youngskywalker Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I learned something here from LS... which is, when dating a girl you need to make your move right away. Meaning, second date you need to kiss her. Third date you should be making out. I was against this at first (I'm rather old school) but I gave it a try recently... drum roll please... it worked! Now we've seen each other 5 times or so and we had brief sex and serious making out. We talked about taking things slow so last time we were together I played the protective guy and didn't have sex even thought I could have. She says she want to take things slow but when we are together it gets HOT! All that is besides the point. My question is, should I just take her down when she's hot and ready? What happens to a woman when you have sex with her and how does she become attached to you? I want to keep her around. So I can either go ahead and bang her no problem or just play the protective guy and make out and not have sex. Soooooo what goes through the mind and emotions of a woman with sex? If I have sex with her is she more likely to become attached?
Confusedalways Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 That's going to depend... how old are you/ her?
Titania22 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I think if the sex is good, that is what will make her attached.
Star Gazer Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 All that is besides the point. My question is, should I just take her down when she's hot and ready? What happens to a woman when you have sex with her and how does she become attached to you? I want to keep her around. So I can either go ahead and bang her no problem or just play the protective guy and make out and not have sex. Soooooo what goes through the mind and emotions of a woman with sex? If I have sex with her is she more likely to become attached? She won't get attached if she senses you're merely "banging" her. That's such a derogatory phrase.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 She won't get attached if she senses you're merely "banging" her. That's such a derogatory phrase. Totally true, once she figures that out she'll drop you faster then a crazy cat with 6 inch claws.
Emilia Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 if the sex is good and there is intimacy, she will be attached. make sure you show her plenty of affection
Author youngskywalker Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 The intimacy has been great so far. No problems there. I'm confused about this however... when we talk about sex she says she'd like to take it slow or even wait. But when we are together and making out she tells me she wants it. So which one do I go with?
SmileFace Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 The intimacy has been great so far. No problems there. I'm confused about this however... when we talk about sex she says she'd like to take it slow or even wait. But when we are together and making out she tells me she wants it. So which one do I go with? Haha things like this make me happy I am not attracted to women. Ask her what she really wants. She is sending mixed signals.
Jazzari Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I'm in a similar situation, only I'm the girl. And yes, sex will make me more attached. Like your girlfriend, I would like to take it slow. But when things get hot, wow! If my man had pushed, he could have had me by now. But I think pushing would have been a mistake. I would possibly have regrets the next day or feel insecure that I gave in too soon. It might have impacted the relationship. And besides, waiting is driving me crazy and making me want him even more. But at some point, it will be time. I can't say when that will be (soon for me!) but you don't want to wait too long. Hopefully you will know when it's right.
Andy_K Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Sleep with her as soon as possible. When a girl sleeps with a guy she's getting to know it's like a switch goes off in her head - instead of thinking 'Do I like him?', 'Do I want to see him again?' it becomes 'Does he like me?' and 'When can I see him again?'. You also have to take into account the internal slut-factor. Once a girl has slept with a guy, sleeping with him again doesn't increase her 'magic number' and therefore her slut-factor. It's a low risk option! Quite likely even a guy she's not too sure about she'll keep seeing in order to (try to) prove to herself it wasn't a mistake. Once the deed is done the dating dynamic changes. This is why if a girl has to choose between a guy who's not that great a match for her that she's already slept with a few times, and a guy who is clearly a much better match that she hasn't slept with, she'll go for the guy she's already slept with nine times out of ten.
january2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I'm confused about this however... when we talk about sex she says she'd like to take it slow or even wait. But when we are together and making out she tells me she wants it. So which one do I go with? In my experience, it means that her body wants to go head but her head or heart is saying, "no, wait." It probably stems from some fear of the consequences. Perhaps she wonders if you will think less of her for having sex too early or she may have had bad outcomes from having sex too early and doesn't want to make the same mistake again or she's set up having sex as some kind of end-stage and isn't ready to move onto the next stage of the relationship yet. Who knows? But you might if you ask her. SmileFace's suggestion is a good starting point. In addition, if you're happy to say it, I also suggest telling her that you don't want her to feel pressured and you're happy to go at her pace because you'd rather that she really wanted it to happen and enjoyed it rather than it being some kind of expectation to be fulfilled. Of course, all this assumes that you don't mind taking it at her pace.
FreeheartLover Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 The intimacy has been great so far. No problems there. I'm confused about this however... when we talk about sex she says she'd like to take it slow or even wait. But when we are together and making out she tells me she wants it. So which one do I go with? My bf and I waited 3 weeks after meeting to sleep together. When we were together, though, I would practically beg for it. But we decided to wait and we did, and I'm glad we did. I'd say have a conversation with her about it! Set a deadline : )
Author youngskywalker Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 Set a deadline : ) We did I guess I can use that to my advantage now and hold her too it. It's not easy though because she literally begs me to do it when we are making out like you said. I just want to keep this girl for a LTR I want to keep her coming back for more. We make out all the way, just not intercourse. That part we wish to wait on. I'm only scared that when she begs me I'm dropping the ball somehow. Will she still respect me if I hold off on her because earlier she told me to wait? Get what I'm saying? It seems to me like the answers in this thread point to that it's ok to keep her at bay for awhile.
