, expensive waterfront restaurant, but now I'm feeling uncomfortable for the obvious reason that A) its too typical and B) we'll run out of things to say. I started trying to think of more interactive, creative ideas. I'm usually a pretty creative guy, but I don't know much about this girl. Ladies, any help would be greatly appreciated!

[oaks]

So I'm going out with this girl on a second date Thursday in NYC. It also happens to be me taking her out for her birthday, which was last night. I am COMPLETELY stumped on ideas. I was going to take her to this awesome, expensive waterfront restaurant, but now I'm feeling uncomfortable for the obvious reason that A) its too typical and B) we'll run out of things to say. I started trying to think of more interactive, creative ideas. I'm usually a pretty creative guy, but I don't know much about this girl. Ladies, any help would be greatly appreciated!

 

I'm not a lady, but if running out of things to say is a concern, and you're in NYC, then get tickets to see a show on Broadway (perhaps too expensive) or go and see a movie. Show/movie dates can limit the amount of interaction you can have because people don't like you talking while the movie is showing, so make sure you have time before or after for talking.

 

Or go on a date where the date gives you new topics of conversation. An art gallery or museum might work - you can talk about whether you like the paintings.

 

But, to avoid running out of things to talk about just ask her a few things and let her talk about herself and you'll probably be surprised how the time flies.

[OceanGirl]

If you run out of things to say easily then you are most likely not compatible.

[Confusedalways]

Ice skating and coffee after?

[xRJ85x]

Well I can still do the dinner, I don't mind it. I just felt like its a little cliché. I've heard from quite a few that the dinner date isn't such a good idea anymore. I'll still do it, but I feel like we should be doing something fun after too.

 

CA, I'd definitely do the ice skating, but if you remember my thread a couple days ago about the girl having to cancel two dates, one of them was for ice skating, and I don't wanna bring that one up again yet so it makes it look like I'm unoriginal. The other was a comedy club date, which I really wished would've gone down.

[ConflictedGuy27]

whatever you do, you must throw partying in the mix.

 

I offer this because you've got a balancing act to perform here. on one hand it's a second date and on the other, it's her freaking birthday.

 

if you haven't known her that long it will be awkward if you get anything remotely appropriate as a birthday present -- that would clash with the pace of what should be taking place on a second date.

 

however, you still have to show her a great time while operating within the appropriate context of a 2nd date and some guy (who's practically a stranger) celebrating her birthday.

 

do dinner. hype up the fact that it's her birthday & you know a place she's gotta see & take her there. dance, drink, & party. act like a high schooler that just snuck out on a school night.

 

wish her happy birthday a lot while you're laughing and dancing (no need for in depth conversation on the dance floor). just be fun. go anywhere and everywhere that's feasible if you think you'll have a good time.

 

if I were you I'd be shooting to have her say "wow, I haven't had a night Luke that in forever!" or "this was the best birthday I've had I ages" something along those lines.

 

come to think of it. you could net a girl friend here if you play this correctly.

[xRJ85x]

I'm not a lady, but if running out of things to say is a concern, and you're in NYC, then get tickets to see a show on Broadway (perhaps too expensive) or go and see a movie. Show/movie dates can limit the amount of interaction you can have because people don't like you talking while the movie is showing, so make sure you have time before or after for talking.

 

Or go on a date where the date gives you new topics of conversation. An art gallery or museum might work - you can talk about whether you like the paintings.

 

But, to avoid running out of things to talk about just ask her a few things and let her talk about herself and you'll probably be surprised how the time flies.

 

Hmmm I was thinking of the movie idea, but it would prob be at her place. And that's a big no no, especially after how I made out with her all night at her place on our first date. I don't wanna send the wrong message.

 

The art or museum thing is more what I'm looking for.

[Confusedalways]

Well I can still do the dinner, I don't mind it. I just felt like its a little cliché. I've heard from quite a few that the dinner date isn't such a good idea anymore. I'll still do it, but I feel like we should be doing something fun after too.

