donnamaybe Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Plenty. But, that's besides the point. I can knit a scarf (I could probably knit a scar too, but the stitching would be a little messier than if you went to the doc), crochet an afghan, and cook like nobody's business. Any guys wanna buy me dinner? I kid!
Sanman Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 First of all, I would NEVER eat at a restaurant like that. Those restaurants are for fools with too much money who have a pathetic need to be SEEN in a restaurant like that. Actually, I already knew where the line was. I didn't have to learn it the hard way. See, I feel that there is a disconnect between men and women on this issue because there are many outside factors that affect how one will react. While I have no issue paying for dates or a gf, I don't like the expectation. There also needs to be some respect for what others can afford. The best way I can think is of this is my last two ex-gfs. Both were students who also worked. I work as well, but am a resident and most of my income goes to bills and student loans. The first ex-gf never tried to go to any fancy NYC places and we both liked little ethnic places and cheaper plays/concerts ($20-40). We paid for dates about evenly, but I often bought her gifts just because I had the cash and appreciated her. When we broke up it was amicable and she even asked if I wanted my gifts back. I told her that I bought them for her to enjoy and wanted her to do just that. My most recent ex routinely wanted to go places that cost $100+ even though neither of us could afford it because her friends were going (who made more than us). Furthermore, she expected me to pay most of the time because I was the man and rarely voiced her appreciation because, according to her, it was unnecessary. On an occasion that she paid for me and some friends of hers, she emptied out her bank account and I ended up paying over $150 the following week to cover her groceries, cigarettes, etc and our next date because she had no money. It got to the point where I had to tell her I needed money from her if she wanted to keep going to these places and expensive trips. We even had a fight after our breakup over the fact that she owed me several hundred dollars (that she agreed to pay beforehand) for a trip we took together. The truth of the matter was, that I felt I wasn't getting much out of the relationship and her attitude that nothing I did was good enough turned me from a generous person to a petty person. I have no doubt that she thinks I am a cheap a**hole, but she put me in that position by constantly insisting that we both live beyond our means. I should never have let her get away with that. I think most men just want to know that their efforts are appreciated rather than an expectation if they want a woman's company. I never expect a woman to pay for me and I should not be EXPECTED to pay for her because we should both be enjoying each others company. Similarly, I do not expect sex unless a woman wants to have sex with me. I want to feel like more than a wallet and a handyman. With me, when the offer has been there, money was no object. When the expectation is there that I need to be paying for her or doing certain things, I feel no need to spend my money or be generous.
donnamaybe Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Guy pays, no matter what. It doesn't matter where, when, why or how... but the guy pays.Princess complex. And so many women wonder why so many guys are bitter.
donnamaybe Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 See, I feel that there is a disconnect between men and women on this issue because there are many outside factors that affect how one will react. Did you read my entire discourse on the subject with UF?
Love Letter Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 You can say whatever you want, but guy is supposed to be the one bringing food to the table in home, so why not during dates? Women are lil' princesses that need some care:love: By the way, never take your girl to restourant, thats such ancient method. I prefer movies and diffrent activities depending on the girl. Horses, dogs, cats... Every f**king single girl was swarming around me when my dog was a puppy
zengirl Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 See, I feel that there is a disconnect between men and women on this issue because there are many outside factors that affect how one will react. While I have no issue paying for dates or a gf, I don't like the expectation. There also needs to be some respect for what others can afford. Well, yes, of course, men don't like to feel like a walking ATM. I get that. But if the relationship is sincere, and there's simply a disparity of income, that's a totally different story. As for the $100 restaurants, I don't get it. I mean, on a special occasion, I think my boyfriend and I had maybe an evening (dinner and wine) that cost that much, for both of us. Now I get different areas are more expensive, but $100/plate or $100 tabs even on a regular basis. . . I just don't understand those things. I can get a really great meal for two, with wine/beer, for under $30 + tip, at so many restaurants, and free/cheap tickets to local events. I would think that men/women who went to those more expensive places would be incompatible with people like me, in general. I don't understand those folks at all.
donnamaybe Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 You can say whatever you want, but guy is supposed to be the one bringing food to the table in home, so why not during dates? Women are lil' princesses that need some care:love: By the way, never take your girl to restourant, thats such ancient method. I prefer movies and diffrent activities depending on the girl. Horses, dogs, cats... Every f**king single girl was swarming around me when my dog was a puppy I think the year 1955 is looking for you!
