monklola Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I met Jasper about 10 months ago, when I started my new job, as soon as we saw each other there was instant attraction, apparant on both sides. I had been at that point single for 7 years, I had a tough time with my ex and decided to just battle on with work, I work in a select field as does Jasper which is one of the main reasons why we connected. I couldnt believe I had met someone..Finally.. then I found out he was with somebody, not only that but she was 2 months pregnant. My heart sank, especially when I came to know that they had only been together for 10 months! I'd just missed the boat! gutted is an understatement. The worst part of all this is that he felt the same way. I am a nice girl, I have never been in this situation before, so please don't judge anything i say here. I truly feel that I have never met anyone like him.. and I know deep in my heart he feels the same, nothing happened for a while, it was so hard.. again especially as we both knew that if she hadnt of been pregnant then he would be with me.. then it happened, I had a moment of weakness and we kissed, without spelling it out I have been seeing him ever since. I can't help myself, I thought I could handle it but I can't.. I thought it would stop when the baby came but it has carried on since then.. I know the first thing to say is yes, I am disgusted in myself.. I know what I have done is wrong and I would be horrified had the roles been reversed on me, but this is my side of the story, and I have to tell it to somebody before it destroys me. why is he still seeing me? I dont understand.. it started off as a cheeky one off thing but now feelings are more than involved and it must be eating him up as much as me but its starting to hurt me so much, as we work together I see him for longer periods if time than he spends at home. I just dont know what to do.. I cant seem to let him go...
bentnotbroken Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Her being pregnant has nothing to do with it. It didn't stop anything else from happening did it? He is still "seeing" you because you allow it.
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 He is seeing you because you're letting him. You've let him know you're okay with settling to be his OW, the side dish, to be second fiddle in his life. This has nothing with how he feels about you, if he truly loved you, he wouldn't be allowing the affair to continue, or he would end it with his partner, mother of his child. It is now up to YOU to change things. Either fight for him, go tell his partner the truth, that you love him, want him for yourself and he's been having an affair with you....Or, tell him goodbye and grieve. Let yourself heal. You haven't invested a whole lot of time in him, not saying getting over him will be easy, it won't be, but you need to not be afraid of the pain of letting go, letting yourself heal so one day you can find a single man who will love you. If you do nothing, the affair will continue, you'll fall deeper for him and end up getting hurt.
Author monklola Posted January 11, 2011 Author Posted January 11, 2011 Guy's, thank you so much for replying :0) I now feel foolish that I wrote "why is he still seeing me?" and you guy's replied.. "because you allow him to" I know this makes me sound utterly stupid.. but until right now, this very moment, I hadnt realised that. So simple but completely true, I missed it. Thank you for pointing that out! It's true isn't it! I always tended to focus more on the " its because he can't be without me" route... I just don't understand after having his baby how in his own mind he can continue to see me, I mean he's not a complete *anker, it just baffles me.. he can't surely love her utterly and completely to be doing this, apart of me knows he feels trapped in this situation, as I mentioned hes not a complete *sshole and I do understand that you can't leave a pregnant lady or a woman thats just had your baby! even I wouldnt ask him to do that. We just agreed that there was nothing we could do.. as I mentioned in my first post .. I was too late.. 10 months too late, thats what hurts me the most, the fact that if I'd have met him 10 months ago I would be with him now.. I know alot of you will be thinking what makes you think your different, but it is, it honestly whole heartedly is :0( I know you are right whichwayisup , I do need to move on, heal and meet someone else who can love me the way I need to be loved, it just seems impossible.. I met an amazing guy recently and even have been going on dates, but all I can think of is Jasper :0( It has even started to anger me after he leaves work and I go home, I start to think of him at home and it makes me so angry. Again, I know what I need to do.. move on... Its just hard and far easier said than done. I will be fine for a good few weeks and then BOOM i'll have a bad day, like yesterday.. which is why I finally built up the courage to post.. today I feel fine.. I am trying.. battling on... Monkeylola x
TigerCub Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) It sucks to be in your position. I remember what it was like to think that me and xMM were just made for each other, and that if we ever did end up together we'd be happy (although even then, a part of me knew I was lying to myself). I am sorry for your pain because I know how crushing it is. Heck, I used to have xMM tell me "why couldn't I meet you before her?!" or "Being with you is what I always thought real love would be like, and being with her is such a contrast" Honey, all that (well in 99% of cases) are lies. If you really want to get over your guy - just do this: Whenever you see him, assume that he's thinking this when he looks at you "Oh, here's that easy whore I like to play with. She's hot but what I like most about her is that she's so needy and silly, that she'll believe anything I tell her and will even go against what she normally believes in to make me happy - wow, its awesome to have her on the side! - Now, I'm going home to the other idiot in my life, the one that was so stupid she sacrificed her looks and body to pop out my lil bastard, while I was f'in around on her the whole time! HA HA HA - I'm so fortunate to be surrounded by such stupid easy women - my life rocks!! hehe, and that first one actually thinks I'm feeling trapped, oh boy...:laugh::laugh:" The above is not an attack on you. I'm honestly not implying that you're a whore, but if you see that MMs lie, you'll start to think that they probably think its awfully funny that they can say anything to you, and you'd believe them and do whatever (even if it is normally beneath you) to be with them. Assume that he thinks what I put in quotes and that should make it easier to resist him. ETA: Honestly hun, if he cheated on his pregnant gf, he can't be so amazing - really! open your eyes... Edited January 11, 2011 by TigerCub
skywriter Posted January 12, 2011 Posted January 12, 2011 Hi Monkeylola and welcome , I didn't work with the MM, Thank Goodness! I feel for you because it does make your challenge of moving on an even bigger one. I can say from my experience, the resentment changed me for the negative. On the one hand, I adored him for what I realised I was still capable of feeling with someone. I, like you hadn't been with anyone in yrs and was working 60 plus hrs a wk. As time went by and I saw what it really wasn't, the disappointment mounted. So, when we did see one another this festering resentment shrouds what might have been happy times. Then, it all seemed pointless. What's is the point really? If the actions, aren't matching the words, then it's just words.
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