500daysofsummer Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 (edited) About a year and a half ago I cheated on the love of my life. Even worse, I was her first boyfriend and I cheated on her with my ex-girlfriend. It's been a long time since we broke up and I still haven't moved on. We tried to no contact each other but I keep giving in and contacting her. I still love her with all of my heart and I still believe that she's "the one." It's apparent that she still has feelings for me (even after a year we still like to talk on the phone/video chat for hours each night) but she said that she will never get back with me because of what happened. I know for a fact that I will never, never cheat on her again and I can kind of sense that she believes me but she can't forget what happened and won't get past the insecurity. This kills me because I am determined to earn her trust again and to show her that I am a changed person. Since we broke up she went out with two guys and broke up with both of them. I've talked to a few girls but nothing serious. I felt guilty for dating other girls because I didn't want to jeopardize any chance I had with my ex. My question is: how do you stay strong during the no contact period? A part of me doesn't want to let go and move on but another side of me knows that I need to. Do I need a rebound girlfriend? The websites say to remember the bad times you had with your ex. I really tried hard but I couldn't think of any bad quality of her and I couldn't think of any bad times I had with her. Sure we had our little arguments here and there but for the most part we were completely happy and in love with each other. Thinking of bad things won't work for me. Thanks for reading. I'd appreciate any advice or any personal stories you all can share. Edited January 12, 2011 by 500daysofsummer
coltsfan1 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 you have to let her leave man, I live with the same regret. i loved a woman with all my heart and my foolish desire to see if i still had it crushed her. we tried for almost two years to work it out and it just never happened I changed but she couldn't forgive me. you know what happened in the end? she was physically abusive to me and then cheated on me with a married man for who knows how long. Best advice I can give you is turn her loose you never know what the future holds.
FreeToBe Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 500 (Great movie by the way) - Here's the deal... If you want any chance to get back together with her, you really must cut off contact with her. Two things are happening right now... First, she is not getting the chance to miss you because you are still in contact with her. Sure, she has lost the physical aspects of your prior relationship, but she is clearly still connected with you (perhaps only at a friend level, but it doesn't sound like that to me). Second, you are not getting the chance to forget about her and move on. You probably have a one-track mind right now... gotta get her back... gotta get her back... gotta get her back. Stop. Move on and become a better person. No one knows what the future will bring, but stop holding on to a pining, painful hope that it will be. Go no contact and become a better person. It may take a year, or two, or a 20 years, but you will forget about her if you work on yourself. You are closing yourself off to other opportunities by holding on to someone who has made her choice already. Perhaps after a period of NC she will realize what she has lost and return, perhaps not. Either way, you will be a better man and with her or over her. Life is too short to hold on to what is already lost. There are millions of women in this world - each one unique and special in her own way. Are you really so blind to think you could only love one of them? The odds are strongly against that way of thinking... Good luck.
Author 500daysofsummer Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 you're absolute right freetobe. i am in that one-track mind of i gotta get her back. it's just so hard because i do want her back but i don't want her back if she doesn't want it as bad as i do. that is why i am ready to move on. and you're right that i will be a better man with or without her by NCing her. but it's just sometimes the past creeps up on me and i get really down and i miss her like crazy. other times i am positive and i don't feel the need to contact her. but it's just sometimes the urge is too hard to fight and i end up giving in. but i KNOW that i need to NC her. but it's hard to shut someone out of your life when you think that she's the one for you.
threebyfate Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Look at it a different way. Had you really loved her, would you honestly have risked losing her by cheating? I would say...nope. Whatever she represents to you now, it's not necessarily about love. It's about how you feel inside about yourself and if you can get her back, she respresents a return of your self-respect. Do both of you a favour. Put your head down and move on. But I will question how much you've really changed if you're willing to use another girl to be your rebound girl to get over your ex.
shamone222 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 im in a very similar situation that you, i also did the stupid thing of cheating (but just kissing, no sex). she found out and it was her who wanted to cut contact, not me, so i begged and pleaded to work on trust and she's having none of it. wer broken up for 2 months, and almost into a month of no contact (been together for 3.5 years). i do always get the urge to contact her but i havnt. it ended badly, lots of name calling and abuse. but after a month of NC now i feel better so you should do it aswel, your only going to torture yourself by staying in contact. the reality is she has made up her mind and only her can change her mind. iv been working on myself, working out alot and working on my aprearence.. and it works!! and yes i am in a rebound at the moment, and im very confused by it so a rebound wouldnt be the best option in my opinion if your not over her. sure its good to have a little fun with another girl to get your mind off things and help you move on, but when it starts getting serious like when you start meeting up once every week then thats when you have to put a stop to it. if the rebound doesnt know she's a rebound it gets messy, youl have to tell her.. i havnt done that yet but will have to soon. so the only way you can find out if your ex ever wants you back is to be out of her life completely! NC at all and no meeting up. i still love my ex alot but after reading some posts here my stratagy is this, if she ever reaches out to me im not going to reply, she said she wanted me out of her life forever and that she hates me, so im going to give her her wish. when the dust settles i know for a fact she will reach out at some point cus we were the best of friends for years before hand, but she mite just want to be friends by then so i will be ignoring her unless she gives obvious signs about getting back togther. you should do the same, looks like we are in the same boat!
Author 500daysofsummer Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 yeah shamone i guess we're in the same boat. well after a year since i cheated on her she FINALLY forgave me. we talked about how we wanted to get married and start a family. and then we agreed to NC because she still isn't open to the possibility for discussing our relationship again. we both agreed to NC, and that of course started the waterworks with her. she cried but we both agreed to NC. it kind of feels like we finally have closure to us. we still love each other and she might change her mind but i'm not going to hold my breath. i've already tried and waited for too long, it's time to move on. hoping for the best but expecting the worst
shamone222 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 a year and a half is a long long wait man! i feel for you! im very glad i read this post cus it made it clear to me that i shouldnt wait or hope for anything. a part of me believes she will forgive me and still loves me but the other part believes the complete oposite, so im tryin my best not to think or worry about it. just taking it one day at a time and moving on. if only we can rewind time! lol
Author 500daysofsummer Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 yeah man, only we know how big of a mistake we made and how sorry we are. the only thing we can do it become stronger and not let it happen again. you said it best in your last post when you said that only she can change her mind. just gotta stay strong with the NC. it's a win win situation. either she wants to come back to you or you move and meet someone else.
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