LadyD06 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 so idk if anyone is following me but you should check out my other threads... so ive been dating this guy for almost 4 months we have a history so seems longer. anyways i went over to his house for a visit we sat around watched tv and what not, he's hugging me kissing etc and he says "i wish you could stay here" "i say well then what you waiting for?" then he says "im go and pack all your stuff, but not your kid." WOW.....can someone give me some insight please?? why they hell would he say something like that? was he kidding or what?? fyi he hasnt met my son because im not ready for them to meet yet, but we had been talkin about it, the only other thing he said about me hiving a kid is that he doesnt want my son to not like him... understandable. but we've been talkin about it for awhile then he says something like that!!! idk i'm crushed!! what do i do??? thanks=this just happened like 10 min ago so sorry for the mad typing
lonley_heart Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Well, I'm sure he was kidding, but to say something like that, even in jest is revealing. What is his real feeling/attitude about you having a child? I have two kids and if the guy I'm seeing said anything remotely like that, even joking - I'd at the very least call him on it and get him to talk about how he feels about me having kids, what he sees as our future together, because me and my kids are a package deal, obviously...and at the most, I'd tell him to kick rocks.
daphne Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 If he were making a joke out of it, I think he would have immediately realized and tried to backslide. That's pretty f'ing harsh. It was a Freudian slip. He probably wasn't thinking before he said it, but now you know that it's kind of what he's thinking. You might have better information if you had just asked him on the spot "What do you mean by that?" in a neutral way (well, as neutral as you can be given the circumstances.) Now, you'll have to ask him in a new conversation which could yield less than honest results.
Billy_Boy Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 so idk if anyone is following me but you should check out my other threads... so ive been dating this guy for almost 4 months we have a history so seems longer. anyways i went over to his house for a visit we sat around watched tv and what not, he's hugging me kissing etc and he says "i wish you could stay here" "i say well then what you waiting for?" then he says "im go and pack all your stuff, but not your kid." WOW.....can someone give me some insight please?? why they hell would he say something like that? was he kidding or what?? fyi he hasnt met my son because im not ready for them to meet yet, but we had been talkin about it, the only other thing he said about me hiving a kid is that he doesnt want my son to not like him... understandable. but we've been talkin about it for awhile then he says something like that!!! idk i'm crushed!! what do i do??? thanks=this just happened like 10 min ago so sorry for the mad typing Sounds like a poorly executed joke... although I did chuckle when I read it, sorry. It was prob just a really inappropriate joke, does he like Family guy at all?
iJester Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Seems to me like a bad joke too(for you). It made me crack a smile.
Art_Critic Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 You really need to look at this relationship and decide if this is for you.. What he said to you was disrespectful to you and your child. In all my dating years I dated many women with kids and even married one in my first marriage and I can tell you that I would never had made a joke like that about someone's child. Call him out on it and hash it out.. but be prepared to be in a relationship with a guy that only wants to bang you and not want to be part of your WHOLE life. You can work thru this with him by only hashing it out with him.. hopefully the guy isn't a jerk in the end and he will come around to dating you understanding you are a package deal. Good Luck...
Author LadyD06 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 thanks guys but definetly not funny!!! we have talked about it before and we never really got anywhere from our conversations.... other than he doesnt want my son to not like him, and he tells me he sees a future in us etc etc. so this happened yesterday.....how do i bring it up 24 hours later?? lol i was thinking about getting him drunk then asking him about the whole situation!!! lmao what do ya'll think?? HELP!!
MorningCoffee Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 thanks guys but definetly not funny!!! we have talked about it before and we never really got anywhere from our conversations.... other than he doesnt want my son to not like him, and he tells me he sees a future in us etc etc. so this happened yesterday.....how do i bring it up 24 hours later?? lol i was thinking about getting him drunk then asking him about the whole situation!!! lmao what do ya'll think?? HELP!! Communication about sensitive issues in a mutually caring way is one part of the foundation of a couple's long-term intimacy, so this is a valuable opportunity for you both. Go for it. The more you think you might want a future with this guy, the less you'll regret raising it. No need to get him drunk, just pick your moment and you say, "you know, I know it was just a joke, an off-hand wisecrack type thing, but something you said just stuck with me, and I gotta ask you about it, k? It's this 'but not your kid' remark." and let him know it kind of jolted you, so what did he exactly mean, and go from there. My guess? He probably meant that he was thinking about you and he enjoying an overnight stay full of passion and wild sex . . so best leave the kid cared for elsewhere. Rather than he's never thinking about blending families. Just my guess. But worth it, since it bothers you, to find out how he handles the topic.
Art_Critic Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 No need to get him drunk, just pick your moment and I agree with this.. and if the guy is halfway decent he already knows the talk is coming..
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 thanks guys but definetly not funny!!! we have talked about it before and we never really got anywhere from our conversations.... other than he doesnt want my son to not like him, and he tells me he sees a future in us etc etc. so this happened yesterday.....how do i bring it up 24 hours later?? lol i was thinking about getting him drunk then asking him about the whole situation!!! lmao what do ya'll think?? HELP!! If you are not ready for the two to meet... why are you freaking out? What is wrong with him wanting you to find a babysitter for a day? Do you want to have the kid watch while you have sex?... or just sit in the other room and listen?
