beyondhope Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 So, from October-December I went on several dates with a guy, we kept in touch through email between dates and seemed to have a really strong intellectual connection, he was extremely charming and I had a great time with him. The day before I left for winter break (for three weeks) I slept over at his house. We spent the next day together but when we said goodbye he just closed off, gave me a very curt "have a good trip" and turned and walked away, which was really out of character. I was heartbroken, and all of a sudden, his estrangement from his family, his psychiatric hospitalization ten years ago, his jokes about being a sociopath all seemed like things I shouldn't have ignored. I got a text from him the next morning that said, "have fun!" which just made it worse--I expect more from someone I've been seeing and have just slept with for the first time! I didn't hear from him for a week and eventually, on the advice of my friends, blocked his phone number and stopped checking my email. I finally checked my email yesterday after being offline for two weeks, and it turns out he emailed the day after new years, but the email was curt, just three lines, and basically said, "let me know if you'll be passing through town on your way home" (which is silly, because I have to pass through his town to get home!). I have a counselor, and she thinks this guy has borderline personality disorder, considering his past and the fact he was so charming and then withdrew immediately after sex. It's obvious at this point that even if he's not, he's not looking for a relationship, and I know I would just be setting myself up if I contacted him. It's just SO HARD to stay away when I have the memories of all the good times before I slept over. I guess I just need someone to tell me that this guy's dangerous and I should keep my distance, because I am so close to emailing him, just to have something to look forward to (even if it's empty sex) when I get home. Help!
Spices Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) Date him some more and get to know him a few months (at least 3 or 4 months at the least) BEFORE you sleep with him again. If he really likes you, believe me, he'll wait. I think this is where a lot of girls mess up. They jump into bed too soon. This doesn't really give you enough time to truly evaluate the person & weed out the pricks. Don't settle for anybody who's going to be a waste of time in the long run. Edited January 11, 2011 by Spices
Akumark Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Date him some more and get to know him a few months (at least 3 months at most) BEFORE you sleep with him again. If he really likes you, believe me, he'll wait. I think this is where a lot of girls mess up. They jump into bed too soon. This doesn't really give you enough time to truly evaluate the person & weed out the pricks. Don't settle for anybody who's going to be a waste of time in the long run. But at the same time,if sex is important to you, if you date someone for 3 months and after you finaly sleep with him he's bad at it, you might be in trouble. I used to think the longer you wait the better but I stand in the middle now.
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