ElixirXY Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Ok. Brief outline: He spent 3 years on/off with me as he kept “leaving” his girlfriend to be with me and then changing his mind at last hurdle. Finally about 5 weeks ago I told him that we should part ways as this pattern HAD to end. He broke down in tears, declared his undying love for me and swore we would NEVER be saying goodbye. He broke up with her and she moved out – finally, two days later (his b’day). We started seeing each other freely in the first couple of weeks, I expressing unsurity and him reassuring me – at first, this was such a big jump from what I had known. Since last week he has said he doesn’t know what he wants anymore (wth?) so I said maybe it’s best we don’t see each other next week if he’s “confused”. He insisted he would call and ask if I would see him. Note – he blew me out on weekend due to some “bad news” he wouldn’t say what. I have my suspicions (re “ex”). Despite their sexless and lifeless partnership I suspect he misses the comfort of her (Mummy figure). He is scared to risk us failing and then having no fall-back, and I think I was quite pushy – putting all my insecurity on him rather than stepping back and taking TIME. Long story short – he hasn’t called or texted since last week when we spoke about this. QUESTION: He is used to me caving in and eventually contacting him. I have taken the time to work on myself and have had a few aha moments regarding this whole situation, I realize he is not being good to me. How do you think he will feel when he realizes this time, he is not going to hear from me? He said I was his soul mate, he was physically sick at the thought of losing me once before and went CRAZY jealous when he thought I had moved on with someone else. I guess he may just be burying his head in the sand, avoiding dealing with any of this for now, so he may just be relieved I haven’t tried to contact him. But it’s only been a few days. We’ve never been longer than 2 weeks out of contact. Then he always comes back. But this time, he won’t be hearing from me in between. I’m just curious and have tried to put myself in his shoes but it’s difficult to fully understand. Because even if/when he does come back this time, things with me will have changed completely – I’m not into this type of emotional baggage thing anymore! Advice and answers most welcome, thank you. I should also add that he ALWAYS misses me in the end, and has ALWAYS come back. This is a man who NEVER changes and doubt he ever will (he is 41) – the difference now is that I have finally changed my perspective, only he (as yet) doesn’t realize it. As soon as I announced we should perhaps leave next week he sounded like his ears pricked and immediately asked ‘why’, and then I also announced my plans to go travelling indefinitely, which he also sounded ‘concerned’ about – last week I came clean and told him I’m just not feeling happy at the moment with life in general, and although the timing of it wasn’t great in that he had just said he was ‘confused’ (ie – “flame out”), he likes to think he will ‘always be my friend’ – (yeah right!) – and he spent a while on the phone listening to me basically breaking down the walls I had built up about how ‘happy’ I was. Later that afternoon I called back to thank him for listening to me and thanking him for his honesty in telling me he wasn’t sure what he wanted, and (even though I don’t believe it has ‘nothing’ to do with said ex) I took his word and thanked him for being honest, as that was the best thing. That is when I suggested perhaps not to see each other this week, and that is when he insisted he would call to see if I still would like to see him. It is now Tuesday since the Thursday we spoke and the Saturday he blew me out and I have not heard a thing.
Eddie Edirol Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 He just doesnt want to be alone. Thats why he keeps coming back to you, it has nothing to do with who you are. A soulmate doesnt leave someone and come back multiple times. Dont let him keep doing this to you, cut him offfor good. You wont understand how bad this is until you get with someone who actually IS your soulmate.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I have been in a somewhat similar situation. The periods of NC being longer and the whole relationship being longer too. However I can understand a little of what you are dealing with. How it feels to have a relationship that just is soo close to being totally right. QUESTION: He is used to me caving in and eventually contacting him. I have taken the time to work on myself and have had a few aha moments regarding this whole situation, I realize he is not being good to me. How do you think he will feel when he realizes this time, he is not going to hear from me? He will do one of two things. He will reach out to you after some time has passed, who knows how long. He will be apologetic and realize what he has almost lost. He may still be flaky but he will realize that you won't just keep coming to him. Or He will think he has simply lost you and move on. You will never hear from him again. My question for you is can you live with either outcome? The answer either way is some amount of NC. Don't contact him let him have that time to miss you and realize what life would really be like without you. In the mean time move on and realize what life might be like without him... perhaps a month maybe two. If after that kind of time you still want him and he still wants you then there may be a chance for real healing. He has to know that you need him to make a choice and that you really mean it.
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