daphne Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I have had 4 guys ask me out recently, and they've all asked to go to dinner. I don't know how to fit them all in, especially since I have a #1 guy I want to see as well. Is it insulting to suggest coffee or a drink for the first date intead of dinner to a guy? Or does that send out the "I'm not sure about you" vibe? I would have thought guys would prefer the coffee date but none of them have offered. They all appear to be great catches. However, I don't know that I want to do dinner with all of them. It's time consuming and you don't know if you'll like them. Plus I don't want them to waste their money if it doesn't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Most of my first dates with women are lunch. Usually, chemistry and/or rapport is quickly determined and, if it exists, a more firm, longer date can be made. Also, sobriety is assured in most cases and the costs are lower, since I always pay for first dates. If a woman has a particularly busy schedule, I'll offer lunch on her day off, generally a Saturday. Plenty of flexibility. Hope it works out! Link to post Share on other sites
Seamless74 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 if all 4 of these guys are suggesting dinner for the first date that should tell you that they might be a little off......... Wait did you meet these 4 guys online... ( if so theyre definately off)... good luck.... personally id rather have sex with someone before dinner. I have a hard time being dinner compatible with people... Link to post Share on other sites
catgotyourtongue Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I have had 4 guys ask me out recently, and they've all asked to go to dinner. I don't know how to fit them all in, especially since I have a #1 guy I want to see as well. Is it insulting to suggest coffee or a drink for the first date intead of dinner to a guy? Or does that send out the "I'm not sure about you" vibe? I would have thought guys would prefer the coffee date but none of them have offered. They all appear to be great catches. However, I don't know that I want to do dinner with all of them. It's time consuming and you don't know if you'll like them. Plus I don't want them to waste their money if it doesn't work out. I prefer all first dates not to be dinner actually. It's too intimate and awkward for ME personally. Lot's of people are great with it, but I prefer, way prefer to go grab a drink. That way you can make it as short or long as you want, depending on how it's going. good luck and have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Author daphne Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 What a great idea. The problem is that I'll only knock out 1 or 2 a week that way. lol. I know one did mention lunch or dinner so I'll see if he's still up for lunch on a weekend. Followed by maybe dinner with another, then drink with another. LOL. I'm kidding. But I do like efficiency. Link to post Share on other sites
Author daphne Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 if all 4 of these guys are suggesting dinner for the first date that should tell you that they might be a little off......... Wait did you meet these 4 guys online... ( if so theyre definately off)... good luck.... personally id rather have sex with someone before dinner. I have a hard time being dinner compatible with people... LOL. Well, I find sex to be a far more intimate act than dining so I'll take that route if I have to choose between the two. Although I'm sure there are a lot of guys who would genuinely prefer the first. Met all online. The #1 guy also suggested it, and he's definitely normal. They all seem normal, surprisingly. Perhaps they just have lots of expendable dating cash lying around. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Personally, I have no issues, even if disclosed, with a woman going on multiple 'dates' the same day. This is especially true of first dates. It is a 'getting to know' process and there are no assurances of any synergy or chemistry. This is why I stick to simple, inexpensive, yet more intimate venues and timeframes than, say, a 'coffee' date. One can wrap up or extend as time or circumstances allow and actually have a meal without leaving to go elsewhere. A typical venue is a little Chinese place I go to where two can eat for under 10 bucks and the food comes like lightening. Meet up, have some good grub and conversation and see where it goes. If no joy, at least we both had a good meal and a good friend made a few bucks. It all works out Link to post Share on other sites
Author daphne Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 I prefer all first dates not to be dinner actually. It's too intimate and awkward for ME personally. Lot's of people are great with it, but I prefer, way prefer to go grab a drink. That way you can make it as short or long as you want, depending on how it's going. good luck and have fun. You may be right. Other than one nightmare date, all of the guys I've met were good company and they were all good dates, more or less. However, I only found 2 to be guys I'd want to see more than once. Might be better to cut to the chase with an abridged date. I like the combination of lunch dates/drink dates. And for one guy, I'll do the dinner date but I have a feeling I'll like him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author daphne Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 A typical venue is a little Chinese place I go to where two can eat for under 10 bucks and the food comes like lightening. You're a man who thinks on his feet. I like it. I know a good Chinese lunch place but it won't be $10, but it's under $20. I think we have a winner! Link to post Share on other sites
catgotyourtongue Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 You may be right. Other than one nightmare date, all of the guys I've met were good company and they were all good dates, more or less. However, I only found 2 to be guys I'd want to see more than once. Might be better to cut to the chase with an abridged date. I like the combination of lunch dates/drink dates. And for one guy, I'll do the dinner date but I have a feeling I'll like him. When I was online dating, and I did it VERY selectively, I tried to get to know as much as I could before first date, and I was still surprised how many first dates did not go farther (of my doing). One in four I think I went on second date with. While they may have been good guys, it just did not gel for one reason or the other. This also why I like to keep it simple and just a drink. I don't like people spending much money on me that I don't know, makes me uneasy and I am mindful about it, but also hate sitting through 2 hr dinner if I know it's a no. Not ideal for me or him. Now if that drink date is going well, I have no problem letting it go wherever it should, meaning, it can be an hour or three, or whatever the moment lends itself too. Go get em, and have a ball! Link to post Share on other sites
catgotyourtongue Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Personally, I have no issues, even if disclosed, with a woman going on multiple 'dates' the same day. This is especially true of first dates. It is a 'getting to know' process and there are no assurances of any synergy or chemistry. This is why I stick to simple, inexpensive, yet more intimate venues and timeframes than, say, a 'coffee' date. One can wrap up or extend as time or circumstances allow and actually have a meal without leaving to go elsewhere. A typical venue is a little Chinese place I go to where two can eat for under 10 bucks and the food comes like lightening. Meet up, have some good grub and conversation and see where it goes. If no joy, at least we both had a good meal and a good friend made a few bucks. It all works out Like your thinking! Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I always suggest a drink/coffee/tea if it's a first meet. Don't think it's rude at all. Some men might feel 'downgraded' but most won't care. I will say, my current BF did upgrade said suggestion to dinner, and I did appreciate it. Guys who want LTRs and take longer to get to know will often prefer dinners, particularly the shy guys I like. I don't think those guys would be offended by the idea of grabbing a drink instead, particularly if you left time for dinner if you had some rapport, but they might feel more pressured in the short time. Depends on the kind of guys you like/want to attract. Link to post Share on other sites
Author daphne Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 Some men might feel 'downgraded' but most won't care. Guy #2 for this weekend did care. I never heard back from him. We'll see where Guy #3 stands with the getting to know you lunch/drinks/coffee Link to post Share on other sites
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