 

CA, I'd definitely do the ice skating, but if you remember my thread a couple days ago about the girl having to cancel two dates, one of them was for ice skating, and I don't wanna bring that one up again yet so it makes it look like I'm unoriginal. The other was a comedy club date, which I really wished would've gone down.

 

Oh a comedy club would have been fun! I see what you mean about not wanting to bring up iceskating again. Ok. Let me think here. What about some sort of beer tasting? Wine tasting?

 

National history museum? Wax museum? Oh! What about "top of the rock?"

[xRJ85x]

whatever you do, you must throw partying in the mix.

 

I offer this because you've got a balancing act to perform here. on one hand it's a second date and on the other, it's her freaking birthday.

 

if you haven't known her that long it will be awkward if you get anything remotely appropriate as a birthday present -- that would clash with the pace of what should be taking place on a second date.

 

however, you still have to show her a great time while operating within the appropriate context of a 2nd date and some guy (who's practically a stranger) celebrating her birthday.

 

do dinner. hype up the fact that it's her birthday & you know a place she's gotta see & take her there. dance, drink, & party. act like a high schooler that just snuck out on a school night.

 

wish her happy birthday a lot while you're laughing and dancing (no need for in depth conversation on the dance floor). just be fun. go anywhere and everywhere that's feasible if you think you'll have a good time.

 

if I were you I'd be shooting to have her say "wow, I haven't had a night Luke that in forever!" or "this was the best birthday I've had I ages" something along those lines.

 

come to think of it. you could net a girl friend here if you play this correctly.

 

You're spot on with what I'm trying to do! haha My ultimate goal is to have her say "Wow, that was one of the best birthday presents ever!" I want a balancing act between the romantic dinner I made reservations for, and doing something fun after that she'll laugh with. After all, that is my strongest trait with women. I'm horrible at initiating stimulating conversation (hence my fear of just doing the dinner), but what's always drawn women to me was my ability to make everyone else around laugh and have a lot more fun. I just need a little helping push.

 

Oh a comedy club would have been fun! I see what you mean about not wanting to bring up iceskating again. Ok. Let me think here. What about some sort of beer tasting? Wine tasting?

 

National history museum? Wax museum? Oh! What about "top of the rock?"

 

"Top of the rock" would be cool. Is that just the sightseeing from the top or is it an actual tour? I've never been.

[ConflictedGuy27]

art museum? ice skating? her house??

on her birthday?!

 

tell me she's turning 50 and I'll vote for these ideas; hell, I'll even email you a coupon for hometown buffet...

 

the fact that she's choosing to celebrate her birthday with only you tells one of two things (or both): (i) she has 0 to a handful of actual friends (which is great if you're trying to get with her); and/or (ii) she thinks birthdays aren't a big deal -- in which case, all this means is she forgot how it feels to have the spot light turned on her, while being shown an awesome time.

 

you could sweep her off her feet here, via spontaneity; which I would totally recommend because you've admitted you're not the greatest conversationalist while sitting still.

 

either change venues often (which will likely shift conversation as well), or do fun things (that senior citizens don't frequently do... cough, museum, cough...) that don't require that you two engage in a discussion of War & Peace.

 

think fun. downgrade your thinking back to high school/college antics and you'll be a shoe in. grow down!

[xRJ85x]

art museum? ice skating? her house??

on her birthday?!

 

tell me she's turning 50 and I'll vote for these ideas; hell, I'll even email you a coupon for hometown buffet...

 

the fact that she's choosing to celebrate her birthday with only you tells one of two things (or both): (i) she has 0 to a handful of actual friends (which is great if you're trying to get with her); and/or (ii) she thinks birthdays aren't a big deal -- in which case, all this means is she forgot how it feels to have the spot light turned on her, while being shown an awesome time.

 

you could sweep her off her feet here, via spontaneity; which I would totally recommend because you've admitted you're not the greatest conversationalist while sitting still.

 

either change venues often (which will likely shift conversation as well), or do fun things (that senior citizens don't frequently do... cough, museum, cough...) that don't require that you two engage in a discussion of War & Peace.

 

think fun. downgrade your thinking back to high school/college antics and you'll be a shoe in. grow down!

