J0N Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) So… you really loved your ex only to find out that they don’t want you anymore. They cheated on you? They didn’t give you any concrete reasons? You have no explanation? After recently going through the worst break up of my life, I am writing this to show how I at least got started getting over my ex. Here are the steps: 1. Handle all final business, i.e. return their stuff, resolve any financial issues, etc. Do so quickly. (all gifts are the property of the receiver, with the exception of engagement rings) 2. Initiate NC (No Contact), do not call, contact, email them for any reason whatsoever (if you have a child with this person, keep any and all communication brief and STRICTLY about the kids) 3. Box up all gifts, love letters, or anything else that reminds you of your ex. either put it away somewhere for a long time or throw it away. 4. Go into your Facebook (if you have one) and de-friend immediately, delete emails, texts, phone numbers, everything. NO YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS. 5. Find a breakup buddy(s) who you can talk to instead of contacting your ex; also you can post on LS. 6. Get involved in something new, social group, club hobby, gym, etc. If you follow these simple steps, a few things will happen your ex will begin to fade from your life. You will shift the focus to YOU and begin to move forward with your life and heal. If this even matters at all, your ex will at least respect you for having the fortitude to move on with your life. This will give you the greatest chance of reconciling in the future, though it is not guaranteed. Trying to beg, plead, etc will only make you look pathetic in your ex’s eyes and drive him/her further away. Do not try to get revenge on your ex that will only come off as creepy and could get you into serious trouble with the law. This whole process is really a roller coaster at times, you are going to feel like ^&%$ at times, but eventually you WILL move on and be a happy single person who is ready to meet and love someone new. Any opinions or additions to this are welcome. - J0N Edited January 11, 2011 by J0N
Colorless Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I agree with this a lot. It's just hard sometimes, because how do you go from being with someone everyday and sharing that close physical bond, to having nothing at all? How do you be ok with just surrounding yourself with "friends"? It's insanely difficult to go from feeling like you have so much, to having nothing. That pain is so evil.
IM5150 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Colorless, I agree with you here and that's the step that i know I have to take and I keep pushing it off. I can't fathom not talking to my x anymore. Like you said, we talk everyday, we hang out. We even hold hands and kiss from time to time but we don't have sex because we are not together. Its sooo frustrating. I really don't know what she wants from me and I'm afraid to ask because I don't want to here it from the horses mouth trying to hold on to some hope. But I'm realizing that every time I spend time with her I just continue to torture myself. While we were together today her phone rang, she answered, told whoever was on the phone that she would call this person back later. I didn't ask who it was but it was burning me inside and she knows it. She's can see right through me. I'm tired of feeling like this around her, I want it to stop and the only way that I know how is to stop having contact with her as hard as it sounds. I'm just so afraid to not have her in my life. I hate feeling lonely. Its like I accept the pain as long as she's still around, it's sick!
Distant78 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Maintain NC and keep your mind occupied by whatever means necessary. MAINTAIN NC no matter how hard it is. It's natural to think about what happened in the relationship and/or the dumper multiple times but don't let it take over your life. Keep that chin up and move with swagg and you'll be fine. And don't forget, MAINTAIN NC and DO NOT LOOK ON HIS/HER FACEBOOK PROFILE, no matter how curious you are. NOTHING GOOD WILL COME OUT OF IT and you'll only HURT YOURSELF MORE. And DON'T FORGET: MAINTAIN NC!!!!!
Colorless Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Exactly IM. That is so bad though, you have to escape that immediately. Maybe make an account on some dating websites or something if you have to just so you can flirt with and possibly hang out with people. You can't torture yourself like that or you will take a toll that can't be paid. That girl is a selfish ***** for dragging you around like that. Tell her to contact you if she wants to give it one last, best shot, but only if she wants to. Then cut her off 100%.
