ozziegal8 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 met boy on nye through mate we slept together i didnt expect anything to come of it but he was full on all week. so the new boy came and had lunch with me, he was being full on saying things like going up to my folks hol house meeting his mum etc. he wanted to see me the following night and day but i said i would see him on the saturday. so we caught up and gave the picnic the flick as it was bad weather and we went out drinking, my friends came and met us. he was being full on and saying 'i think you wish you hadn't slept with me on the first night etc' and then about having kids and im also thinking of moving out and he said if we had known each longer he would move in with me. i felt quite nervous and put on the spot and my friends were all drinking and having a good time so of course i was drinking. we went home and slept together and straight after i felt very ill, and had to run to the loo to be sick i had to tell him but i was very discreet. spent the next day together just watching tv he also felt hungover but i felt he was very standoffish with me. i dont know maybe im being paranoid. he wasnt as affectionate as normal and made no plan about catching up. he was finding out about a job today and has job inteview tmw so i rang tonight and he didnt answer and had not message bank so i just sent a text saying just tried to phone you how was your day and did you hear about work? he replied about an hour later that he hadnt and that he was very tired from work. i phoned him to say good luck for tmw and to apologise for getting drunk and its not normally 'me'. he said that was ok but why did i drink so much? anyway i apologised. he was very tired and kept yawning is that rude?he also said if he doesnt get job he will go and visit his mother 2 hours flight away. anyway he said he would let me know about the job interview and there was no mention of catching up? tonight i text to see how he interview went and he never replied? i dont understand how he could change his mind in one night. have i messed it up or does it sound like his backing off or lost interest?
OceanGirl Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Seriously.. the more full on the guy acts at the beginning - the faster it all falls apart.
TaurusTerp Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Probably bailed because the relationship started off like crap
Author ozziegal8 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 Probably bailed because the relationship started off like crap in what way crap? i sent a text last night asking how his job interview went and he never replied. he was so full on on saturday night and then the next day nothing how can someone change their mind so quickly?
pookster72 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 did he just get out of a relationship? that sounds like rebounding behavior
daphne Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Ozzie, I think you approach dating the wrong way. You seem to be a bit dependent and tend to pursue guys and give sex away early in a misguided attempt to win their affection. You don't have to do that so soon. You can't expect anything great to come out of rushing sex in a relationship. Sometimes people surprise you and something does, but most often it doesn't. Even if you hadn't slept with him, however, it does sound like you are too apologetic of your own existence when you're with him and care too much what he thinks about you. You pursue him and it upsets you when he doesn't respond. If so, stop pursuing him. That's his job. And if he's losing interest, that would be my bet as to why. You have certain patterns that seem to push guys away. Whether or not they're good guy,s you want to be prepared not to do this and to create attraction for the right guy.
sugarmomma Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Sounds like he didn't like you drinking so much. just my .02
Author ozziegal8 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 Ozzie, I think you approach dating the wrong way. You seem to be a bit dependent and tend to pursue guys and give sex away early in a misguided attempt to win their affection. You don't have to do that so soon. You can't expect anything great to come out of rushing sex in a relationship. Sometimes people surprise you and something does, but most often it doesn't. Even if you hadn't slept with him, however, it does sound like you are too apologetic of your own existence when you're with him and care too much what he thinks about you. You pursue him and it upsets you when he doesn't respond. If so, stop pursuing him. That's his job. And if he's losing interest, that would be my bet as to why. You have certain patterns that seem to push guys away. Whether or not they're good guy,s you want to be prepared not to do this and to create attraction for the right guy. why do you think he has lost interest?
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 do you not see a pattern here? one thread: he was a total deadbeat and I was into him & he dumped me & deleted me from FB. wth happened? another: totally hooked up with some random guy on new years and he was into me for less than 8 days. wth happened? my advice to you (if you're not convinced already), watch yourself for the next repeat and in the event it happens (cough, inevitable, cough...), consider talking to an independent counselor.
