zengirl Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Even if the man makes more money, the women should pay for some things from time to time so that the man feels as though the women is "invested" in the relationship/dating in some way. A lot of women will go out with men just because they are bored or want someone to pay for their entertainment. Making a woman pay sometimes can help filter out people like this. The "making" part sounds odd, of course, but yes, it's reasonable to assume that it shouldn't be entirely one-sided, even if income is greater on one side. I agree.
MyNameIsJonas Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 My current GF paid for our third date (ice skating and dinner), and picked up dinner the other night after she offered (it was also her choice for food). Other than that, I've paid, but we aren't in the habit of going out to incredibly expensive meals ($20-30 - no booze). We've been out 8 times and are "exclusive." That being said, I've planned two rather expensive meals in the next two weeks (dinner before her friend's party and DC restaurant week, respectively) and I intend to pay for both since I planned both. I normally intend to pay if I plan the date for two reasons: 1) I was brought up to be "old fashioned" and 2) In this specific circumstance, I know my GF is trying to pay down her credit cards and I would rather her do that than ensure we are 50/50 with dating finances. We also have a open relationship in terms of communication so I know if she wants to pick up the bill or is uncomfortable with me paying for everything, she'll say something.
Chicago_Guy Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 The "making" part sounds odd, of course, but yes, it's reasonable to assume that it shouldn't be entirely one-sided, even if income is greater on one side. I agree. You are correct - I don't necessarily mean forcing the woman to pay. However, when a woman offers to pay from time to time (and it is a genuine offer), men definitely do appreciate the offer.
zengirl Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 You are correct - I don't necessarily mean forcing the woman to pay. However, when a woman offers to pay from time to time (and it is a genuine offer), men definitely do appreciate the offer. Yes, I knew what you meant, I thought. Generally, with my BF, I just buy tickets or grab a round of drinks or something. If I offer, he's going to say, "No." But I like to chip in every now and then anyway, and I'm sure he appreciates the sentiment.
MJ2 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 it's ****ty when a man lets his date pay! I think it's classless and rude.
Sanman Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 it's ****ty when a man lets his date pay! I think it's classless and rude. I would disagree. I think it is ***ty for either party to be a freeloader. Just because a gf or date paid for something does not mean a man has/will not pay for others.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 it's ****ty when a man lets his date pay! I think it's classless and rude. Yes Princess... give us poor peasants a lecture on what is classless and rude. We need to be taught how to serve your needs properly.
musemaj111 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 When a man and a woman make similar income, what could be the logical reason for any side to EXPECT the other side to pay for both shares? Isnt that pretty rude and stingy? I wonder if such people have a lot of friends. I bet they are also probably those people who always complain to be broke so their friends will pay for them when they hang out together even though their friends work and make as much as them.
donnamaybe Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 When a man and a woman make similar income, what could be the logical reason for any side to EXPECT the other side to pay for both shares?The only logical conclusion is there is greed involved.
Mad Max Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 If you ask someone out/invite them somewhere, expecting the other person to pay is tacky at best and flat out disrespectful at worst. If someone asks me out, I do expect them to pay. It doesn't mean I won't offer, but if they expect me to pay because I'm the man(and especially if they asked me out to begin with), there will be no second date.
sally4sara Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 If you ask someone out/invite them somewhere, expecting the other person to pay is tacky at best and flat out disrespectful at worst. If someone asks me out, I do expect them to pay. It doesn't mean I won't offer, but if they expect me to pay because I'm the man(and especially if they asked me out to begin with), there will be no second date. It doesn't matter who asked, expecting your costs to be covered when you didn't have to go in the first place is an entitled attitude. Ever invite a friend to go to a show with you? Did you do so expecting to pay for their ticket, drinks and food? Ever go to a play one of your friends suggested you'd also enjoy going to, did you go with no money? Did they get you in on their own dime? If I ask someone to consider going some place with me that cost money to participate in, all I'm asking of them is "Hey if you can afford it and would enjoy having company while you're there, I'm going to be there too; we can see if we enjoy spending time together."
