dont-be-naive Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 It seems to be covered here. but I'm asking YOU why YOU haven't suggested focusing on the H?
dont-be-naive Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Well, the story itself could be real, except I'm a little doubtful about the part where the hubby supposedly catches her lover and her in bed. I think a broken jaw is getting off kinda lightly in that situation, eh? light is right. And H should have escorted her out of the house without any clothes on when he caught them. Because, afterall, I wouldn't suggest he slug his wife, but she deserved something of equal magnitude or greater that didn't involve violence as a consequence for her.
dont-be-naive Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 It's interesting because I had a weird feeling about this thread too but I'm in no position to judge considering my current situation. even though I have no love for cheaters, your situation is different. you confessed of your own free will. she got caught and would still be spreadin' 'em for other guys if H had not walked in. You feel true remorse and even though your H isn't angry, yet, you know that he would be justified and you would suffer through it for him. Not this woman. She acted all appalled that he'd yell at her because of what she did. She acted almost as if he isn't entitled to be as angry as he is.
JustJoe Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Well, the story itself could be real, except I'm a little doubtful about the part where the hubby supposedly catches her lover and her in bed. I think a broken jaw is getting off kinda lightly in that situation, eh? Seems that would have ended much worse. Moreover, how did they get caught in bed? Did he just sneak into his own house. He surely would have heard footsteps and tried to jump out of the second-story window buck naked in the snow, even, right? If it's a troll, it's a good one.Not really AK. Your point about the lack of a fat-lip is a good one. Also how is it that she didn't know he was coming home? And if he is doing "secret ", work, why does she know about that, but doesn't know who he works for? And how does she know it's dangerous? There are way too many inconsistencies in this story.
Woggle Posted January 18, 2011 Posted January 18, 2011 Well, the story itself could be real, except I'm a little doubtful about the part where the hubby supposedly catches her lover and her in bed. I think a broken jaw is getting off kinda lightly in that situation, eh? Seems that would have ended much worse. Moreover, how did they get caught in bed? Did he just sneak into his own house. He surely would have heard footsteps and tried to jump out of the second-story window buck naked in the snow, even, right? If it's a troll, it's a good one. I caught my ex in bed with another guy and there no violence whatsoever though I have never seen a man get dressed and run out of a house that fast. It was not worth going to prison over.
BenThereDunThat Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Wow! 227 posts on a troll thread....must be some kind of record. I'm not sayin'...I'm just sayin'.
2themoon&back Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 but I'm asking YOU why YOU haven't suggested focusing on the H? asked and answered
JustJoe Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Maybe she went on a dangerous secret mission fo a "U.S. Agency"?
Author claraj Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 I came home from work a few minutes ago and checked my mailbox. Seems you folks were right again. I have been officially served. He's suing me also for emotional distress and alimony. All I will say is that I'm sad and hurt that I've caused him this much pain, and that he wants to get rid of me. I thought maybe we'll talk again a couple more times but I guess he has nothing more to say to me. Guess I will tell this to my counselor and my lawyer tomorrow.
stillafool Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Yeah, well there it is. You can stop wondering now. I think it is best this way because your husband will never, ever get the picture of you in his bed s----wing that guy. You just have to take care of you now. BTW, how old are you?
Author claraj Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Yeah, well there it is. You can stop wondering now. I think it is best this way because your husband will never, ever get the picture of you in his bed s----wing that guy. You just have to take care of you now. BTW, how old are you? Thirty-one.
bentnotbroken Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 You lie!!! When you are served divorce papers you are served IN PERSON not through the mail. This is true at least in my area. I had to give info about where Mr. Messy would be( or supposed to be) during the day so that he could be served so the excuse " I didn't get any papers" can't be used.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Thirty-one. I am 28, if you put full time effort into working out your own issues, you can make some major major headway in the next couple of years. 86% of women remarry but you need to find a relationship more cohesive. Someone who is away that long on a regular basis isn't going to be able to provide a whole bunch of intimate connection. If you don't have a strong social network and if you aren't really centered, that leaves you vulnerable. I am not saying that all is excusable, I am just saying that you are going to have to face all of your demons at least once to find some inner peace. At the very least let this divorce be a wake-up call. You are not old, so don't just fall away in guilt and shame. Don't shack up with Pride either. They'll all bring you right back down to your lowest point.
Author claraj Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 I am 28, if you put full time effort into working out your own issues, you can make some major major headway in the next couple of years. 86% of women remarry but you need to find a relationship more cohesive. Someone who is away that long on a regular basis isn't going to be able to provide a whole bunch of intimate connection. If you don't have a strong social network and if you aren't really centered, that leaves you vulnerable. I am not saying that all is excusable, I am just saying that you are going to have to face all of your demons at least once to find some inner peace. At the very least let this divorce be a wake-up call. You are not old, so don't just fall away in guilt and shame. Don't shack up with Pride either. They'll all bring you right back down to your lowest point. Thanks dreamingoftigers. Yes I know what you mean by having a strong circle of friends and such, and I did have a strong one by the way. I missed my husband a lot when he was gone and I handled it in one of the worse ways. Now I lost him and most of my friends in the process, and have angered some family members. I know what happened is inexcusable and maybe this divorce will be a wake-up call, but I can't help but feel guilt and shame for myself. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and all I see is someone who I don't like.