 

Oh no, this isn't her actual birthday. Her birthday was Monday night, and I'm pretty sure she spent Sunday or Monday with her girl friends. She's VERY popular.

 

I'd take her to a fun bar with music or something, but as much as I love to go out, I just didn't wanna get partying too associated with her. We did drinks for the first date and ended up partying until 5 in the morning, then went back to her place. I'm trying to be a little more romantic/casually fun rather than all out drinking. She knows I can party.

[Confusedalways]

Top of the rock was just observation decks-- but it was really cool, I spent like an hour up there.

 

And BTW I am 23 and approve of these ideas

[xRJ85x]

Top of the rock was just observation decks-- but it was really cool, I spent like an hour up there.

 

And BTW I am 23 and approve of these ideas

 

Good, you and her are the same age.

 

I have to ask though, do girls really like stuff like art and history museums? I was joking with my stepsister last night that she should admit if a dude took her to a museum, she'd think very differently of them . She laughed and said "haha I guess you're right..."

[ConflictedGuy27]

oh yeah, when I say grow down, I also mean your conversation.

 

work is generally boring. just a means to an ends for most.

 

her favorite color, however. now that's useful information and I doubt a guy's asked her that in years.

 

what about her favorite flower? "a Lilly, huh? how come? I would've pegged you as a tulip girl!" let her explain.

 

if you had all the money in the world, how would you spend your time?

 

were you ever afraid of the dark?

 

whats the funniest moment you can remember?

 

remember this stuff from grade school??

women eat this type of conversation up because what I've noticed is all dudes typically ask is:

 

what do you do for work?

where have you traveled & what have you seen?

do you have a dog?

 

that's not conversation; it's a job interview.

 

cut to the core like kids do.

that's what I mean when I say grow down. it works for me & what's awesome is it's great ammo for later communications.

 

i.e. random text: "still can't believe your favorite flower's a lily. next time I think I'll bring you a lily & a tulip, just to be sure."

 

shop for info you can use later.

[ConflictedGuy27]

Top of the rock was just observation decks-- but it was really cool, I spent like an hour up there.

 

And BTW I am 23 and approve of these ideas

 

I approve too, since you said you've partied OP.

nicely done.

 

I stand by my post regarding growing down.

I still think you should act as though this is your shot to do the birthday stuff with just you & her.

 

you've got great ideas. you'll do fine.

[xRJ85x]

Top of the rock was just observation decks-- but it was really cool, I spent like an hour up there.

 

And BTW I am 23 and approve of these ideas

 

CA, would it be a bad thing if I said "Hey, so I got us reservations at this really cool restaurant. But I've been thinking hard of something fun to do after too. Anything you'd like to do? Find a bar with music? See a movie?" I know its not great for the guy to ask the girl what she wants to do normally though....I felt bad enough the first date having to ask her where she wanted to go. I suggested drinks but since I'm not from the city, I had to ask if she knew a good place.

[Confusedalways]

I don't think it's a bad thing in and of itself- but I know that personally I would be like "oh, it doesn't matter!" Because truly- if I am out on a date with someone I like it wouldn't matter.

 

Maybe word it so you have specific choices and gently force her to pick one. Something like "Hey, I got us reservations at this really cool restaurant. I'd like to take you to do something after. Since I picked the restaurant, I thought you could pick what to do afterward. I thought of a few ideas- we could do X, Y, or Z. Let me know which is best so I can plan "

 

Kinda rough draft but you get the idea. I think she will recognize all the thought you are putting into this and gladly choose any of them. I'm going to keep checking back- I want to hear how this goes! When are you going out?

 

Oh and I definitely like museums for dates! Not a huge fan of art galleries, though. Admittedly, it takes a specific kind of girl to like those types of things. Sounds like a good plan for a 3rd or 4th date

[xRJ85x]

I don't think it's a bad thing in and of itself- but I know that personally I would be like "oh, it doesn't matter!" Because truly- if I am out on a date with someone I like it wouldn't matter.

