Why is it not possible for an Alpha Male and Alpha Female to be together

[singlelife]

I have noticed that 2 Alpha types cannot be together longterm in a relationship. You would think that they would make it work but it's really not possible. Wondered why that is.

[Keridan]

Same reason 2 alpha males cannot. They are both used to dominating in some way. It's ingrained in their personality. Compromise has to be reached and that's hard to do if it's the same type of leading. If they are used to being the funniest or smartest or best looking in the room, they will compete instead of enjoying the other's traits.

 

There is the possibility they have different strengths that compliment each other, but that is less common. Usually in a group of friends, the same trait dominates for both genders.

 

Just a thought, but I think it applies.

[D-Lish]

When you put 2 people together that thrive on control, it's not likely that either will want to make the concessions necessary to make things work.

[singlelife]

So I guess a female that is Alpha is more compatible with a laid back guy. And an Alpha male is more compatible with with a laid back woman.

 

My only question is most women are attracted to Alpha males. SO if you are an Alpha female you will more than likely be compatible with the type of male that isn't desired by most women. How does that work when you see other females out with Alpha males that everybody wants. Does this make you not appreciate your man knowing that he is not a go getter.

[Keridan]

I think you need to define alpha in your eyes for the best answer. There is usually a leader, but depending on the pack, different traits put them in charge. What do you see as an alpha male and an alpha female?

 

There are groups of friends where I am the front-runner for humor and ability to have fun. Other groups I'm in the background because I don't share their passion for literature, political debate, or money obsession.

[singlelife]

It's just a general question. I mean in the same setting. If you guys are part of the same group, club, etc.

[threebyfate]

I have noticed that 2 Alpha types cannot be together longterm in a relationship. You would think that they would make it work but it's really not possible. Wondered why that is.

We do make it work!

[shadowofman]

What the hell is an Alpha female?

[zengirl]

Because anyone who describes themselves as an "Alpha" anything is a jerk who doesn't get along with people, thrives on control, and is trying to justify their social failings by claiming to be strong in some way.

[threebyfate]

To expand on my previous post about making it work, my husband and I are both alpha to the max. But we make it work because we're very similar in how we process information. Add in that we share near identical values since we were raised in similar ways and it works well.

 

This is by and large the easiest and most fulfilling relationship I've ever had.

[Jazzari]

I define Alpha as someone who makes things happen, rather than just reacting to the world around them. They are take charge people who are confident and secure in who they are. They lead, they don't follow.

 

My husband and I were both Alphas. Our marriage was anything but calm and placid but it was a great one and I wouldn't have traded one second for the world. I think it worked because instead of competing with each other, we were a team who set out to accomplish goals together.

[january2011]

I see an alpha female and an alpha male as a power couple. E.g., the Obamas, the Clintons, Jay Z and Beyonce, etc.

 

Someone still has to submit though. If this is done on a fairly equitable basis without a huge loss in ego and the couple take turns in their dominance, it may work. In my opinion, two alphas work best if there is not too much overlap in skillsets and they're willing to submit to the stronger partner as the situation requires.

 

I agree with Jazzari and both need to work as a team for mutual benefit. What's important is that both are willing to stick it out even if, at one point in time, one agenda is pushed forward at the expense of the other agenda. Thus in the long-term, both partners are better able to reach their personal goals by being part of the power couple, which may not be possible if they were each matched with a beta.

Edited January 11, 2011 by january2011

[zengirl]

I see an alpha female and an alpha male as a power couple. E.g., the Obamas, the Clintons, Jay Z and Beyonce, etc.

 

I see the Clintons and Jay Z and Beyonce that way, and all of those people seem exceedingly difficult. I never get the impression that the Obamas are terribly difficult or feisty people -- they seem endlessly level-headed, patient, intelligent, and filled with decorum to me. I just don't see them as declaring themselves "Alpha." I met President Obama at a function before he'd won the nomination, and he seemed like a professor. Very in his head, and not at all puffed up.

[Woggle]

Alpha does not mean a bully. You can have a strong personality and be a go getter without being an obnoxious bully. I wish more people would understand that. A relationship between alphas can work if they realize that it doesn't have to be a power struggle.

[january2011]

See what you mean, zengirl.

 

I do wonder how important it is to the definition that individuals who are considered 'alpha' by others declare themselves as such. If I were to put Michelle Obama and Samantha Cameron in a room, I'd consider Michelle Obama to be the alpha female. Not so, if it were Michelle and Queen Elizabeth II - I'd consider Her Majesty to be the alpha.

 

Off-the-top-of-my-head, I consider 'alphaness' to include personality traits, physical characteristics and behaviour as well as elements such as power, seniority and fame*. That is, place that person in any room in the world, and who would most people defer to? Thus, for me, whether they consider themselves alpha or not, they may find themselves placed into that category by others due to their perceived status compared to the other individuals in the room.

 

And how amazing that you met the President of the United States before he got the job.

 

*Not an exhaustive list

[zengirl]

Alpha does not mean a bully. You can have a strong personality and be a go getter without being an obnoxious bully. I wish more people would understand that. A relationship between alphas can work if they realize that it doesn't have to be a power struggle.

