ComeUndone Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 His frenulum is really tight and bulges out along the length of the underside of his penis, and he has a round lump around an inch in diameter on the top side, which is probably a fat deposit. So he isn't like the elephant man down there or anything, but it's not great. And comeundone, we are not talking the first or second time we had sex. We had sex maybe 6 times before he was my bf, and he improved leaps and bounds with each time. I was happily shocked by how quickly he was picking it up, even more so considering his limitations. I think his communication skills took a nose dive after we were bf/gf, and the sex is just one sideeffect of that. Surrealist, I know for a fact that he wasn't even aware that is penis was anything out of the usual, until I accidently (untactfully) asked him about it during a very unpleasant skype conversation (during that period when he was on the attack with the third degree about everything). Which is sort of the point of this thread, so I can avoid such fopars in the future. On the bright side I never mentioned his lack of size. I was referring to your future sexual relationships, since you had indicated you were moving on from this guy
Author Titania22 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 I gotta say Titania you are a better woman than I am. If I ever came across what you just described, I would be out of there You can do better girl! Thanks Ocean Girl. Ouch, when I read that I honestly actually grimaced. Oh dear, this may be something he will bear in mind for quite a while, and contrary to popular opinion, guys can actually use sex, specifically withholding it, as a kind of punishment. Hopefully he has either forgotten or forgiven should the sex resume normalcy again. I know, awful isn't it. As for guys withholding sex, i know all about that. My exboyfriend withheld sex for a year when I ran out of available credit on my credit cards for him to spend. He still owes me heaps of money. I was referring to your future sexual relationships, since you had indicated you were moving on from this guy Sorry for the misunderstanding ComeUndone.
oaks Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Maybe you guys can inform me, how to communicate to improve the sex, rather than either 'keep me mouth shut and suffer in silence' or 'fill him with such anxiety as sex never happens again'. "While you're down there, why don't you .... and see if I like it?" "I like it when you ..." "I'd like it if you ..." or show him... if he's moving his fingers the wrong way then grab his hand and move it a different way and say "like this" but don't say "I don't like the way you ..." unless you can offer a suggestion for improvement or that might increase any anxiety. Of course he might be doing it a certain way because it's good for him, and your suggested improvement (for you) might not be so good for him... so somehow you need to find a balance where you both get something you like. Or he might be doing it a certain way because he wants to last more than 10 seconds so yelling "faster" might not always help.
Akumark Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Awww this discusion almost plunge me back in my coping LOL My previous ''relation'' was simply amazing to teach me how to please a girl even more, the sex was great but she just had this way to point out what she liked so it was easy to adjust and please her more, it' so fun to do it with someone who have a lot more experience, when they help you to get better!
dispatch3d Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 That's what I find really impossible, with all sexual relationships, not just this one. If being critical, gives them anxiety and makes sex worse, and being appreciative just make them think they are doing everything right. How the hell, are we supposed to communicate what's going wrong in the bedroom? This is where I FAIL completely. Yo, this is a bigger communication problem than just the bedroom. Look up stuff on "being assertive". Yeah yeah, I know your super duper assertive and don't need to look up that ****. Humour me and pretend for a second you aren't assertive. I Know when I was first introduced to it I was like "lol I'm assertive" but then a few days later when I was talking to my work trying to get them to send in the forms I needed, that I was NOT assertive. Basically, your two solutions to the problem are tell him he sucks or tell him he's awesome. The answer is a communication level you haven't thought of. Talk about how YOU feel, what YOU like to see, what you don't like to see, etc. Everything should be verbalized in an "I". As in, every sentence you talk about these things you have to talk about yourself, NOT the other person. The reason most guys can't handle the criticism is probably because of insecurities. everrryyyonnne is insecure about something, and one of the downfalls of being "insecure' is an inability to take criticism. I also agree that specific examples will help, but as far as straight-on communication, try the above. like "I really like it when you bla" "I don't get into it as much when x happens." also take ownership of when its fun and when its not. It's not fun because YOU are ****ing up, it is fun because you are ****ing.. hahaha I'm hilarious. best of luck.
EasyHeart Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Surrealist, I know for a fact that he wasn't even aware that is penis was anything out of the usual, until I accidently (untactfully) asked him about it during a very unpleasant skype conversation (during that period when he was on the attack with the third degree about everything). Which is sort of the point of this thread, so I can avoid such fopars in the future. On the bright side I never mentioned his lack of size. Ouch, when I read that I honestly actually grimaced. Oh dear, this may be something he will bear in mind for quite a while, and contrary to popular opinion, guys can actually use sex, specifically withholding it, as a kind of punishment. Hopefully he has either forgotten or forgiven should the sex resume normalcy again.Ding, ding, ding! I think we have a winner!!! I don't think he's withholding sex; I think the poor guy is traumatized and insecure because his GF told him he had a deformed penis! I have no idea how I would deal with something like that (since my penis is perfect and incredible, of course), but I can't imagine any guy could handle it well. He's probably avoiding sex with you because he knows you think he has a deformed penis and he's self-conscious about it. How would you ladies feel if a guy told you that you're breasts were deformed (and politely kept his silence that they were too small?) I think you have to do some MAJOR damage control to build up his self-confidence if you ever want to have anything resembling a normal sex life. You may have traumatized the poor guy of life!