 

Maybe word it so you have specific choices and gently force her to pick one. Something like "Hey, I got us reservations at this really cool restaurant. I'd like to take you to do something after. Since I picked the restaurant, I thought you could pick what to do afterward. I thought of a few ideas- we could do X, Y, or Z. Let me know which is best so I can plan "

 

Kinda rough draft but you get the idea. I think she will recognize all the thought you are putting into this and gladly choose any of them. I'm going to keep checking back- I want to hear how this goes! When are you going out?

 

Oh and I definitely like museums for dates! Not a huge fan of art galleries, though. Admittedly, it takes a specific kind of girl to like those types of things. Sounds like a good plan for a 3rd or 4th date

 

haha I will keep you updated!

 

Took a sort of awkward twist of events though, now I'm feeling a little uncomfortable. So not only was I spending a lot of time on trying to think of something to do after, but I had this thought pop up in the back of my mind late today that she didn't like seafood. So I was scrambling to find another place just in case. I made reservations at both. She called me later (which probably wasn't a good thing, waiting around for my ass to sort things out), and I said "Hey I was just about to text you. I made reservations at two different places, one seafood and one italian, because I couldn't remember if you didn't like seafood." Sure enough...she doesn't like seafood. So now we're going to a restaurant that has an amazing view of the city, which I asked for a window seat as well, but the reviews on the food are kind of meh. Not only that, but I also said "Umm I was also trying to think of something fun to do after... we could find a bar with music, or a movie, though I know movie is kinda meh." She said "Hmmm....I dunno....not sure. I do have to wake up early on Friday." So that left me feeling like a jackass. I'm hoping she keeps consideration of my other awesome proposals of ice skating just before Christmas and going to the comedy club.

 

I hate having just the dinner thing in a place I've never been to, so hopefully everything goes well. My friends who I've been talking to think she likes me a lot, enough that it doesn't matter what happens as long as we have fun. I'll definitely let you know how it goes. I'm also gonna see if I can get her a funny card for her birthday.

Edited January 13, 2011 by xRJ85x

[ConflictedGuy27]

you need to decide this stuff for her. seriously man.

 

I don't mean this as some macho, ego bs either. show her that you know her and have been listening. plan the whole evening and let her know you e got a few surprises lined up you'll know she'll really enjoy.

 

IMO, earning a gold star is more of an uphill climb because you keep draining the mystery out if the date. adding insult to injury, she mentioned not liking seafood and you offered that you forgot something she told you about herself.

 

bring a pen & paper with you on this date, buddy.

you're missing opportunities to really shine.

[Confusedalways]

Oops! That IS awkward- but totally not your fault.

 

I think it's endearing how much effort you're putting into this and I really do hope she's interested in you- and I also sincerely hope you do not get hurt. I'm glad your friends think she's interested, usually people on the outside can read a situation much better.

 

That's the thing I hate about NYC- food is always hit or miss. But if it's bad, surely you will be able to laugh about it. Plus re: ice skating/ comedy club is a great follow up for another date. "I'd still like to cash in on that rain check from before the holidays and take you ice skating."

 

I'd be flattered if someone put forth this much effort for me. You need to RELAX. You're going to do fine

[OceanGirl]

CA, would it be a bad thing if I said "Hey, so I got us reservations at this really cool restaurant. But I've been thinking hard of something fun to do after too. Anything you'd like to do? Find a bar with music? See a movie?" I know its not great for the guy to ask the girl what she wants to do normally though....I felt bad enough the first date having to ask her where she wanted to go. I suggested drinks but since I'm not from the city, I had to ask if she knew a good place.

 

 

Don't do this. It makes you sound like a pu$$y.

[ConflictedGuy27]

Don't do this. It makes you sound like a pu$$y.

 

exactly... matter of fact; you already gave that impression.

 

confusedalways has good intentions going on here, but she's coddling & encouraging you to behaive like a pussy. it shows.

 

have you ever had to wake up early to take care of business the next morning, but still went out?? think of the time where staying out was 100% worth being dog tired in the morning... it's cause you were having an amazing time, right?

 

people do what they want; they weigh options. if your proposal was awesome, she wouldn't have even mentioned the Friday, early thing. granted, for all I know she could have some extreme medical school entry exam to take Friday morning, but I'm going out on a limb to say, I doubt it.

