I'm utterly lost, and probably a bad person too.

[Danneth]

Hello all.

 

My name is Danny. I'm 19. I'm from England. I work Monday-Friday, 7.30am-4.30pm.

 

With my intro out of the way, I'll try to keep the rest of my post as simple as possible.

 

I was a somewhat bright, normal child. As I moved into young teens, my life began to grow stale. I lost interest in school and my grades gradually slipped. I began to lose friends, especially when my best friend moved schools. I turned into something of a loner, put on weight and lived the rest of my school life as a pretty miserable person. Nobody liked me there, my grades sucked, and I never made a meaningful connection there.

 

I left school with bad grades, but managed to find a semi-decent college course. I spent most of my time there doing little. I messed up my grades again.

 

I left college with nothing. My Dad, who is a successful and good man, gave me a role in his company as a draftsman. I spent the first few months there as a fairly miserable person. I didn't fully understand the job and had no friends to socialise with in my spare time, but the thing that grinded me down most was the fact that I'd never had a girlfriend. I used my spare time to lose weight and attempt to put my life back together. I lost weight, and by sheer coincidence, made new friends. They're good people. My life, at that point, began to look promising.

 

I spent the next month or so mixing with my new found companions. Like an animal released into the wild for the first time, I had to adapt to my new surroundings. I became more outgoing, none out of necessity, but because I felt like I was growing as a person. Using my new found confidence, I began considering whether it was finally the time to meet a girl. That night, I met a girl, who we'll call Emma, and I instantly fell for her. I'd never felt like that about a girl. I know what you're thinking; it was knee jerk, first girl I'd had proper contact with. That's true in a sense, but it's been two years since then and I still feel the same way. Anyway, I digress...

 

That year, I spent the year with my new friends and obsessing over Emma. I'll cut a long story short and say that I saw Emma every week for a year and we never got together, I'm sure she liked me too, but that's beside the point. Last time I really saw Emma was Christmas 2009. Since then, I've been looking for a girlfriend; I feel like that's the missing part of my life, you know? The last year has been different. It started with me being fairly content with my life, but as it progressed, I grew more and more discontent.

 

Work began to grind more and more; doing something I lack experience in pisses me off because everything just feels like such a chore. I'm grateful to my dad for the job, and feel bad for hating it, but that's just the way I feel. As time has gone by, I'm began to get more and more frustrated with life. I've met one or two girls through dating sites and they weren't for me. Not at all. I wasn't for them either. I haven't had a "proper" date like... ever. I am just incapable of meeting girls. All the girls in my group of friends have boyfriends. Everybody is in a damn couple really. I'm like the only single guy, and whilst they all enjoy doing "coupley" things like going round to someone's house and watching TV, I'm out in the cold, being reminded that I'm single and always have been.

 

So yeah, I hate my life. I hate my job. I hate my inability to meet girls, yet alone establish a relationship with them. My friends have began to joke that I'm gay, because I haven't met a girl. My dad has jokingly suggested the same thing, and often asks when I'm going to bring a girl home. Believe me, I wanted a relationship LONG before I got teased for not having one, I'm just using all aforementioned as examples of my inability to meet girls.

 

Every day is a grind. Little pleases me. I'm disinterested in ANY hobby and can't commit to anything I do. I scrape through work doing the bare minimum every day. I'd have been fired if it wasn't my dad's company.

 

Then, this is when I go from sad to being a prick; over Christmas, a buddy of mine returned home with his new girlfriend... and she's amazing. I hate myself for thinking that, I really do... but she just reminds me of Emma in so many ways. She's brilliantly outgoing and easy to get along with, pretty and perfect in a lot of ways. I'd never make a move for her, but she just reminds me how ****ty my life is; now I'm pining over a friend's girlfriend. How much of an ******* am I?

 

Luckily, she doesn't live near me and I'll only see her again at easter. The fact still remains that my life is empty though. Really freaking empty.

 

Thank you for reading, and I apologise for my long rant.

 

Edit: This was meant to go in personal rants and confessions, I posted it in the wrong section. Apologies.

Edited January 11, 2011 by Danneth

[Owz600]

Only YOU can make your life better. First thing to be mentioned is well done on losing weight, it's a very hard task and it's even harder to keep it off. You haven't got a hobby? Look around try things out, everyday try something new. You might in the end find a hobby you actually enjoy. This hobby will help make friends, go out and join a class in that hobby.

 

You hate your job. Only YOU can get yourself a new job, stop telling yourself you hate your job and do something about it, change is good, you will meet new friends at a new job, see it as a fresh start.

 

I know this girl must remind you of opportunities you miss with Emma but you need to move on, let go of Emma and start going out to find girls again. I wish you the best of luck, I know right now it must seem like an impossible task, but do it one step at a time. Use this year to make the rest of your life happy.

[josie54]

Hello all.

 

I am just incapable of meeting girls. All the girls in my group of friends have boyfriends.

 

... I'm just using all aforementioned as examples of my inability to meet girls.

 

Edit: This was meant to go in personal rants and confessions, I posted it in the wrong section. Apologies.

 

I wasn't sure if you wanted a response, but I'll provide a brief one....you are NOT "incapable of meeting girls." You see a girl in the supermarket, you say hi. YOU'VE JUST MET A GIRL.

 

I think what you're describing is being "too shy to talk to girls," rather than being incapable of meeting them. To work around that, what I would suggest is to ask your friends and your friends' girlfriends to introduce you to girls they think you might like. If they're giving you so much trouble, then they should be glad to help!

 

Get a friend to help you approach a girl at a party or event, and then help you with conversation.

 

You can also approach girls in neutral territory such as coffee shops or bookstores. Offer to buy them a cup of coffee or ask them what they're reading.

 

I won't go so far as to say it's easy, but it's also not hard. And if a girl doesn't act like she's interested do NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY. Some girls will be open to conversation with you, and some will be preoccupied with other things. That's just the way humans work.

 

But please stop using the phrase "I'm incapable of meeting girls." It's not only untrue, but it also perpetuates your mistaken believe that you'll not be able to meet girls. Instead, tell yourself, "I'm shy and I need to ask my friends for a little help TALKING to girls." THAT is what's true, and that's something you can easily fix.