Sanman Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Well, yes, of course, men don't like to feel like a walking ATM. I get that. But if the relationship is sincere, and there's simply a disparity of income, that's a totally different story. As for the $100 restaurants, I don't get it. I mean, on a special occasion, I think my boyfriend and I had maybe an evening (dinner and wine) that cost that much, for both of us. Now I get different areas are more expensive, but $100/plate or $100 tabs even on a regular basis. . . I just don't understand those things. I can get a really great meal for two, with wine/beer, for under $30 + tip, at so many restaurants, and free/cheap tickets to local events. I would think that men/women who went to those more expensive places would be incompatible with people like me, in general. I don't understand those folks at all. It was usually $100 tabs for drinks and tapas/appetizers and then you needed to eat elsewhere anyway because you were still hungry or pricey NYC clubs. I have realized that those types of people are incompatible with me as well. The first as last time I enter into a relationship like that. It doesn't allow me to be my best self.
Jannah Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 I can knit a scarf (I could probably knit a scar too, but the stitching would be a little messier than if you went to the doc), crochet an afghan, and cook like nobody's business. Any guys wanna buy me dinner? I kid! See? That's what I'm talking about!! muse missed his chance :bunny:
donnamaybe Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 It was usually $100 tabs for drinks and tapas/appetizers and then you needed to eat elsewhere anyway because you were still hungry or pricey NYC clubs. I have realized that those types of people are incompatible with me as well. The first as last time I enter into a relationship like that. It doesn't allow me to be my best self. I can think of a LOT better things to do with $100.
Sanman Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Did you read my entire discourse on the subject with UF? I did read your discourse (not sure if I read all of it). I agreed with most of your points actually. I was simply trying to make the point that not all women think as you and some of the other female posters in this thread do. I would gladly take you, or any considerate woman, out and gladly pay for something within my means to have a good time. I would like to think that most men would. However, there are women who are princesses or prefer a guy take a traditional gender role without wanting to have to live in a traditional gender role themselves. There are many who want me to wine and dine them before even getting to know them on a few dates. Those are the types of women I think most men have an issue with. My ex wanted to know why she would have to wait for us to be in a serious relationship or engaged/married before I would consider treating her to a $5000 vacation. Am I missing your point here or was that it?
carhill Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 However, there are women who are princesses or prefer a guy take a traditional gender role without wanting to have to live in a traditional gender role themselves. There are many who want me to wine and dine them before even getting to know them on a few dates. One simple protocol is to accept who they are, deem them incompatible, and move on without prejudice. There is a man for them. Trust it to be so
Sanman Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 (edited) One simple protocol is to accept who they are, deem them incompatible, and move on without prejudice. There is a man for them. Trust it to be so Absolutely, I am learning that quickly. It was a mistake for me to believe that we could overcome that incompatibility in our relationship. I am being much pickier this time around. EDIT: Donna, I just saw the other thread that UF posted. Edited January 12, 2011 by Sanman
musemaj111 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 (edited) No, but on a first date this guy picked me up in a Lincoln and, on the way to the Space Needle for dinner, he pulled a wad of cash out of the glovebox and showed it to me, I assume to impress me. He lost HUGE points with that one, and I never went out with him again. Did you go out with a rapper who keeps a huge stack of cash in his back pocket? dunno why this is always such a fire fight on LS. I'm a guy; I like girls; I take girls to dinner that I want to see naked; I feed them surf & turf; I pay; they like that I paid; odds of them getting naked are boosted. it's not rocket science people. guys, seriously, pay. it never hurts to pay her way. What if seeing her naked is not my priority? Based on your logic, you are not dating. You are paying for hookers. In fact, I make more money than my sweety, and because of that I pay more on our dates. But he doesnt EXPECT you to pay for him. Thats difference between men paying for women and women paying for men. I never ever met a guy who thinks that a woman should pay for him. I know guys who would be happy if women paid for them. But I dont know a single one who expects a woman to pay for him. Edited January 13, 2011 by musemaj111
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 (edited) What if seeing her naked is not my priority? then your heterosexuality's suspect... Based on your logic, you are not dating. You are paying for hookers. nope; I see how you arrived there, though. I'd agree with you if in fact I wanted to see hookers naked (& could tell, 100% of the time that a girl I was taking to dinner isn't a hooker). prostitutes turn me off though, personally. Edited January 13, 2011 by ConflictedGuy27
musemaj111 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 (edited) then your heterosexuality's suspect... Haha, yea but Im a romantic, man. When I love a woman, my emotional feelings supersede my sexual feelings. If I only see a woman as a sex object, I dont care if she only sees me as a walking ATM because in turn I only see her as a sperm bank also. Edited January 13, 2011 by musemaj111
donnamaybe Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Did you go out with a rapper who keeps a huge stack of cash in his back pocket? Nope. A skinny white guy who was in the Army who either knew how to save his money or was dabbling in drug sales. Either way, showing me a roll of bills is a sure fire way of making you look like some kind of ass hat.