Dorian85 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 So… you really loved your ex only to find out that they don’t want you anymore. They cheated on you? They didn’t give you any concrete reasons? You have no explanation? After recently going through the worst break up of my life, I am writing this to show how I at least got started getting over my ex. Here are the steps: 1. Handle all final business, i.e. return their stuff, resolve any financial issues, etc. Do so quickly. (all gifts are the property of the receiver, with the exception of engagement rings) 2. Initiate NC (No Contact), do not call, contact, email them for any reason whatsoever (if you have a child with this person, keep any and all communication brief and STRICTLY about the kids) 3. Box up all gifts, love letters, or anything else that reminds you of your ex. either put it away somewhere for a long time or throw it away. 4. Go into your Facebook (if you have one) and de-friend immediately, delete emails, texts, phone numbers, everything. NO YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS. 5. Find a breakup buddy(s) who you can talk to instead of contacting your ex; also you can post on LS. 6. Get involved in something new, social group, club hobby, gym, etc. If you follow these simple steps, a few things will happen your ex will begin to fade from your life. You will shift the focus to YOU and begin to move forward with your life and heal. If this even matters at all, your ex will at least respect you for having the fortitude to move on with your life. This will give you the greatest chance of reconciling in the future, though it is not guaranteed. Trying to beg, plead, etc will only make you look pathetic in your ex’s eyes and drive him/her further away. Do not try to get revenge on your ex that will only come off as creepy and could get you into serious trouble with the law. This whole process is really a roller coaster at times, you are going to feel like ^&%$ at times, but eventually you WILL move on and be a happy single person who is ready to meet and love someone new. Any opinions or additions to this are welcome. - J0N A lot of whats been said here is true. Especially the stuff about being friends with an Ex. In my experience..it hasn't worked. Me and my ex just broke up in November but have been talking here and there...starts off innocently enough....then it turns into a "when we were together you never did this! or you never said that! or you never made me feel like this!"...*sigh* Why cant "lets just be friends" really mean just that lol.
claraj Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 A lot of whats been said here is true. Especially the stuff about being friends with an Ex. In my experience..it hasn't worked. Me and my ex just broke up in November but have been talking here and there...starts off innocently enough....then it turns into a "when we were together you never did this! or you never said that! or you never made me feel like this!"...*sigh* Why cant "lets just be friends" really mean just that lol. Wow. So you don't want to be friends with her?
brneyedgrl Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 As sad and pathetic as this may sound I'm definitely printing this list and keeping it with me for moments of weakness... thank you!
0hpenelope Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 1. Handle all final business, i.e. return their stuff, resolve any financial issues, etc. Do so quickly. (all gifts are the property of the receiver, with the exception of engagement rings) I regret this didn't happen soon enough. He bought stuff for me when he went back to his home state for winter break and because they wouldn't fit in his luggage, he had to mail it. Gotta pay him back now just because it's the right thing to do. I was pretty upset when I got home. No tears, no hysterics, just frustrations along the lines of "How come no one else opened this?! I don't want to open this! I don't want to see this!" I completely forgot about that package. There's an exception to the rule about not opening someone else's mail and this is one of them.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Engagement rings should be given back? After my 2.5yr marriage my stbx wife has no intenions of giving back the near $10k (wth was I thinking) ring I bought her. She left, and refuses all attempts to reconcile. She's a selfish broad with a ridiculous sense of entitlement.
grampi Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 All good advice, but keep in mind the toughest part to deal with will be what goes on in your head...and your heart...
Author J0N Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 Engagement rings should be given back? After my 2.5yr marriage my stbx wife has no intenions of giving back the near $10k (wth was I thinking) ring I bought her. She left, and refuses all attempts to reconcile. She's a selfish broad with a ridiculous sense of entitlement. This has always been a tough one for many people but she SHOULD give it back, it is a symbol of your commit to one another and a promise to get married. If she dumped you she should give it back, may be easier said than done especially if you have to get into a legal battle over it.
Author J0N Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 (edited) All good advice, but keep in mind the toughest part to deal with will be what goes on in your head...and your heart... Yes, this is definitely the toughest part. But if you don't cut off contact, I can assure you that the ex will still be on your mind for far longer. As the saying goes No Contact is not a ticket to heaven rather, it is a ticket out of hell. Time and space heal all wounds. Edited January 12, 2011 by J0N
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