lookingforyou Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 I met a new guy. At first it was some calls and texts. We went out a few times thereafter. When we were hanging out, it was great and a laugh. But I noticed that since we've gone out, he's made fewer calls and sent me fewer texts. Almost dried up. I don't understand the change in contact behavior since I think we still get on great. Is he pulling away? Or unsure even though he seems to appear happy when we hang out? Any guy does such a thing? Why do you do that?
Dilusional Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Well for some guys, if we feel we cant "shag" you right away we may move on quickly (im afraid alot of guys do this) we see what gonna happen and if you arent "With it" or dont seem like you will be for a while, we move along (though im not this way). Also he could be talking to more then 1 girl and he found a girl who will "put out" so hes not concerend. Or he gernally could be busy and all the other assumptions im sure youve already thought about who knows, but good luck
sugarmomma Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Don't sweat it. Please don't panic and start calling him. Get busy dating other guys and you should be just fine. More fish in the sea.
Author lookingforyou Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 We still go out so it probably isn't a big deal in that we still have contact. But I really can't fathom why the calls and texts are dwindling when we seem to get on well. Of course he could be seeing other people too. I would be able to understand if his behavior changed completely but I can't understand why only the calls and texts were affected.
sugarmomma Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Sometimes men run out of things to say. They're not like women in that sense. We can talk and talk and talk. They don't need all that talking so don't take it personal. Date other guys please!
Author lookingforyou Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 His behavior is tiresome! I'm getting impatient. Guys, please don't do that to girls you're going out with. No fun for us.
walktheline Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 I've had a similar situation with the girl I'm dating. I'll freely admit that I fall in the minority of men who enjoy talking and never seem to run out of random crap to talkl about. She is a very busy girl with a full time job and is a full time student with night classes. We started dating during her holiday break and when she was between jobs and I miss the the nights where we talked for almost an hour. Now I feel lucky to get a 15 min phone conversation before she passes out at night to get up and do it again. I guess in a way it does make me appreciate what time we do get to talk.
Author lookingforyou Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 I've had a similar situation with the girl I'm dating. I'll freely admit that I fall in the minority of men who enjoy talking and never seem to run out of random crap to talkl about. She is a very busy girl with a full time job and is a full time student with night classes. We started dating during her holiday break and when she was between jobs and I miss the the nights where we talked for almost an hour. Now I feel lucky to get a 15 min phone conversation before she passes out at night to get up and do it again. I guess in a way it does make me appreciate what time we do get to talk. Actually I don't like to talk on the phone. I miss the texts more. In general, I just want some form of contact apart from the time we hang out. And I would also like the status quo because now I'm questioning why the change.
walktheline Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Actually I don't like to talk on the phone. I miss the texts more. In general, I just want some form of contact apart from the time we hang out. And I would also like the status quo because now I'm questioning why the change. It actually took an email from me to her telling her that as much as I liked her and wanted to see her again that I wasn't going to wait around for her to text me back or call again. That triggered the conversation about how busy her life had suddenly become and that it wasn't that she didn't want to spend time talking again she just has a lot more things going on that she didn't before. If you really like him then either ask him or let it go, thats the best you can do. And like someone else already said, date other guys, it's amazing how quickly you tend to forget about the last one when you find someone new.
Author lookingforyou Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 It actually took an email from me to her telling her that as much as I liked her and wanted to see her again that I wasn't going to wait around for her to text me back or call again. That triggered the conversation about how busy her life had suddenly become and that it wasn't that she didn't want to spend time talking again she just has a lot more things going on that she didn't before. If you really like him then either ask him or let it go, thats the best you can do. And like someone else already said, date other guys, it's amazing how quickly you tend to forget about the last one when you find someone new. Yes, I'm seeing other guys. But I like this guy. So it's a little difficult to put him out of my mind. Sighhhhhhhhh.
dispatch3d Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 sounds like you aren't sleeping with him? and were continuing to see other guys while dating him. So both not exclusive and not enough sexually developing, he probably assumed it was going into friends land and focused elsewhere. Also guys prefer to just meet with girls and tlak to them then. Guys don't constantly text, call each other, or talk to each other. We get together and do things. So half of this is you not understanding the difference in communication styles between guys and girls.
Author lookingforyou Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 sounds like you aren't sleeping with him? and were continuing to see other guys while dating him. So both not exclusive and not enough sexually developing, he probably assumed it was going into friends land and focused elsewhere. Also guys prefer to just meet with girls and tlak to them then. Guys don't constantly text, call each other, or talk to each other. We get together and do things. So half of this is you not understanding the difference in communication styles between guys and girls. I actually get that guys don't always like to chat like girls do. But I sense the difference and that's what's puzzling me.
