pappy Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I've been best friends with my neighbor since we were kids. We did everything together and although he always knew there was something different about me, he never judged me or anything. We are now grown ups and seeing my friend almost daily has become difficult because I have feelings for him and he is straight. I told him we should stop seeing each other for a while because it was too difficult for me. He looked really sad and was almost in tears. He apologized and said he would wait for my call. I was devastated to say the least and cried all night. The next morning, my friend calls me and we just talk like nothing happened. He even suggested we hang out this week. How would you read into this situation?
hydorclops Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 What you could do is manage how you think. Stop sexualizing him. Quit having romantic ideas about him. Difficult, yes. You could start by catching yourself doing it and then thinking about something else. Do this for your benefit. It's not about thought crimes or anything like that. It's about having internal comfort and peace. The benefit is that you can still be friends, so it's optional. Do you want to be friends and hang out? I've done this kind of thing countless times. I stop thinking about a co-workers attractiveness. I make it a point to not build up fantasies about them. Many people do this.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 am I missing something? does he not want you romantically? date each other.
Author pappy Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 am I missing something? does he not want you romantically? date each other. That's what I can't figure out. My friend always dated girls and I always dated guys. We both know that. I'm really confused because now he knows how I feel and still make attempts to hang out.
Author pappy Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 What you could do is manage how you think. Stop sexualizing him. Quit having romantic ideas about him. Difficult, yes. You could start by catching yourself doing it and then thinking about something else. Do this for your benefit. It's not about thought crimes or anything like that. It's about having internal comfort and peace. The benefit is that you can still be friends, so it's optional. Do you want to be friends and hang out? I've done this kind of thing countless times. I stop thinking about a co-workers attractiveness. I make it a point to not build up fantasies about them. Many people do this. I think it's much deeper than that. We've been friends forever and I have feelings for him that I can't control. If it were some coworker, I would agree with you.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 whoops, I missed the fact that you aren't straight & he is. hmmm... tough situation. do what's best for you, my friend. if being around him hurts you & he truly is straight, you would be foolish not to detach, IMO. well, unless you're in to masochism.
tigressA Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) You really need to detach. No contact. Yes you're best friends, but this situation is painful for you. He probably wants to make plans to hang out with you because you had a conversation in which it was like nothing happened; his desire to maintain the friendship could have naively influenced him into thinking that you're okay and "over it" now. Tell him again that you can't be around or talk to him until you get past this, and follow through on it. If he calls/texts/whatever, ignore it. If your friendship has any chance of surviving, this is what you need to do. Make this clear to him if he doesn't understand. Edited January 11, 2011 by tigressA
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