Jazzari Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I'm in a long distance relationship. He is more financially well off than I am by far. But that's mostly because all my money is tied up right now. I'll be more than able to keep up in a few years, but for now I'm on a strict budget. But going by appearances, it would look to him that I am on par based on where I live, etc.. So far I've been doing fine with the expense of seeing him. It's pushing my limit but I'm ok. But now he invited me on a weekend trip. I turned him down because even though he'd be paying for the accomodations, I would still have to get there. I don't want to spend the money. I haven't told him why, I just said I can't make it. I'm embarassed that I can't keep up financially. There is no way I want him paying for things beyond the normal boyfriend stuff even though he could easily afford it. And I really don't want him thinking that I'm asking for help when I say I can't afford something. So I haven't said anything. How do you handle that kind of situation? Money is such a touchy subject. Flat out tell him my financial status? Or avoid the subject and keep doing the best I can?
eerie_reverie Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I'm in a long distance relationship. He is more financially well off than I am by far. But that's mostly because all my money is tied up right now. I'll be more than able to keep up in a few years, but for now I'm on a strict budget. But going by appearances, it would look to him that I am on par based on where I live, etc.. So far I've been doing fine with the expense of seeing him. It's pushing my limit but I'm ok. But now he invited me on a weekend trip. I turned him down because even though he'd be paying for the accomodations, I would still have to get there. I don't want to spend the money. I haven't told him why, I just said I can't make it. I'm embarassed that I can't keep up financially. There is no way I want him paying for things beyond the normal boyfriend stuff even though he could easily afford it. And I really don't want him thinking that I'm asking for help when I say I can't afford something. So I haven't said anything. How do you handle that kind of situation? Money is such a touchy subject. Flat out tell him my financial status? Or avoid the subject and keep doing the best I can? You are going to start resenting him if you keep on keeping it secret. I would just tell him. It sounds like you are pretty responsible, so I dont think you have anything to b ashamed about.
oaks Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 How do you handle that kind of situation? Money is such a touchy subject. Flat out tell him my financial status? I've been in a similar position but from the other side - I had disposable income and she didn't. I did pay for her travel sometimes but usually we just waited until she could afford it, or I went to her, or we went to somewhere that was nearer her than me so that it could still be a trip away from home for her but within her budget. If you make the wrong excuses he might think you aren't interested, and you don't have to accept his offer of paying (if he makes an offer like that). You could tell him it's outside your budget without going in to all the details of why that is. People have money tied up or unavailable for all sorts of reasons. Is there somewhere else you could go that you could afford to pay for yourself?
Author Jazzari Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 I've been in a similar position but from the other side - I had disposable income and she didn't. I did pay for her travel sometimes but usually we just waited until she could afford it, or I went to her, or we went to somewhere that was nearer her than me so that it could still be a trip away from home for her but within her budget. If you make the wrong excuses he might think you aren't interested, and you don't have to accept his offer of paying (if he makes an offer like that). You could tell him it's outside your budget without going in to all the details of why that is. People have money tied up or unavailable for all sorts of reasons. Is there somewhere else you could go that you could afford to pay for yourself?Yes, and we have that scheduled for the following week. Thanks for the advice.
brainygirl Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I don't think you should be risking your financial health for him if that's what you are asking. But I DO think that you should be honest with the man about why you don't want to go do certain things. If he asks, tell him you have plans that will put you in a more comfortable position in the future but that now you are a little tight. If he balks, that tells you one thing, but if he respects that you have a sensible nature and a plan to make things better, thats great. I'm a teacher, so I will never be completely well off, although I do make a decent living. People I would date would have to be ok with the fact that I work a job with lots of off the clock requirements and a ceiling on likely pay.
carhill Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 How do you handle that kind of situation? Money is such a touchy subject. Flat out tell him my financial status? Or avoid the subject and keep doing the best I can? 'I can't afford to travel extensively right now but that will be changing in the future. How do you feel about that?'
zengirl Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I say just be honest about it. If you're self-sufficient and smart with your money but just shorter on cash than he is, it's nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, demonstrating care with your finances -- that you know you can't afford something and it's beyond your means -- is a good trait that most serious people look for in a partner. And, honestly, I've noticed most men don't give two figs if you have money or not. If he does, well, then hiding it doesn't do much good. I'm sure you guys can work out a middle ground and meet on terms you can afford to pay your way. Being able to talk about financial things is important if you're seeking a LTR that leads in the direction of marriage, I think.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 How do you handle that kind of situation? Money is such a touchy subject. Flat out tell him my financial status? Or avoid the subject and keep doing the best I can? Just tell him flat out that you can't pay that right now exactly... and that it's a point of pride not to take money from him at this stage. Your overall financial status is yours to tell or not tell. A brief picture is important... as is something that shows how you manage your money. Do not avoid the subject. Communication is important for relationships.
Author Jazzari Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 He just made mention in an email about blowing him off for the weekend. So I explained. We'll see how it goes.
Author Jazzari Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 Update: He was very understanding and I feel *much* better now that it's all in the open. Thanks for all the advice!
oaks Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Update: He was very understanding and I feel *much* better now that it's all in the open. Thanks for all the advice! Glad to hear it. LDRs have enough difficulties to overcome as it is so I'm glad you've sorted this issue out. (I nearly wrote "LDRs suck ..." but it's not all bad.) Good luck!
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