EasyHeart Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 See, I feel that there is a disconnect between men and women on this issue because there are many outside factors that affect how one will react. While I have no issue paying for dates or a gf, I don't like the expectation. Well, yes, of course, men don't like to feel like a walking ATM. I get that. But if the relationship is sincere, and there's simply a disparity of income, that's a totally different story. As for the $100 restaurants, I don't get it. I mean, on a special occasion, I think my boyfriend and I had maybe an evening (dinner and wine) that cost that much, for both of us. Now I get different areas are more expensive, but $100/plate or $100 tabs even on a regular basis. . . I just don't understand those things. I can get a really great meal for two, with wine/beer, for under $30 + tip, at so many restaurants, and free/cheap tickets to local events. I would think that men/women who went to those more expensive places would be incompatible with people like me, in general. I don't understand those folks at all. I also have no problem with paying the tab, but I don't like the expectation. Even on a first date, which I expect to pay for, it's nice for a woman to offer. If she doesn't, I don't hold it against her, but if she does, I notice. IME, the price of dates has less to do with income disparity that with lifestyle disparity. I make a good living and have no problem dropping $200 for dinner every now and then, and I could afford to do it more often. But I'm pretty frugal and for me these types of events are special occasions, not regular occurrences. I've dated women who make significantly less money than I do and women who make comparable money to me, but the kind of dates they expect doesn't seem to be linked to their income. Some higher-income women expect expensive dates, some don't. Some offer to pay every-other date, some don't; some lower income women seem to expect expensive dates, some don't; some offer to pay (at least for the cheap dates!) and some don't. I'm in the group that thinks this sort of thing is a compatibility issue and should be treated as such. If I'm dating a woman who thinks $200 dinners are routine, then I don't think we are going to be compatible in the long run, regardless of who pays. To me, frankly, where I go on a date is pretty much irrelevant; what I care about is who I'm with. I want a woman who thinks the same way.
amerikajin Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Before I got married, my rule was, whoever asked out, paid. Usually, I was the one asking out, so I paid. After about the second or third date, though, I think a woman should offer to pay for something, even if it's just coffee after a movie or something like that. It's not the amount that matters, it's the gesture.
stillafool Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Guy pays, no matter what. It doesn't matter where, when, why or how... but the guy pays. Why must the guy always pay no matter what?
carhill Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Why must the guy always pay no matter what? For women with that particular mindset, that a man must pay no matter what, he is simply deemed incompatible and unattractive if he doesn't meet the standard. It's a particular relationship style. IMO it's not right or wrong. No one is harmed if the woman decides such matters based on the man's ability to or interest in paying. Life goes on.
waynebrady Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Why must the guy always pay no matter what? Because the guy is always the one to ask the woman out. And the only right thing is that the one who asks the other one out also pays... If a woman asks a guy out then shure, she could pay atleast for herself but that's irrelevant since women never do ask guys out or plan activities/dates with their boyfriends.
donnamaybe Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 women never do ask guys out or plan activities/dates with their boyfriends.For a guy who has never had a GF, you sure THINK you know a lot about women.
Els Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 For women with that particular mindset, that a man must pay no matter what, he is simply deemed incompatible and unattractive if he doesn't meet the standard. It's a particular relationship style. IMO it's not right or wrong. No one is harmed if the woman decides such matters based on the man's ability to or interest in paying. Life goes on. I second this, really. I don't get why some men are so riled up about women choosing partners in this way, when they themselves discount a partner based on her breasts, or her face, or her dress. While I disagree with both, finding such an attitude to be shallow of myself, I understand that others may differ in their opinions, and I do believe the women are no worse than the abovementioned men.
Chicago_Guy Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Even if the man makes more money, the women should pay for some things from time to time so that the man feels as though the women is "invested" in the relationship/dating in some way. A lot of women will go out with men just because they are bored or want someone to pay for their entertainment. Making a woman pay sometimes can help filter out people like this.
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