ElixirXY Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Ok. Brief outline: He spent 3 years on/off with me as he kept “leaving” his girlfriend to be with me and then changing his mind at last hurdle. Finally about 5 weeks ago I told him that we should part ways as this pattern HAD to end. He broke down in tears, declared his undying love for me and swore we would NEVER be saying goodbye. He broke up with her and she moved out – finally, two days later (his b’day). We started seeing each other freely in the first couple of weeks, I expressing unsurity and him reassuring me – at first, this was such a big jump from what I had known. Since last week he has said he doesn’t know what he wants anymore (wth?) so I said maybe it’s best we don’t see each other next week if he’s “confused”. He insisted he would call and ask if I would see him. Note – he blew me out on weekend due to some “bad news” he wouldn’t say what. I have my suspicions (re “ex”). Despite their sexless and lifeless partnership I suspect he misses the comfort of her (Mummy figure). He is scared to risk us failing and then having no fall-back, and I think I was quite pushy – putting all my insecurity on him rather than stepping back and taking TIME. Long story short – he hasn’t called or texted since last week when we spoke about this. QUESTION: He is used to me caving in and eventually contacting him. I have taken the time to work on myself and have had a few aha moments regarding this whole situation, I realize he is not being good to me. How do you think he will feel when he realizes this time, he is not going to hear from me? He said I was his soul mate, he was physically sick at the thought of losing me once before and went CRAZY jealous when he thought I had moved on with someone else. I guess he may just be burying his head in the sand, avoiding dealing with any of this for now, so he may just be relieved I haven’t tried to contact him. But it’s only been a few days. We’ve never been longer than 2 weeks out of contact. Then he always comes back. But this time, he won’t be hearing from me in between. I’m just curious and have tried to put myself in his shoes but it’s difficult to fully understand. Because even if/when he does come back this time, things with me will have changed completely – I’m not into this type of emotional baggage thing anymore! Advice and answers most welcome, thank you. I should also add that he ALWAYS misses me in the end, and has ALWAYS come back. This is a man who NEVER changes and doubt he ever will (he is 41) – the difference now is that I have finally changed my perspective, only he (as yet) doesn’t realize it. As soon as I announced we should perhaps leave next week he sounded like his ears pricked and immediately asked ‘why’, and then I also announced my plans to go travelling indefinitely, which he also sounded ‘concerned’ about – last week I came clean and told him I’m just not feeling happy at the moment with life in general, and although the timing of it wasn’t great in that he had just said he was ‘confused’ (ie – “flame out”), he likes to think he will ‘always be my friend’ – (yeah right!) – and he spent a while on the phone listening to me basically breaking down the walls I had built up about how ‘happy’ I was. Later that afternoon I called back to thank him for listening to me and thanking him for his honesty in telling me he wasn’t sure what he wanted, and (even though I don’t believe it has ‘nothing’ to do with said ex) I took his word and thanked him for being honest, as that was the best thing. That is when I suggested perhaps not to see each other this week, and that is when he insisted he would call to see if I still would like to see him. It is now Tuesday since the Thursday we spoke and the Saturday he blew me out and I have not heard a thing.
jenifer1972 Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 He is 41 and has been doing this for three years. I would say the outlook for change here is bleak
carhill Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 Despite their sexless and lifeless partnership I suspect he misses the comfort of her Can you share the precise words he used to convince you of this? I really need this line should I choose an affair again. Seriously. I'd like to hear the words that men use to convince women they're celibate, chaste and bereft of any intimacy. Awesome stuff. Well, that about sums up what I think of this man. All I can predict is that he'll keep coming back as long as you let him. Hope it works out.
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