Steadfast Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I know what happened is inexcusable and maybe this divorce will be a wake-up call, but I can't help but feel guilt and shame for myself. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and all I see is someone who I don't like. These are good words. Inexcusable, absolutely but not unforgivable. Encouraging to see you taking responsibility for your actions and not hiding that guilt and shame in entitlement. Follow that through. It's the way out-
Woggle Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 You can't undo what happened but use this to become a better person in the future and never make the same mistake again.
Distant78 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 So now that it's 99.9% that this marriage is over I hope you will continue to seek help to better yourself to NEVER do anything like this again. Next time you have a good man you do whatever is possible to keep yourself occupied from cheating when he's not there for you everyday, and you handle any other marital issues maturely for that matter. Hope you still plan to not fight him on this divorce?
Mimolicious Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I know what I've done was wrong but he wasn't there for me a lot. He just came back from doing secret jobs for a U.S. agency for almost a year with minimal contact. I just couldn't handle the pain of being alone. I called my co-worker 30 minutes ago and told him I was sorry he got hit in his jaw but I can't do the affair no more. He said fine angrily then hung up. I don't know why some of you people are so bitter and mean. Can't you just understand my situation and have empathy? Wait, who's bitter and mean? Whoa! People are crazy. So wait, your H is basically a "secret agent" and all he did was punch your OM on the jaw. He should be fired! I don't feel safe with such a personel repping the security of my country. Ok, let me stop... Let me give you a (HUG) hone *pause*...cause you've done F'ed Up! Sorry for your loss but sounds like your marriage is a wrap. Next time, take it to a telly. No, I have no sympathy for you or your OM. You probably had a good man and most likely just added another rotten apple to the basket by screwing (literally) his head up. (I just read the first page of your thread, hope that 11 pages later you and your H ain't in no honeymoon bullshyte, cause then he really needs HIS a$$ kicked).
What_Next Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Not that I believe this thread, because I don't, if it is true, then there is more guesswork. Do your Ex-H a favour, make it quick and painless. Don't drag it out. Move on, put this behind you and let it be a beacon for the rest of your days.
Mimolicious Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Listen lady I don't know who you are but you aren't helping me by attacking me. Go and take care of your husband and leave me and my business alone. You and everyone else posting mean comments are not helping me. ClaraJ, How old are you? I wonder... because if you find every other person "mean", then you maybe need to get out the sandbox already.
bentnotbroken Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 ClaraJ, How old are you? I wonder... because if you find every other person "mean", then you maybe need to get out the sandbox already. She says she is 31.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Oh lets coddle the cheater and put the blame squarely on her husband. You don't know if he was a "secret agent". You only know what the wayward spouse wants you to know. He should be fired ? How should have he reacted ? Crawled up in a fetal position and cried ? He reacted with anger, which is I feel is normal in the situation where SHE put him in. He is the victim, not her lets get that straight. If anyone needs a good PROVERBIAL azz kicking, it is Clara, not her husband. He didn't lay a hand on her, he layed a hand on the other man. How about showing some sympathy for the husband who is also grieving his loss and making a great decision to leave this woman instead of coddling her and showing sympathy for the other man. Mimolicious is saying the he should have done much worse given the circumstances, not that he shouldn't have hit anyone. She's saying that she doesn't feel safe because all he did was slam the guy in the jaw.
Duckduckgoose Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Hell if I caught my spouse in my bed with someone else... I would go after HIM, not her! And there would be some bullet holes in his ass so he would never forget me. Seriously... used to know a guy that cheated on his first wife. He said he did it because she was psycho. He was selling Avon on the side, and was servicing his customers too. She comes home and finds him in bed with a lady, and the first words out of his mouth are "I'm selling Avon!"
Jesse_R Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 (edited) He was away working to make money that made your life more comfortable and that's your excuse for cheating? Do you think he went to work for fun? Single men need very little money - he was working for YOU. You want empathy? I have empathy for HIM, not you. You are a low life who deserves to feel bad. You feel bad because you were in the wrong. Stop trying to excuse your disgraceful behaviour with lame excuses. You are a bad person, it's that simple. Accept your just deserts, you deserve a lot worse than just feeling bad, you're getting off light. He showed enormous restraint by merely punching just the guy. And now you are setting yourself up to use the "he's violent" excuse? If he was going to hit you he would have hit you there and then - and you know it! You make me sick. Edited January 23, 2011 by Jesse_R
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