 

there's not much you can do at this point. cat's out of the bag. I'd just encourage you, in the future, to lead the conversation in directions where you learn enough about her so you can actually plan a date she'd enjoy, without calling her like she's some kind of hotline.

 

Confused was correct when she mentioned, if she really likes you, she'll let certain things slide, so who knows, maybe you're still okay. you'll know for certain soon.

 

good luck, mate.

[ConflictedGuy27]

this is how your words came across to me;

 

"Hey I was just about to text you. I made reservations at two different places, one seafood and one italian, because I couldn't remember if you didn't like seafood."

 

translation: not only am I indecisive, i'm also a poor listener.

 

"Umm I was also trying to think of something fun to do after... we could find a bar with music, or a movie, though I know movie is kinda meh."

 

translation: I have no idea where fun things are, past dinner time. and oh yeah, each of these things I'm proposing are equally fun to me, so why don't you pick one that you think is more fun than the other and maybe we can do that... you know, if you want to.

 

She said "Hmmm....I dunno....not sure. I do have to wake up early on Friday."

 

translation: I have to eat on Thursday anyway... so I'll go eat, and see how I feel then.

[xRJ85x]

exactly... matter of fact; you already gave that impression.

 

confusedalways has good intentions going on here, but she's coddling & encouraging you to behaive like a pussy. it shows.

 

have you ever had to wake up early to take care of business the next morning, but still went out?? think of the time where staying out was 100% worth being dog tired in the morning... it's cause you were having an amazing time, right?

 

people do what they want; they weigh options. if your proposal was awesome, she wouldn't have even mentioned the Friday, early thing. granted, for all I know she could have some extreme medical school entry exam to take Friday morning, but I'm going out on a limb to say, I doubt it.

 

there's not much you can do at this point. cat's out of the bag. I'd just encourage you, in the future, to lead the conversation in directions where you learn enough about her so you can actually plan a date she'd enjoy, without calling her like she's some kind of hotline.

 

Confused was correct when she mentioned, if she really likes you, she'll let certain things slide, so who knows, maybe you're still okay. you'll know for certain soon.

 

good luck, mate.

 

She texted me this morning asking the restaurant, then asked if I still wanted to go out later tonight cuz she may be able to go into work later Friday morning.

 

Its one thing if its the first time I'm asking her out, but as I said I've completely planned the last two dates, it just so happened the plans fell through. She knows I'm trying. Those times I stayed out without regard to work the next day were with big groups of friends at a bar or something, or spending time at a friend's place. We're not at that stage yet, for either. The pressure is much more difficult. You're only suggestion was going to a bar to drink, and that was our first date. The second date needs to be much more creative.

 

As far as the remembering things, after I texted her happy birthday she said "I'm sooo impressed you remembered!!! :)" So I don't have a problem there either. I remembered things, it just so happened I forgot a small detail.

Edited January 13, 2011 by xRJ85x

[xRJ85x]

I'm going to keep checking back- I want to hear how this goes! When are you going out?

 

Been a few days, but as promised, here's how it went, CA:

 

Picked her up, went out to dinner at that place, and it ended up being somewhere where she had been before! hahah It turned out to be very nice, much better than I expected. Conversation went much better than expected too, spent most of the time talking about deeper things like our career goals and more in depth in personal pasts and such. After that, she asked me what the plan was after. I said we could try a couple of the bars in town (we weren't in the city, across the river in Hoboken) but we couldn't find parking. So we decided to go back to the city, and she took me to this great bar by her place. Couple of drinks relaxed us and we ended up talking more and laughing about things. She invited me back to her place again were we watched TV and fell asleep together. Pretty solid second date I would say! Got a third date out of it as well, as I had to leave early that morning, and she begged me not to go so I said "How about I come over tomorrow night and we cook something together and watch that movie we talked about?" She smiled and said yes. Unfortunately it didn't go through cuz she forgot she was going out with her friends, but we set it up for the future. Thanks again for all your support CA!

Edited January 17, 2011 by xRJ85x