Fentus Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Hi Iam an American guy living in Germany. I have ben 5 years together with a woman and we have a child. The relationship has had ups and downs . Right before New Years this 2010 we had a real row because she did not tell me over xmas this girlfriend of hers who hates me was coming for xmas and I said insulting things about her and argued that she just should have told me sooner. Well . to make things short I spent xmas alone and was feeling pretty down. Ive never gotten so angry so I left a bunch of insulting text messages while extremely drunk, yelled at her on the fone and wrote her Dad an insulting Email ( I aplogized to him later ) This is extremly out of charachter for me but I snapped finally and to be truthful Im really embarrased.I have read some books like the Magic of Making up and understand the 2 concepts of NO CONTACT. It is to gain yourself back and not feel so damn depressed and get your life back , but I also would like to get my ex back and try to get some outside help like counseling for us. My problem is most of my friends have left Germany , I have 1 left and we have joined a gym together because Ive just been sitting here like a dweeb stressing out. Iam making an effort now to try and make the best out of living in a cold country. I did write like 3 no contact texts to her ( it has been since December 28th of the break up) and I screwed no contact up. Should I write another one or just stick to no contact now without making the text again? I was an idiot and kept wondering if she was dating someone and kept texting her over dumb crap and wanting to talk I KNOW , DUMB. We have no legal problems with our son, she has a job and I pretty much get him whenever I want and she knows he is safe with me and says Im a good dad , which Iam. I do understand I do have to have contact with her over him but understand that when she calls on the matter to be very polite and short. Ive got the basic down now and want to feel better and stick to the no contact, Iam glad I found the forum because reading some of the stories here helps me relate. Iam trying to make new friends which is a bit hard in Germany and it can be quite solitary. My family was my time and having it yanked out from under me has made day to day life a struggle here without very much human contact. Iam combatting that though and forcing myself out. I would lke to return home to Florida but cannot abandon my son. Thanks for any advice Best D
BlindRage Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Apply for full custody and return to the states. I can imagine how hard it is to live in another country. On your relationship, currently, I'm in no position to give advice as I'm even going to therapy now.
Author Fentus Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 Apply for full custody and return to the states. I can imagine how hard it is to live in another country. On your relationship, currently, I'm in no position to give advice as I'm even going to therapy now. When your a foriegner over here you have 0 chance of ever being able to leave with your kid. Ive seen other guys fight that for 15 years. Stick in there with your therapy, time gets you over things and be grateful you have friends and family around you! Best D
Author Fentus Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 On a good note we did yesterday have some nice coverstaions about our son. This was before I cracked down and comitted fully to no contact last night. We left the converstaion on a good note, but now I do realize I have to damn well stick to no contact. Today is the best day I have had with it and Iam very certain I will stick to it.Iam focusing on breaking my insomnia now lol,,its an uphill climb but Iam a trooper
Karma20 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Yes stick to no contact unless it's regarding your son. It will be hard at times but it will pay off in the long run. Whenever I get the urge to contact my ex, I always say to myself if he isn't calling me then he doesn't want me to call him. Good luck.
Author Fentus Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 hi i learned to think of something negative they did to you when u get the urge to call! im diciplined enough now to stick to the theme when we make arrangements for our son. if it is all shot to hell now at least even if getting my family back does not happen im still in the right direction.
Author Fentus Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) Proud of myself, I finally talked to her about strasight business with the kid, she called about getting money for him and how to get it to her. I think I was a bit to cold and she sounded shocked. I called back to let her know i would put it in a dvd case in my sons school books to pick it up at the kindergarten, the 2nd time I sounded a bit more friendly and that I wanted to see him much more then she offered because I want to concentrate on being a good Dad. She just said she would think about it and we would talk. I left it with that and said ok and politely said good bye. I have to admit it was hard but was surprised a little that she was shocked by the attitude. Ive got to keep my dicipline and keep it up! Ive decided against a new no contact letter, Idunno why but it seems pointless to do after writing them before. Iam posting this link because the thread is locked and the stories on it help me cope, I recommend if for others going through this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=41536&page=47 Edited January 11, 2011 by Fentus
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