brneyedgrl Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Hi, I've been reviewing the posts on this site for about a week now and I have to say it provides me with a fraction of comfort knowing I'm not the only one going through a tough situation, so here it goes. My b/f and I were dating for 6 years, I'm in my late 20's and he's in his early 30's, and it's been rocky at times as 3 of those years were long distance but it has also been amazing. The past two years we've been living together again and he moved across the country to re-start our lives together after a brief breakup. We were happy and were looking at rings in November and talk of future/kids/marriage have always been ok-no pressure topics to discuss. Around December I started getting strange vibes from him which I've been privy to before. He suffers from depression and takes meds for it but when things get stressful, he feels pressure, or he starts to get anxiety about things his depression kicks in tenfold, even with the medication. The last time this happened we were living together and he had a total breakdown and said he didn't know if this is what he wanted and he didn't know what he was doing in his life, that is when I said "ok I'll let you go" and I did, for about a year. After that he changed his meds, started seeing a counselor, grasped a whole new outlook on life and he's been this amazing man/boyfriend ever since (about 3 years). Cut to the present, he tells me a week before Christmas he needs space and time to think, I give him a couple days, he says he needs longer, I said you've had 6 years you either know what you want or you don't. So he went back home for the holidays and that gave us about a week of NC. When he came back we talked again and he started crying and telling me he just couldn't do it anymore. I asked him what exactly he couldn't do, and he said "any of this". He couldn't be in a relationship, he was stressed about work, he felt like he was losing his mind and his life was spinning out of control and he thinks it would be best for both of us if we went our separate ways and he was on his own to "fix himself". If this had been any other guy I'd know exactly what to do and cut the cord and say good riddance. I'm an educated, strong, confident girl and I know when to let people go because life will go on with or without some people. But this was the man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. This second chance for us was supposed to be for good and since I know he has some depression and anxiety issues it makes it that much harder to except as him just now wanting this anymore. We live together and have had to break our lease. I'm only 27 and have always lived with my parents, or had a roomate, or been with him and now in two weeks I'm going to be completely on my own. I'm going from spending 6 years and making a ton of memories with someone and knowing they were the one for me, to being left in the cold all alone so he can "fix himself" again. It's like deja vu all over again. The thing that hurts the most is I found out he's had a couple conversations with his hairdresser about this and he's hung out with her amongst friends a couple times. He says nothings happened and she was just a person who didn't know him or me and he needed and un-biased opinion. I trust him in that aspect but my mind plays tricks on me and I envision him turning to her during all this. So there I'll be on my own for the first time and having to let go of the dreams I had for our future and bascally start from ground zero after 6 years and he'll be perfectly fine with someone else. That hurts and terrifies me. This whole thing is so sudden and he says he never fell out of love with me, he fell out of love with himself and that's who he has to find. I'd love to go NC all that way but we'll be living together for the next three weeks then we'll have a months worth of utilities left to pay toegether after that. So basically I can't really truly move on without that being done, at the beginning of March. I hate how this has to drag on and on. I have a great support system and I know this will be extremely good for me but I still feel so lost and depressed and just completely let down. So that's my story, sorry it's drawn out but I'm lost and I'm sure my friends and family are tired of listening to my "woe is me" story so thank you.
D78 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 brneyedgrl, I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sure it's more difficult with an ex who you know has struggled with depression, because it might not be "him" talking... But, you have to go on like it is over until you know different. I lived with my ex until he broke up with me on Nov 14. He took the next few weeks to get all of his stuff, and just yesterday I mailed him the refund check from the phone/internet/cable company and started NC. You can't have total NC now, but you can have almost NC. When my ex was moving out, I would just occupy myself with something else (learned how to read standard notation, painted house, read books) I looked good and didn't act sad. My behavior led to him making small talk with me, "Don't watch this movie..." and of course there was the "Do you want this?" Just keep it as simple as possible. I am much better than I was 2 months ago, even though I couldn't go NC until yesterday. You don't have to put off your recovery. Good luck.
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