Feelin Frisky Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 I appreciate it when a woman is specific about what she wants and expresses it precisely. Here's an example of how miscommunication happened with me in an early relationship. When I would be on top of my g/f and giving it to her, she would often tell me "don't come out". I thought she meant don't "slip out". I didn't understand that she wanted me to stop coming out so far on each thrust and she wanted me to stay tight with her and give her a pounding without coming out even more than a half an inch. I never realized what "don't come out meant". She should have told me what she meant. But she didn't. I put two and two together when I was with someone else well after that relationship who told me that when she yells: "GIVE IT TO ME!!!!" she means stay balls deep in there and just drive straight ahead with shorts thrusts but hard ones because she's CUMMING and that's what does it for her. Can do, baby.
carhill Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 The short thrusts are more like a vibrator against her pubic bone which impacts her clitoris. This assists in blended orgasm. Talking about such stuff is fun
Feelin Frisky Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 The short thrusts are more like a vibrator against her pubic bone which impacts her clitoris. This assists in blended orgasm. Talking about such stuff is fun Thanks. But my post was about sex 25 years ago. I've figured it out since.
Author Titania22 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 "being assertive". Awesome Dispatch 3d, I have always been challenged with assertiveness in general, I am improving on what I was like, but I am sure I have a long way to go. Also I hate confrontation, so it is a factor in my willingness to be assertive. Ding, ding, ding! I think we have a winner!!! Okay EasyHeart. I just want to clarify for everyone out there I didn't say "Your penis is deformed", or mention his frenulum. I said "What the round lump on your penis?" He immediately jumped to the conclusion I was accusing him of having an STD. The conversation got a bit muddled after that due to the miscommunication. In regards to going down on him, I said, "The round lump was distracting me when I was down there, because I couldn't work out what it was." Still not great communication, but seriously as if I would be so cruel to just come straight and say "Your penis is deformed." I didn't understand that she wanted me to stop coming out so far on each thrust and she wanted me to stay tight with her and give her a pounding without coming out even more than a half an inch. This is awesome information FeelinFrisky. One of the things that really gets annoying for when I have sex with men with smaller penises, is that they fall out in the heat of the moment and then just jam it back in, with precision and damage the entranceway. Previously I have referred to this damage as friction, and been told use lube, which isn't useful since it's not actually friction and adding lube will just make those guys fall out more. Next time I am in a sex situation with someone having trouble staying in, I will try this. Thanks
MorningCoffee Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Sex talk outside the bedroom; positive reinforcement inside the bedroom. Use 'I like xxx' and 'It feels good when xxx' and similar statements for talk. Perfection is not expected. Desire is rewarded. It's no different than training a dog Sorry, Carhill, beg to differ. It's a helluva lot more fun than training a dog.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 ... This is awesome information FeelinFrisky. One of the things that really gets annoying for when I have sex with men with smaller penises, is that they fall out in the heat of the moment and then just jam it back in, with precision and damage the entranceway. Previously I have referred to this damage as friction, and been told use lube, which isn't useful since it's not actually friction and adding lube will just make those guys fall out more. Next time I am in a sex situation with someone having trouble staying in, I will try this. Thanks Are you implying I have a small penis? My g/f wasn't concerned with my "slipping out". She just didn't want my thrusts to be so FAR in and out. She wanted it all IN and with short pounding because she was about to cum and wanted me in constant pressure there. She just didn't make that clear with what she said. And she never followed up to tell me what she meant by "don't come out". I thought she simply meant don't blow it by coming out too far and missing on the way back in like you said with Mr. Shorty. Just want to straighten this out fortherer folks at home.
carhill Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 It's a helluva lot more fun than training a dog. The folks on the bestiality forums might beg to differ
Author Titania22 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Posted January 12, 2011 Are you implying I have a small penis? Srsly, I wasn't implying that, just thought it would be a usefull tip, so as not to give some guy the impression that his size was an issue.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Srsly, I wasn't implying that, just thought it would be a usefull tip, so as not to give some guy the impression that his size was an issue. Eh, I was just razzing you a little. I didn't take it that way. But I did want to straighten things out for the folks at home.
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