OldSkool Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 sounds like you aren't sleeping with him? and were continuing to see other guys while dating him. So both not exclusive and not enough sexually developing, he probably assumed it was going into friends land and focused elsewhere. ^ This ^ I would add that he probably values you as a friend and does not want to completely sever the connection, but why try to build emotional intimacy through regular communication when there is little (perceived) chance of physical intimacy developing.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 lot of guys chiming in; let me offer an alternative perspective. when I know I've had an impact, I'll back off sometimes. I'm doing that now with a girl I'm seeing. went out last Sunday, she had an awesome time and I'd love to take things to the next level, but... I want her to come to me. I only texted her once since Sun. which is abnormal. some guys will plan moves in advance. if your beau is such a character, he's waiting on a signal from you to spring the next phase of the plan. the reason I'm backing off is I want her to miss me. I want her to compare her experiences without me to the ones she's had with me; cause I know I'll win. also, the girl I'm seeing is at the tail end of a relationship with her bf, so I really want her to compare us. your beau may be doing the same. hit him up and see. hint at asking him out. text him "I'm starving." that's all I'm waiting for on my end... once I get something from her, or even if she suggests one thing, I'll tell her I can't make that, but instead we should do "X", X being that thing/place that provides me the venue I need to try moving things to the next level. just shoot him a text. if you like him; try it.
OldSkool Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 also, the girl I'm seeing is at the tail end of a relationship with her bf, so I really want her to compare us. FWIW, I think you are comparing apples to oranges. If the girl you are pursuing is still in a relationship (tail end or not) there are an entirely different set of protocols that apply.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 FWIW, I think you are comparing apples to oranges. If the girl you are pursuing is still in a relationship (tail end or not) there are an entirely different set of protocols that apply. not necessarily. I offered my primary reason for sitting back and waiting in this case (so she could compare); but it isn't the only reason this tactic is used. guys do this all the time to avoid appearing needy and to stir up the perception that they've been busy doing other things. the motive may change but the prescription's the same - sit back and wait. just look, it's working rather well on OP; wouldn't you say? and re: protocols, I don't think they're all that different in my particular case. I'll keep it breif, as not to thread jack, but my girl's fed up with her bf (& when a girl's fed up, there is no undoing it - even if she sticks around). all the bf has to do is be himself and he's assisting me. I've done enough seed planting. she'd have dinner with me tonight if I asked her, but I figure she'll come when ready. if not, I'll hit her up if it takes her longer than 2 weeks. if I lose out, oh well; no biggy. I think OP should text this guy she's interested in.
depplover_1980 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I suspect he just got heavy with the phone to build the interest up to a meet and now you are hanging and comfortable he doesn't feel the need. My man is very similar to this and it can be frustrating but he is not a big talker (more a thinker in fact!) but when he does call every 2/3 days we have a great time for 20mins then done and have a wonderful time face to face. Slowly I am respecting his wishes and accepting that he is different and it feels good. Just ask him out again and you'll find out the answer!!
Author lookingforyou Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 I just noticed that he's been "testing" me with questions so I sensed he wanted to ask me out but was waiting for my green light, as ConflictedGuy27 suggested. I don't want to come across as too forward because I really don't know whether he just treats me as a good friend he likes or that he wants something more. I know nobody likes rejection but on top of that I'm sensitive and headstrong when it comes to relationships. I need to know for sure before I do anything more. I know I'll get a lot of criticism for saying that but that's how I am at this stage with this guy. I sense I would do something a little more, like talk about an event I want to go to or a new restaurant but I'm not willing to do more than that or anything more blatant.
Author lookingforyou Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 I suspect he just got heavy with the phone to build the interest up to a meet and now you are hanging and comfortable he doesn't feel the need. My man is very similar to this and it can be frustrating but he is not a big talker (more a thinker in fact!) but when he does call every 2/3 days we have a great time for 20mins then done and have a wonderful time face to face. Slowly I am respecting his wishes and accepting that he is different and it feels good. Just ask him out again and you'll find out the answer!! But at least your guy still calls you, right?
AverageJoe Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 His behavior is tiresome! I'm getting impatient. Guys, please don't do that to girls you're going out with. No fun for us. I do it all the time. Because, it gets results.
Author lookingforyou Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 I do it all the time. Because, it gets results. This is one of the reasons why I don't want to do my part to encourage it! I know it shouldn't be games and I don't like games but I really don't want to be the one that took the "bait."
BobSacamento Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Usually when I stop calling or texting it means I've lost interest or found someone else who I feel more compatible with. Don't sit around waiting by the phone...why waste your time?
AverageJoe Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 This is one of the reasons why I don't want to do my part to encourage it! I know it shouldn't be games and I don't like games but I really don't want to be the one that took the "bait." Understood. Then you don't. Simple. Move on. There is always someone else around the corner willing to do the heavy lifting.
D-Lish Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Instead of worrying and waiting, just keep doing what you're doing and living your life as you always have. Keep dating others, keep your options open. Sometimes, behaviour like this is game playing or baiting, it could also be that he's not ready to invest too much. Usually, a guy will amp up the communication when he's really interested, so it's also possible he's on the fence regarding where he wants things to go. I wouldn't ask him what's going on, or try to compensate by asking him out and reaching out to him more- because it's too soon to put that kind of pressure on a person. If he's not showing the right amount of interest, you don't have to wait, you have the option to move on. It's not always an easy decision to make when you like someone- but sometimes you have to like yourself first and make choices that although not easy to make, make the most sense when it comes to your own well being.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 ...or quit your guessing & just call/text him. there's really no need to do all this silly worrying, mumbo jumbo. call/text, say how you feel & get your answer.
Recommended Posts