Mad Max Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 It doesn't matter who asked, expecting your costs to be covered when you didn't have to go in the first place is an entitled attitude. Ever invite a friend to go to a show with you? Did you do so expecting to pay for their ticket, drinks and food? Ever go to a play one of your friends suggested you'd also enjoy going to, did you go with no money? Did they get you in on their own dime? If I ask someone to consider going some place with me that cost money to participate in, all I'm asking of them is "Hey if you can afford it and would enjoy having company while you're there, I'm going to be there too; we can see if we enjoy spending time together." And that is the attitude shown by several posters in this thread. It would be the same thing if someone invited you to their house. Would you show up with nothing? Of course not. You would bring a cake, dessert, or something like that. If I invite a friend somewhere, I expect to pay. Of course, my friends would never let me do that, but the fact that I invited them is implied that I'm paying.
soserious1 Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 I pay for all dates, it's easier, there are no misunderstandings and I'm not left feeling like I owe a guy anything aside from thanking him for the pleasure of his company. Btw,ladies, you can discretely grab the waiter & hand him/her your CC during the meal and request that the entire tab be put on it. It's a classy move and eliminates that awkward reach for the wallet move that many men regard as "fake" When the man calls for the check only to hear the waiter quietly say "The bill has already been taken care of Sir" the smile you'll get is usually 1000 watt
stillafool Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 (edited) Even if the man makes more money, the women should pay for some things from time to time so that the man feels as though the women is "invested" in the relationship/dating in some way. A lot of women will go out with men just because they are bored or want someone to pay for their entertainment. Making a woman pay sometimes can help filter out people like this. I agree. What if a girl doesn't have a lot of money, is cooking for him seen as the same thing? When men didn't let me pay, I would invite them over to a home cooked meal. Edited January 16, 2011 by stillafool
Analeigh Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I think that many of these customs evolved when people didn't date many people over many years, and the woman's family usually paid for a wedding. Almost all dating lead to marriage. These days people get married much later, they date many more people, and most of them pay for their own weddings. As such, I think the "man always pays no matter what" is outdated and a little unfair, although it is very nice to be paid for because it makes me feel taken care of and cherished.
Els Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 (edited) Dont you think thats a self-centered attitude though? Oh come on. Plenty of men have said much the same thing on these boards, namely, "I don't require sex early but it'd be nice if I got it", "I don't require a hot woman but it'd be awesome if I had one", "I don't require my gf to cook for me but it'd be nice if she did", etc. Are you going to bitch at them because that's a 'self-centered attitude'? You're just finding fault with everyone here who does not agree with your very inflexible attitude of 'Everything MUST be 50.00000/50.00000, anything other than that means there is something wrong with the people involved even if they and their SO are happy'. I sure hope they find a way to share the burden of pregnancy and labour 50/50 between the mother and father before you ever procreate, then. Edited January 17, 2011 by Elswyth
soserious1 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 [quote name=musemaj What do you mean? [/quote] What do I mean? I am a woman who pays for ALL dates, during dinner I excuse myself to go powder my nose, en route to the rest room, I grab the waiter, slip him my credit card and pay for the entire meal, including drinks and a generous tip. When the man calls for the check the waiter politely tells him "sir the matter has been attended to" the smiles men give me in those situations are 1000 watts bright, they like it
Els Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 So you are perfectly fine with women expecting men to pay for them after the intro period, but not fine with women saying it's nice for men to pay for the first few dates? You are strange, my friend. Stop with the penis excuse. It's like a woman saying her stomach wants free food, but not herself.
Els Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 All I said was that its strange to expect a complete stranger to pay for your food and entertainment especially if that person doesnt even make any more than you do. Of COURSE it is. The poster you quoted specifically said she did not EXPECT the guy to pay because she felt expecting such, as you say, is unfair. She merely said it would be a nice gesture if he paid. Just like I'm sure any man would find it a nice gesture if his girl cooked for him. Seriously. Do you even read people's posts or do you automatically launch into defensive mode with anyone whose opinion differs from yours?
Els Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Haha, okay you are right. Yeah, that's what you said the last time I said this, before you raised the topic all over again a day or two after that. I sometimes wonder if you could be GooseChaser's less polite clone.
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