 

I have a very strong personality, and I'm definitely a go-getter, but I'd never call myself an Alpha. All the people I know who do that are jerks. Without fail. I don't think two go-getters have issues in relationships at all, nor does a true go-getter get into power struggles. At least not a smart go-getter. Rarely do you win anything in a power struggle, at least in my experience. Success is not at all about aggression in most cases.

 

As far as go-getters go, I know many such relationships. I do like a balance of introvert/extrovert in a relationship, but an introvert can totally be a go-getter. My BF is a successful person, a go-getter, and has a strong personality, but he's also a bit introverted/quiet, maybe even "shy" by some definitions. And I just dig introverts because, extroverted as I am, I have some introvert tendencies. Not because I feel like two extroverts 'overpower' anything.

 

People who get into power struggles, or feel like their difficulty with people is just their "strong personality" or whatever they want to call themselves, will rarely have successful relationships with anyone (alpha, beta, omega, delta. . . pick any Greek letter you want) until they get over it. That's my view.

[threebyfate]

Alpha does not mean a bully. You can have a strong personality and be a go getter without being an obnoxious bully. I wish more people would understand that. A relationship between alphas can work if they realize that it doesn't have to be a power struggle.

Exactly! We work together towards what we both want or work individually towards what we each want in areas that don't affect the other person.

 

When it's in areas that affect each other, he leads when it's his strength and I lead when it's mine. When it comes to equal abilities, I let him lead unless he's going off-course. Then, he's smart enough to back off and let me lead.

 

This takes a lot of respect and trust for the other person. We give and take it. Works like a hot damn!

 

And yes, we're both Alphas!!

[Untouchable_Fire]

Exactly! We work together towards what we both want or work individually towards what we each want in areas that don't affect the other person.

When it's in areas that affect each other, he leads when it's his strength and I lead when it's mine. When it comes to equal abilities, I let him lead unless he's going off-course. Then, he's smart enough to back off and let me lead.

This takes a lot of respect and trust for the other person. We give and take it. Works like a hot damn!

And yes, we're both Alphas!!

 

From what I see an Alpha or Type A man can do well in a relationship with many different types of woman, however they perform best with other Type A women.

 

Type A or Alpha women almost require a similarly dominant male. A man they can push around can sometimes seem attractive, but rarely for long periods as they find it hard to respect that kind of guy.

 

Being a medium dominance style of male... strong type A women drive me nuts in the long run. It always makes me feel like I'm trying to break in a horse... constantly having to thwart challenges to my lead.

[singlelife]

From what I see an Alpha or Type A man can do well in a relationship with many different types of woman, however they perform best with other Type A women.

 

Type A or Alpha women almost require a similarly dominant male. A man they can push around can sometimes seem attractive, but rarely for long periods as they find it hard to respect that kind of guy.

 

Being a medium dominance style of male... strong type A women drive me nuts in the long run. It always makes me feel like I'm trying to break in a horse... constantly having to thwart challenges to my lead.

 

 

this is the issue most deal with.

[sally4sara]

this is the issue most deal with.

 

You know, I could see that when one is so often easily challenged.

 

I think that's the difference between posturing alphas and real alphas be they either gender. One doesn't have the time to wonder "am I an alpha?" while the other is "I'd so be the alpha if you'd just let me have my way!".

[Ometeotl]

Hehe,

 

This is funny to me. Mainly because I seem to attract "Alpha" Ladies. Being an "Alpha Male" this can be a recipe for mayhem, great sex, but MAYHEM!

 

I am the observationally type, so I like to see what she does when she is leading, and what I do when I am leading. If she is a great leader and brings harmony to things, I share. If not, I take control.

 

If we are talking about all this basic animal tendencies and all that, EVERY woman in the back of their mind KNOWS that we are physically stronger and such so I try and remind an alpha woman, that if she is going to go in to bitch mode it may trigger my beast mode, and NOBODY NOBODY NOBODY wants that. At this point she will generally take her spanking and call it good, if not, I have to remove myself from her in the best interest of all of us.

 

Generally thats how I work with this situation. In the end though, if you cant work together, its just not going to work.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Hehe,

This is funny to me. Mainly because I seem to attract "Alpha" Ladies. Being an "Alpha Male" this can be a recipe for mayhem, great sex, but MAYHEM!

I am the observationally type, so I like to see what she does when she is leading, and what I do when I am leading. If she is a great leader and brings harmony to things, I share. If not, I take control.

If we are talking about all this basic animal tendencies and all that, EVERY woman in the back of their mind KNOWS that we are physically stronger and such so I try and remind an alpha woman, that if she is going to go in to bitch mode it may trigger my beast mode, and NOBODY NOBODY NOBODY wants that. At this point she will generally take her spanking and call it good, if not, I have to remove myself from her in the best interest of all of us.

Generally thats how I work with this situation. In the end though, if you cant work together, its just not going to work.

 

... when did wife beating come back into fashion?...

[Woggle]

I find that with women that call themselves alphas it is really insecurity. If you dig deeper with many super independent hear me roar types you will find that underneath the rough exterior they are as soft as jelly. They put on that armor so nobody will notice that softness. On the other hand I have women that are as sweet and feminine as can be but inside they were as strong as steel. The same concept can apply to men as well.

[AD1980]

this site really overanalyzes the whole alpha thing

[dispatch3d]

aye, i agree the alpha's are really just control freaks. They want everything done their way. It is just incredibly difficult to be around them because noone gets a say except them.