Cassandra92 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Does anybody else do this? I feel like I am living in two places, the present and the past. I sit there and think about things that happened only a few short weeks ago, when things were good. I can see them playing out in my head, complete with minor details that completely break my heart to think about, but I can't stop. For example, I think: This time two months ago, we were on holiday. We were lying on the beach, and I felt so happy and in love. I would never have suspected then that now I would feel so utterly broken and alone. I feel like I don't know that person in my memories anymore, or myself for that matter. The only way I can best describe it is it's like there is a parallel universe out there somewhere. If anybody has seen the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, sometimes I wish I could just erase all my memories of him like that. Other times I take a kind of perverse comfort in remembering the good things, like for just a moment I can forget and feel just a fraction of that happiness again. And then of course, I remember. I'm completely torturing myself!
KYoung2200 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I do exactly what you have described, but then I add on: "But this would have happened now or later. Since it happened now, I can begin the healing process much sooner."
Author Cassandra92 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 I do exactly what you have described, but then I add on: "But this would have happened now or later. Since it happened now, I can begin the healing process much sooner." I'm still waiting for that kind of resolve haha. The worst thing is things aren't completely over between us, we are both still hanging on in this kind of ghost-relationship. But things will never be like they were before, and that's what kills me the most.
KYoung2200 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Fight for it if you believe it can improve. But only if you TRULY believe it can improve. If you really believe that things can never be the same again, then there is no use hanging on to the relationship. Don't wait for him to make the move. Be dominant and in control; make the move yourself. You will feel better about it.
Akumark Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I'm totaly like that too and I'm still pretty doing it from my last relation. However it happened to me before and it went off so I keep hope.
january2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Yes, I still get the mind movies after triggering. But they have tended towards the "perverse comfort in remembering the good things" rather than pangs of sadness and stabs to the heart. I don't want to erase my memories though. I'd like to keep them like snowglobe villages in my heart where time cannot touch them nor dim their perfection. I can take them out when I need to and smile at them before putting them away again.
Author Cassandra92 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 Yes, I still get the mind movies after triggering. But they have tended towards the "perverse comfort in remembering the good things" rather than pangs of sadness and stabs to the heart. I don't want to erase my memories though. I'd like to keep them like snowglobe villages in my heart where time cannot touch them nor dim their perfection. I can take them out when I need to and smile at them before putting them away again. That's a really positive way to look at it. I am trying to be thankful for the good things we had and to make sure I remember the love we had (or have) for each other.
january2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 That's a really positive way to look at it. I am trying to be thankful for the good things we had and to make sure I remember the love we had (or have) for each other. Listening to the songs on the your break up songs thread, currently on Frisky's Whitney, actually puts a smile on my face. I'm in a funny kinda mood at the moment. Neither deeply sad not ecstatically happy.
I have no title Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 This is completely normal, everyone has it. It is called "healing", and while you're healing, your heart and soul still hurts, and all these thoughts go away naturally...You can help it by telling yourself to not to think about it, or even if you can't help yourself from thinking about it, don't think about the good things! think about the bad times, the bad charater features your ex has, think about things you do not like in him... That might help, because you forget to think about the memories and it doesn't hurt anymore. You can only think about memories when you are 100% healed, but when you are 100% healed you are not eager to think about them anymore, because they dont have that sweet-killing effect on you anymore.
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