Author ozziegal8 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 do you not see a pattern here? one thread: he was a total deadbeat and I was into him & he dumped me & deleted me from FB. wth happened? another: totally hooked up with some random guy on new years and he was into me for less than 8 days. wth happened? my advice to you (if you're not convinced already), watch yourself for the next repeat and in the event it happens (cough, inevitable, cough...), consider talking to an independent counselor. yes im seeing the counsellor tonight. what are you trying to say the pattern is? the random guy was actually good mates with my best mate so wasnt that random.
daphne Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 You pursue him and it upsets you when he doesn't respond. If so, stop pursuing him. That's his job. And if he's losing interest, that would be my bet as to why. characters
daphne Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 yes im seeing the counsellor tonight. what are you trying to say the pattern is? the random guy was actually good mates with my best mate so wasnt that random. I would say your pattern is that of someone who does not respect themselves. You are dependent and clingy, and with completely inappropriate people. You do not appear to have much self esteem, because women who do do not chase after guys who don't want them or even worse, treat them in disrespectful ways (see your other thread.) Listen, there are no short cuts to love. You can't just meet someone and it happens overnight with no due diligence or work. I'm glad you're going to a counselor. You need to figure out better boundaries, self esteem, appropriate partners and appropriate behavior to attract a healthy partner. Right now I see you floundering and hurting yourself.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 yes im seeing the counsellor tonight. what are you trying to say the pattern is? the random guy was actually good mates with my best mate so wasnt that random. yes, love; it was random. your pal knew the guy. you trusted your friend's judgement. you didn't know the guy anymore than you know some other of your best mate's friends that you have yet to meet. I'm no shrink, but based on what you've offered about yourself, you move very quickly. what I mean by that is, for whatever reason (gullibility, easily influenced, general naïveté, or what have you) you're comfortable making big decisions quickly; which for many (not all) can be self destructive. my observations could be inaccurate, but I'd be willing to put my money where my mouth is on this one. good luck in counseling, love.
FreeToBe Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Honestly... it sounds as though he got what he wanted. From a guy's perspective, if I sleep with a woman very quickly, her value to me is lowered dramatically. Is this right? Maybe. Maybe not. The thing is, I would start wondering how many times has she done this? Who else has she done this with? Etc... In his eyes, you were a fun time, but not relationship material. There are times you are looking for more, and times you just want to have a good time. He had a good time. When a man has a ONS it increases his value in some woman's eyes. When a woman does the same, not so much. It is a double-standard indeed, but it is reality.
Author ozziegal8 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 characters what do you mean by 'characters' do you think this 2nd guy was also 'innappropriate'?
Analeigh Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Seriously.. the more full on the guy acts at the beginning - the faster it all falls apart. I agree with this and have had it happen to me. I thought I had learned my lesson and grown out of it, but after my last LTR ended I rebounded with a guy too quickly and the same thing happened. He went from talking about moving and families to totally disappearing. It sounds like you really don't respect yourself enough. Try to make yourself a better person and try to believe that you are one. There is no need to put up with these guys you keep getting screwed by.
paddington bear Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 I've experienced this full-on thing and I've seen female friends of mine get totally confused by the same behaviour. The guy seems totally into you, messages all the time, wants to see you and then poof! Changes his mind. I see that kind of attention so soon as a red flag to be honest. Think of this behaviour as being like a flame that flares up and then dies out just as quickly.
Author ozziegal8 Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 Ozzie, I think you approach dating the wrong way. You seem to be a bit dependent and tend to pursue guys and give sex away early in a misguided attempt to win their affection. You don't have to do that so soon. You can't expect anything great to come out of rushing sex in a relationship. Sometimes people surprise you and something does, but most often it doesn't. Even if you hadn't slept with him, however, it does sound like you are too apologetic of your own existence when you're with him and care too much what he thinks about you. You pursue him and it upsets you when he doesn't respond. If so, stop pursuing him. That's his job. And if he's losing interest, that would be my bet as to why. You have certain patterns that seem to push guys away. Whether or not they're good guy,s you want to be prepared not to do this and to create attraction for the right guy. You pursue him and it upsets you when he doesn't respond. If so, stop pursuing him. That's his job. And if he's losing interest, that would be my bet as to why. sorry why do you think they lose interest?
Author ozziegal8 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 ok its now sunday and ive been good not contacting him since my text on tuesday. asking him how his interview went. and didnt reply. my best mate is his friend and he doesnt know anything either. i have since found out though this guy is 43 with not a cent to his name and never has. he has been back from living o/s for a year and since then has only done bit and pieces of casual labouring. why wouldnt you get a proper job at that age? apparently he has this 'proper' job starting at end of january. i still cant work out why he has just disappeared, it will make it harder on him as we both know my mate 'jason' and will do doubt run into each other in the future.
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