dng Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 After asking her 200 times to stop emailing me and to stop trying, I got sucked into the vacuum again and agreed on a meeting last week. She didnt show up, two days in a row. The second day she didn't even call. I emailed her to burn in hell and let me alone. I called her mom to tell her something's wrong with her and to talk to her. Her mom gave me some more info, there's someone or there was someone, nothing is clear with her. She started emailing me again to leave her family alone, that nothing I knew was true, blah blah blah. More emails about me being the love of her life and so on. I wrote her a nice email about how I stayed available for her for 6 months, how I decided to give someone that showed me real interest a chance and to wish her luck in her next relationship. Yes I ressorted to lying this time in the hope that she stops trying... She's been finding ways to suck me in for 6 months.
DustySaltus Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 The best response going forward is complete and utter silence. Unless she is beating down your door, asking for a second chance, you have nothing to talk about. You have to disengage from her completely and allow yourself to heal. She seems very unstable right now and you need to let her be. Stick to NC. It's not about being weak or strong, it's about keeping yourself sane and on the right track. You can't keep going on the merry-go-round.
Author dng Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 We both had such a hard time letting go but let's not forget she left - so maybe I was having a hard time and she was just playing with that. I read stories like mine all the time on here. "Ex wants me back but is scared" yet I still wanted to believe my story was different. My friend told me she's been using me as backup and ego feeder for 6 months and that hurts.
D78 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 ...I wrote her a nice email about how I stayed available for her for 6 months, how I decided to give someone that showed me real interest a chance and to wish her luck in her next relationship... If you show yourself some real interest from now on, it's not exactly a lie. I know what your friend said hurts, but based on what you've said about your ex, it's probably true. The girl has issues, and she has no business involving you in them anymore.
Author dng Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 I can't stay in there that's for sure. It doesn't hurt as much as before. I can breath it out. I don't understand how you could do this to someone you say you love, and the answer is in the question: she doesn't.
usagi Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 It's not about being weak or strong, it's about keeping yourself sane and on the right track. You can't keep going on the merry-go-round. I really really like this. Well written.
sacg Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Mate, she's using you, I give you my word. And if you wanna know why or know why I went thru this for 18 MONTHS! give me a shout. Don't do it to yourself. They are NOT who we knew.
Author dng Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 Yeah I know. I'm realising I just lost 6 months of my life to her. Do many dumpers act like this? It's so damned cruel.
DustySaltus Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Yeah I know. I'm realising I just lost 6 months of my life to her. Do many dumpers act like this? It's so damned cruel. Dude, you got off easy. I lost 2 years of my life, moved halfway across the world, almost lost my job, tens of thousands of dollars and one engagement ring. Found out she got married last week, a little over a year later. Feel sorry for the guy, but it still hurt a bit. Be thankful it didn't get to that point...
WTRanger Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Stop thinking she sucked you back in because she didn't. You need to look into the mirror and realize that person staring back at you is the one who sucked you back in. The only thing you can control is your actions. Cruel or not, you allowed yourself to be a part of this circus. If fact, you actually paid admission to get in so don't really complain if you saw a crappy act or two. She didn't cost you 6 months. You did. Once you realize you are the only master of your actions, you drop the self-pity mode, and everything becomes clearer. She's not the best person in the world, so why continue to be around her? She's not going to change anytime soon, but you can make a change in yourself.
Ajax Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Stop thinking she sucked you back in because she didn't. You need to look into the mirror and realize that person staring back at you is the one who sucked you back in. The only thing you can control is your actions. Cruel or not, you allowed yourself to be a part of this circus. If fact, you actually paid admission to get in so don't really complain if you saw a crappy act or two. She didn't cost you 6 months. You did. Once you realize you are the only master of your actions, you drop the self-pity mode, and everything becomes clearer. She's not the best person in the world, so why continue to be around her? She's not going to change anytime soon, but you can make a change in yourself. Any time I see that WTRanger's posted something I check it out because I know it's going to be good.
Author dng Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 Any time I see that WTRanger's posted something I check it out because I know it's going to be good. Well, yes and no. He has alot of good ideas and things right, but at the same time you can tell he's really hard on himself. I know every story has two sides, I can see that myself. I'm not really in self pity mode. NC NC NC yeah I get it, but how hard is it not to break it when you get an email that says "You are the love of my life, I miss you, I want to see you". There's limits to what one can take. In my case, its slowly sinking in that she doesn't really mean it outside of the 30 seconds she takes to write it. I let her do it to me, yes I know. Its not that easy when you've known and been with someone for 9 years to realize they've been evolving without you and they may not mean what they say anymore, for whatever reason. I am moving on. I see other people. I'm not over it yet but in time I know I will be. WTranger posts are good, yes, but they are filled with his own anger at whatever happened to him.
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