cerridwen Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Hi, I've read a handful of comments that LS may not be helpful for getting over a breakup because you're here focusing on the split past the point where it's healthy. I would like to hear your opinions. What would you be doing differently if not using LS? Is the advice you're getting here making a difference? Do you think it's helping you heal? Or do you think it's causing you to dwell on the breakup? Thanks.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I was wondering the same thing.. I see is a lot of sadness, pining, and NC being the answer to everything. I keep coming back though.
KYoung2200 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I've been able to figure out every abbreviation on this forum since I came here, except LS. :/ Mind throwing me a bone here so I can answer? If it's LoveShack I'm going to laugh...
Leandro Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 LS and the members here have helped me a lot. I probably would have broke NC plenty of times and been worse now than I was then.
KYoung2200 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 Ah, so it is LoveShack. I find that this website can help as long as you use it with the mindset of getting over your ex, rather then describing how "awesome" they were and how "perfect" they were for you. A little bit of "pining" here or there in the pining thread is fine, but push forward. I've started a NC Log that I write in. Sometimes I'll just have the urge to write, other times I'll have no one to call at the moment, and the other times I'll write INSTEAD of calling the ex. It's therapeutic, and I'm glad no ones told me to STFU
Ajax Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I think we leave LS when we're ready... but at the same time I think that it's good to keep posting even when we've healed. It's inspiring for those who are at the depths of their pain. If it weren't for LS I wouldn't have known what to do. I wouldn't have been able to vent and I would have felt even more alone.
smudge21 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I think finding out that so many others are going through the same nightmare helps us all. You're not alone.
swfc_77 Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 i had a few weeks off here for numerous reasons. and it helped a lot firstly though, it was because like what has been said you focus too much on the break-up by being here. the time i had off from here made me realise i had to make my own mistakes and decisions to really understand them, reading advice on here only takes you so far, you need to follow your own actions to learn from the consiquences (spelling) im only here because i'v broke a rib, there's no football on and i'll feel an idiot going to pub clutching my ribs. chin up every1
poorguy Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I've been able to figure out every abbreviation on this forum since I came here, except LS. :/ Mind throwing me a bone here so I can answer? If it's LoveShack I'm going to laugh... LS stands for Love sucks....Doesn't everyone know that!!! Anyway I don't think LS hurts anyone who is trying to move on. If you read peoples threads and posts from 4 or 5 months ago (assuming they stuck to NC) you can notice a different attitude from when they began. I know I have a better one and am not confused the way I was. Also when you see the new posters come on here all screwed up beyond belief, guess who you see giving them advice-the people who have been around for a while and are several months into their breakup and who are feeling better. If you go back far enough say a year or so you can see the changing of the gaurds so to speak. It's like this, people come on here messed up. Then after a few months they begin to give the new people advice, then the new people in time give the newer people advie and so it goes. Also what you see and I'm not going to say names, is people after a while dissapear-that's a great thing because they have moved on and healed-No they aren't going NC on us that are still here lol. I wish more people would use this forum because really you get good UNBIASED advice, information, and just a lot of help when maybe you needed the most..You can go talk to friends about it but sometimes they have their own motives
Author cerridwen Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 Personally, it's been most helpful for two things: 1) Venting 2) Reading other posts from people with similar stories. I see their thinking is flawed and that helps me correct my own. Healing from this breakup is just taking longer than any I've gone through before. Just trying to figure out if LS is a bit of the reason why. Thanks for all your opinions.
WTRanger Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 If you use LS to post negative threads, such as every day you post how much you miss your ex, you are worthless, you will never find love, you hate your ex, you hate your ex's new love, etc, then I do believe it can become destructive. If you use LS to give advice and more importantly listen to advice as well as lay off the "poor little old heartbroken me" mentality, then LS becomes quite a helpful place. Let it be said, we are all entitled to our hot mess threads. Just don't let it become a daily posting.
J0N Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 I have come to this website in the past. I had a different user name, and I posted about being upset and pining etc. Then one day I started to feel a lot better about things, and I never posted using that user name again. This breakup was far more serious than my past ones but this website is a place where I can vent my feelings and get a little encouragement when I am feeling down. I try and avoid over posting about sadness, but i would likely feel the same way if I didn't post here. Also, i would have definitely broken NC if I didn't read all the horror stories. I do think at some point, you have to start distancing yourself from forums, and wallowing about your ex. It will eventually become unhealthy. Coming from the guy who constantly posts about pining. Its a recovery place, it is good to hang around until you feel you are fully healed but at some point you have to get back out there. Hey our ex's are probably not spending the amount of time thinking about us as we are them (if they dumped you) and they are definitely not on coping forums either. Rather they are probably out enjoying life. My heart has been slow to heal, but eventually with everyone's support it will.
Author cerridwen Posted January 10, 2011 Author Posted January 10, 2011 i would have definitely broken NC if I didn't read all the horror stories. Most definitely. Reading the stories of people who broke NC only to be disappointed or humiliated, those are definite deterrents!
Mrlonelyone Posted January 10, 2011 Posted January 10, 2011 If you use LS to give advice and more importantly listen to advice as well as lay off the "poor little old heartbroken me" mentality, then LS becomes quite a helpful place. Let it be said, we are all entitled to our hot mess threads. Just don't let it become a daily posting. I agree with this 100%. If you come here with the mindset of wanting to give advice and listen to advice it's a help. In this way LS has helped me greatly. It helps to be reminded that I am not the only person who's heart is broken in the world. Looking at TV, or out the window it can be hard to remember that at times. You know sometimes it looks like everyone in the world is paired off. Coming here to LS shows that's not true, and that life goes on. What did not help me was hearing some of the judgmental things that were said about my situation. I was called bat **** crazy, a stalker, and a creep. I was judged to surely be a deadbeat dad etc etc. Then this week we found that one of the main voices saying that was a fraud and my Ex took actions showing that she's at least as bat **** crazy as I am. Along with actions I have taken in 3D, in real life, I feel better now than I would without LS.
stopthemadness Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 Hi, I've read a handful of comments that LS may not be helpful for getting over a breakup because you're here focusing on the split past the point where it's healthy. I would like to hear your opinions. What would you be doing differently if not using LS? Is the advice you're getting here making a difference? Do you think it's helping you heal? Or do you think it's causing you to dwell on the breakup? Thanks. Yea, I was wondering the same thing? Some times I think it might make it worse by dragging it out. Other times I think Am glad I have a place to vent. I asked my therapist about, she said as long as we share the healing too, it couldnt hurt. But I dont know???
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