Art_Critic Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 If you are not ready for the two to meet... why are you freaking out? What is wrong with him wanting you to find a babysitter for a day? Do you want to have the kid watch while you have sex?... or just sit in the other room and listen? WOW...did you really just say that??
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 WOW...did you really just say that?? Well an invitation for the evening minus child doesn't necessitate a stage 5 freakout. So yes... I did indeed just say that.
Art_Critic Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 (edited) Well an invitation for the evening minus child doesn't necessitate a stage 5 freakout. So yes... I did indeed just say that. Well.. he has never met the child yet.. So she obviously uses a babysitter already.. they have been dating 4 months.. Are you saying that they should use a babysitter each time so he never has to meet the child and can have uninterrupted sex with her ? Edited January 12, 2011 by Art_Critic
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Well.. he has never met the child yet.. So she obviously uses a babysitter already.. Are you saying that they should use a babysitter each time so he never has to meet the child and can have uninterrupted sex with her ? Based on what's provided in the OP... I don't know if she has ever used a babysitter or even spent the night with him before. When she goes to stay the night.. Yes she should get a babysitter. I'm not a fan of leaving children unattended for large periods of time. It strikes me as irresponsible. I guess the question is this... Do you think his request to leave the child at her house for the evening requires a massive freakout response?
Art_Critic Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 I guess the question is this... Do you think his request to leave the child at her house for the evening requires a massive freakout response? Maybe not a massive freakout response but since he has NEVER MET the child and he reacted this way it merits a little one..
Art_Critic Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Based on what's provided in the OP... I don't know if she has ever used a babysitter or even spent the night with him before. That's true.. I was just guessing.. you are right.. maybe she hasn't taken the next step in the relationship and spent the night.. Honestly though it would not be good parenting if she had the child and had had him spend the night without there already being a relationship between him and the child and or they being already married. Many ex's have agreements with each other on that specific issue in their divorce decrees and address the NO Sleepovers.. Maybe the OP can tells us how much time she does spend with him while dating.. do they spend a good deal of time together as a couple ?
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Maybe not a massive freakout response but since he has NEVER MET the child and he reacted this way it merits a little one.. She states later that he cares whether the child like him or not. That should be much more important of a statement to consider. It has been her choice to not have them meet. Until she changes that... she has no real reason to get upset about him accepting that they are not yet to meet. Look, worrying about stuff like this is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do... but it wont get you anywhere!
Author LadyD06 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 i probably left out details for one grandma(my mom) babysits for me and i dont go over to his house everysingle night, i do spend the weekend nights with my guy when my son is at his dad's. but my guy said he wants to pack my stuff so i can MOVE IN with him!!! but not my kid..... and i thanks to all who said to not get him drunk lol. we have talked about things and he wants to be with me long term, lol the other day we were visiting his friends new house, and he made a remark saying "oh maybe we should move out here" so we've had longggg conversations about our future and the remarks like that tell me that we're on the same page!!! yayyy...BUT this i just dont want to be heartbroken in the end if he changes his mind and what not...
Art_Critic Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 but my guy said he wants to pack my stuff so i can MOVE IN with him!!! but not my kid..... Man.. I'll tell you what.. that bears more scrutiny IMO..The other poster used the word moron.. I'd have to agree.. I hope at 4 months you haven't invested to much emotionally.. I'd be discussing that and his role as a possible step parent before going any further just to see if he has any issues regarding being a step parent that you should be aware of.
O'Malley Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 (edited) we have talked about things and he wants to be with me long term, lol the other day we were visiting his friends new house, and he made a remark saying "oh maybe we should move out here" so we've had longggg conversations about our future and the remarks like that tell me that we're on the same page!!! You're not on the same page. He's bringing up the idea of sharing a life with you -- not with you and your child. I'd consider a four month relationship way too early to be discussing cohabitation anyway; this is besides the fact that he hasn't established a relationship with your child and doesn't appear interested in doing so. His comment made it clear what his feelings are. You can discuss this with him but I have the feeling you aren't going to like his response. Edited January 12, 2011 by O'Malley
dispatch3d Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 meh, no action another person takes or any life event really "justifies" a full freakout response as far as I'm concerned.
Art_Critic Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 meh, no action another person takes or any life event really "justifies" a full freakout response as far as I'm concerned. Maybe you could explain what type of response would be appropriate in the OP's case ? She hasn't done a full freakout by the way.. She has merely been questioning her future with him because he doesn't seem to include her child in it. Please give the OP some idea of what you are posting about..or even me.. I'm confused Do you mean the OP should just blow it all off ? Should she ask him about it ?
Author LadyD06 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 i agree 4 months is too soon to be talking about moving in together. and he hasnt met my son yet etc. so since he hasnt met my son when do you all think is a good time frame for him to meet my son?? i dont want to be too far into the relationship and have it be a dead end.... has anyone been in this situation?? thanks for everyones help my eyes are wide open now
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