Emilia Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 The intimacy has been great so far. No problems there. I'm confused about this however... when we talk about sex she says she'd like to take it slow or even wait. But when we are together and making out she tells me she wants it. So which one do I go with? I would ask her. just like you say in your other posts further down, tell her that this particular issue confuses you and you don't want to do the wrong thing.
Goodstuff Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 U gota take it to the next level or else she'll sense your hesistation and look for another man. Remember they want sex as much as men do.
tigressA Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I agree with SmileFace--ask her. With one past boyfriend I (well, we) waited about 4 months before having intercourse--not that you have to wait that long! There were a lot of times I told him I wanted to do it. He would stop and ask me "Are you sure? I want it to be good for you; I don't want you to regret anything." I thought it was sweet that he was so considerate, and yes, when I stopped to think about it I wasn't really ready.
FreeheartLover Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 We did I guess I can use that to my advantage now and hold her too it. It's not easy though because she literally begs me to do it when we are making out like you said. I just want to keep this girl for a LTR I want to keep her coming back for more. We make out all the way, just not intercourse. That part we wish to wait on. I'm only scared that when she begs me I'm dropping the ball somehow. Will she still respect me if I hold off on her because earlier she told me to wait? Get what I'm saying? It seems to me like the answers in this thread point to that it's ok to keep her at bay for awhile. Hold to the deadline you set. If you cave, she'll know she has the power and you couldn't hold out. Tease her to holy hell and make her regret begging for it. You can still have a good time without actual sex, you know.
luvflower Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) If I have sex with her is she more likely to become attached? I'm sure you've come to your own conclusions by now, but I just wanted to chime in real quick. IMO, it all depends on the female. As mentioned by someone earlier, some females can sense what a guy's motive is str8 out the gate. Some women have their own agenda as well because they've simply been there/done that and the guy could perhaps just not be what she's looking for. More importantly though, for a while now women have gone through the "hit it& quit it" mentality from "some" men so much to the point where some women have developed the same mentality no matter how sweet the woman may seem (sad, yet true). ...Relationships leave marks on males and females, but we females are not always the ones getting attached first due to sex. Several dudes seem to have become attached to me more so than I was. When I've tried to pull back, is when the games start. What's really sad though, is the fact that the word "attached" is used in a derogatory way regarding emotions after sex. Sex is meant for an attachment...not just for recreation. What is this world coming to... Edited January 11, 2011 by luvflower
Author youngskywalker Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 Hold to the deadline you set. If you cave, she'll know she has the power and you couldn't hold out. Tease her to holy hell and make her regret begging for it. You can still have a good time without actual sex, you know. Freeheartlover, sounds great... that's the one I'm going with. I just love it when she begs me too.... just LOVE it. The tension is so immense between us it's unreal. Tonight at dinner I'll talk about it a little and make sure she's still on board with waiting till our time... if she still, is I'm going to hold her to it no matter what And you're right we have an AWESOME time together without intercourse.
FreeheartLover Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Freeheartlover, sounds great... that's the one I'm going with. I just love it when she begs me too.... just LOVE it. The tension is so immense between us it's unreal. Tonight at dinner I'll talk about it a little and make sure she's still on board with waiting till our time... if she still, is I'm going to hold her to it no matter what And you're right we have an AWESOME time together without intercourse. Trust me, by the time you guys do connsumate the relationship, you'll be wanting each other so bad it'll be great sex.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 If both parties are hot for each other I don't know how you refrain from just running with it. There are no guarantees that cautions and restraints are going to eliminate the potential for a relationship to end. So, FWIW I would just thank my lucky stars and let it happen. Done it. And wouldn't trade those reckless abandons in.
Author youngskywalker Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) There are no guarantees that cautions and restraints are going to eliminate the potential for a relationship to end. That's true. But there isn't a guarantee that sex is going help the relationship stick together either. Depending on the type of girl it could make her feel guilty (I've had it happen in the past). The girl I'm dating now is more on the traditional/conservative side. But, she has natural desires like everyone else and I don't want to take advantage of that if she REALLY in her mind wants to wait. So it comes down to mixed signals. I simply have to choose which signal I'm going to go with for now and I'm going to go with what we decide in a level headed talk vs. what she says when we are getting romantic. I've thanked the lucky stars too in the past concerning flings but I'm shooting for a LTR with this girl. If I wasn't that serious about her I wouldn't be posting this thread. Edited January 11, 2011 by youngskywalker
daphne Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 She won't get attached if she senses you're merely "banging" her. That's such a derogatory phrase. Don't be so uptight. I'm sure it means he really cares for and respects this girl.
daphne Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 The intimacy has been great so far. No problems there. I'm confused about this however... when we talk about sex she says she'd like to take it slow or even wait. But when we are together and making out she tells me she wants it. So which one do I go with? You probably don't want the truth but she wants you to respect what she says not in the heat of the moment. If she likes you, this goes a long way. Besides, being able to control your urges is a turn on for a girl who's not in a hurry.
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