conehead Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 All 3 of us are friends. She was friends with him first then she introduced him to me. Let's call her B and him C. B has let me and a few other friends know that she likes him, but I on the other hand has not told anyone the way I feel. I like him maybe only a little whereas she is basically in love with him. One of my friends told me she doesn't get the feeling that C likes B. Meanwhile, I sometimes get the feeling he likes me instead. But when he ever talks/messages me, I find myself liking it but also kind of pushing him away out of guilt and because I dont want to get my friend mad. Maybe I'm reading to much into it though and he doesnt actually like me...it's hard to tell. I'm planning on backing off because B is my really close friend and I don't want to lose her over some guy that may or may not work out. But I guess if they do end up getting together, I might feel a bit sad/jealous. Ugh. Sucks.
ricochet01gal Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 If you value the friendship with your gal pal more than a potential "what if" relationship with this guy, keep distant from the guy otherwise it may become trouble. Because it's not worth risk losing a good friendship. I was in a similar situation. One of my very close girl friends and I liked the same guy. She had liked him for longer but he was showing more attention to me and talking with me more. It seemed very clear he was more interested in me. He is really attractive so I thought no harm in talking to him. Not flirting with him, but just responding to him initiating talk and whatnot. She got very jealous and told me she was shocked that I would keep talking to him, especially since I know she likes him. I felt guilty about it, and now even though we are still friends, it's taken a long time for her to get over that & stop bringing it up. It had changed our friendship for a while, in a not-so-good way. Just assess how much the friendship with your gal pal means to you. Would you like it if she and you had switched positions, and he liked her more and she kept talking to him? "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" seems a good rule to follow in this case... just in my opinion.
Pfiend101 Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Stay away from this guy. Your friends are more important. Find another guy. It will ruin you're friendship if you pursue him. And I guarantee hes not worth it.
tigressA Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 The way I see it, having feelings for someone does not equal a legitimate claim on them. B and C are not dating, so C is fair game to anyone out there, including the OP. In my opinion, if B can't see that, she's got some growing up to do. I've liked guys that my friends dated. Sure it sucked at first, but I was mature enough to realize that my feelings for the guy weren't enough to make him "mine".
BobSacamento Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 If she is a true friend, she won't stand in the way.
tigressA Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 If she is a true friend, she won't stand in the way. This, too. A true friend wouldn't want to deny their friend a chance to be happy. This is also why I never pitched a fit when this sort of thing happened to me.
ricochet01gal Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 The other posters make really good points. When I imagined the guy liking my friend more than me, at first I felt a little jealous then realized seeing her happy would make me feel better than all the complications that may result from me disregarding her feelings and letting the guy pursue me more.
D-Lish Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Bros before Ho's and chicks before dicks- that's been my motto in life:eek: If you're only mildly interested and your close friend is head over heels for the guy- you're going to ruin a friendship over some dude. If your friendship is important, don't ruin it over some guy that seems to be playing with all of you.
Author conehead Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 ok well i've thought about it...and I've decided to back off and avoid talking to C. I think part of it was that I went out with a guy who I really liked and he's basically not into me enough for me to keep seeing him, and so I guess I might have transfered my feelings to C who has been giving me attention to make myself feel better. I don't think my interest in C is real since my heart is currently still somewhat asunk over this guy I went out with. I do feel bad though since on NYE me, B, C and a few of our friends hung out. Of everyone there, C only asked me to dance and I danced with him for maybe a minute and felt extremely guilty at which point I told C that he should dance with B and he looked quite offended and said 'why? does she like me or something?' in a serious non-joking manner. Not sure what to think of that, but I just said 'i dont know' and i walked off. I think B saw us dancing. I've been feeling bad about that night since. B hasn't treated me differntly since then but I wonder if she's just trying to hold any resentment in. I really do cherish our friendship and I really hope it's not too late and that our friendship won't change over this. I've basically made a promise to myself to avoid C.
Recommended Posts