karam083 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 So I just experienced my first REAL heartbreak at the age of 22. I've been crying and feeling crappy for 2 days now =/ This is the first girl i've had real feelings for. I think I may have fallen too hard, too fast. But the story goes, I msg this girl on facebook (friend of a friend) not expecting anything, eventually I ask her to hang out (indirectly) and she accepts. We start dating and she invites me to meet her close friends on the 3rd date. The 3rd date goes very well, and we make out in her room. its safe to say that she digs me and I'm doing things right. Her cousin even says that she likes me. Everything goes well until a month into dating she hits me with, "I love hanging out with you, but I just came out of a relationship and i'm not ready to start another one, I just wanna be friends". Now I never hinted at anything other than dating, I was always playful, and a little naughty . I later find out that she got out of her past relationship on good terms because she wanted 'me' time to figure out her life and possibly travel. So, we continue to see eachother, but as friends now. I hold back kissing her, but everything feels the same other then that. Cuddling, touching, her flirting with me (playful punches), etc. We become closer as friends and everything is going well, we met eachother's family and close friends aswell. now, everything goes downhill when I start to get feelings for her (i dont tell her), but this friends thing is starting to be very painful for me, I want more. being scared to kiss her, when I had no problems doing it before. eventually it starts to catch up and this past weekend at the club for her bday, I can't handle it anymore. I mean I got some attention from her and we were dancing and touching, but I expected more from her after 3months of "dating/friends" and I got hurt. I also saw her flirting with an old friend, and texting her ex, she was extremely drunk but it still hurt me. I end up leaving with my friend without saying bye, only to have her call me and ask where I went! She calls me the next day to ask if I had a good time, I initially say yes, but I couldn't keep living with this pain, so I told her that the end of the night wasn't the greatest. I didn't want to talk about it over the phone, rather in person, but she wouldn't let up. So I tell her that this just friends thing is hurting me, and that i dunno if I can handle it anymore, aka I wanna start dating again. We talk for a bit and she states that she just wants a friend, she's not in a relationship place but loves my company, and that she understands if we can't be friends anymore but doesn't want that to happen at all, aka she got sad. I respond with, " I love hanging out with you too, but I just don't know". Being her friend and knowing we don't want the same thing is heartbreaking, things don't feel right anymore after that talk, it feels like the end. Now that you have bared with my story (thank you!), here comes the questions and heartbreak. 1) I'm wondering if I was right to bring up that 'just friends' is hurting me? Everything would have stayed the same if I didn't bring it up. her cousin advised me to be her friend and wait, but NOT pressure her, i'm thinking letting her know she's hurting me was a bad idea, and ruined everything. 2) She still wants to be friends and still calls me to hang out, is it better for me to just end things even though I really want to be with her? All I have to do is wait right? it just hurts a lot 3) I have a feeling that she'll date other people if I fade away, seeing that she dated me a month and a bit after her break up. Was I just a rebound? 4) We still talk, its not the same, but Im starting to subtly push the 'lets just have fun' mentality by just flirting like crazy and acting like I was when we first met (not caring as much, dating others, teasing ALOT). Should I try for FWB, or is this just gonna hurt us more? 5) Is there a possibility of us ever picking things up? maybe I'll just date others in the meantime, maybe one day she'll be ready. I know this is long, but I really really appreciate the advice of the old more experienced members! =]
Kinder-Horror Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 1) I'm wondering if I was right to bring up that 'just friends' is hurting me? Everything would have stayed the same if I didn't bring it up. ....... i'm thinking letting her know she's hurting me was a bad idea, and ruined everything. It did ruin everything... but the "everything" you had at the moment really wasn't good and it really wasn't what you wanted. You said it was painful - you said it was hurting you... so yes, it was a GOOD idea to bring it to her attention. 2) She still wants to be friends and still calls me to hang out, is it better for me to just end things even though I really want to be with her? All I have to do is wait right? it just hurts a lot In my own, very humble opinion - it sounds like she doesn't ever want to date you. I think she does genuinely enjoy your company - which is why this whole waiting game keeps coming up - she wants you around, so if the false hope of you two eventually being together is what will keep you around for now, so be it. 3) I have a feeling that she'll date other people if I fade away, seeing that she dated me a month and a bit after her break up. Was I just a rebound? I have a feeling she will date other people even if you stick around. She was texting her ex at that party, right? While she was drunk? It probably wasn't to talk about the weather. 4) We still talk, its not the same, but Im starting to subtly push the 'lets just have fun' mentality by just flirting like crazy and acting like I was when we first met (not caring as much, dating others, teasing ALOT). Which is good. I think you should actually try not to care as much and maybe date others for your own sake - not just for show. Should I try for FWB, or is this just gonna hurt us more? I think you will end up hurting more in the end. 5) Is there a possibility of us ever picking things up? maybe I'll just date others in the meantime, maybe one day she'll be ready. Anything is possible. It sounds like your emotional state has you reaching really hard on this one: maybe if you wait it out, maybe if you are FWB, maybe if you go back to pretending you don't want to date and just want to be friends. You are justifying any possible reason to stick around for this girl. I think you should move on and stop hanging out with her. Try to find someone else, because there is someone else out there who will want to date you and not want to play games. (And chances are, when you do find a new girl, this girl will come running your way again)
pookster72 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) if she really wanted to be with you i doubt her recent break up would stop her. sounds like she likes the attention you're giving her more than anything else. if you want a chance with her i suggest ignoring her for a while and moving on with your life. she'll probably come crying back to you knowing the way women are, but whether or not her appeals will be genuine are unclear. she want to be free to do whatever with other guys, but she also wants you to be available should that not work out. Edited January 11, 2011 by pookster72
Author karam083 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 Yea, I think i'm just gonna block her from facebook chat, and not call/msg her for a bit. As I said before she told me she wasn't in a relationship place at all, she needed time to figure her life out, career, housing, possibly going to teach english over seas. I'm guessing she feels lonely now that she's single and likes having me around as a 'friend' while she gets her act together. I just have this gut feeling that she wants to be with me aswell, she has no real male friends yet she always talks to me/calls, the timing just isn't right. I could be wrong tho. I plan on dating other people in the meantime, maybe i'll find something better? I also plan on msging her next week for coffee and bringing this up casually, "So, I've been doing some thinking about everything, and I realize that I may have wanted to rush into things. I understand that you really need your me time right now and that life can be scary, but I just want you to know that I do like you, and am willing to move at your pace" thoughts?
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